My Imagination
by DenSoulStare3
Summary: "He's real. To me he's real. He's everything but my imagination." - Rating M for sexual content/smut/masturbation/language/mentions of drug use. Belgium's POV. Human!AU
1. Chapter 1

(Note: Emma = Belgium | Jan = Netherlands. Human AU! )

I could actually remember that evening well. Well, only bits of it if I were being honest.

When I think of it, the whole thing was like a dream; no, not a dream - a horrid nightmare.

January, 1987. Paris, France. I was five years old.

It was pitch black outside the condensed bus window, but colourful lights would whizz by every now and then in the city of snowy Paris. Me and mommy was sitting on the bus along with my big brother Jan. Jan was always an odd character I found. He was born in the Netherlands and I was born in Belgium. I actually feel more Belgian than Dutch sometimes, not that I mind or care. Sometimes I wonder if me and Jan are even related, but no matter how much he picks on me, pulls my hair, steals my toys, I'll always see him as my big ol' goofy brother. Daddy had left mommy a year ago when I was four years old. So now it's just the three of us.

It was quiet on the bus with just the sounds of the bus engines working around as it moved and the muffled beating music coming from Jan's headphones which he got for Christmas. I found them fascinating in the 80s, but Jan would never let me touch them or his mini tape player.

We were the only passengers on there. I sat on mommy's lap, my head resting back against her chest. I was starting to feel sleepy and it was getting late. My eyes were drooping, but I wanted to stay awake. I was a big girl, I could stay up!

The three of us had just come back from a comic convention in the centre city of Paris. Mommy told me Tintin would be there. I love Tintin, he was my favourite character and even at the age of five I collected the comics.

We bought some new comics at the convention and mommy said she'll read them to me when we get home.

"Emma, Sweetheart?" Mommy's voice whispered gently into my ear. "We're almost home, honey, time to wake up."

I let out a bit of a groan and stretched my little legs, expecting to have my stuffed rabbit that I named George cuddled in my arms. But then I realised I left George home. My stuffed bunny George was named after Daddy. I never knew daddy but I always imagined him to be fun and make me giggle, just like bunny George does.

Jan pulled his headphones down from his blonde head, blowing a strand of hair out of his face and looked up at mommy with that grumpy expression he always tended to have. He was five years older than me, so he was 10. He was always listening to this crazy music.

Mommy just ruffled his hair and straightened up in her seat, adjusting sleepy me on her lap. I yawned, pushing my dress down and I was about to speak and ask mommy if George was going to be okay sitting alone in my bedroom with my other toys but I never got the chance.

Mommy screamed. The bus suddenly jolted to the side and we were knocked against the side window to the right. I could hear the bus driver cursing, sounding as if someone was stabbing his guts. I screamed too. I thought I did, but no sound came out, but I felt my ears burst and my body ached.

The bus had tipped onto its side after smashing into another bus which had slipped on the icy roads. The force was enough to knock us over and the next thing I knew we were lying in a tipped over bus.

Everything stood still and went silent.

I had no idea how long it was silent. It could have been hours for all I knew, but I couldn't take it any longer.

"Mommy?" I screamed, gasping for air because I was panicking and trembled violently. I suddenly felt so cold and it only made me shiver more. I touched my cold face and felt a little sting and moist. I didn't know I was bleeding.

I could hear the sound of Jan's voice then when things started to become clearer. "Jan?" I called out, letting out a shaky whimper. I started to cry. And then I started to wail. It only caused Jan to panic even more. I could barely see what was going on or where I was because it was so dark, not to mention the tears in my eyes were blurring my vision anyway.

"S-Somebody's coming," Jan choked. I held my hand to my mouth and started to nibble on it as I cried. From the barely amount of light we had inside the tipped up bus, I could even see that Jan was crying too, the tears down his face glistening.

"Mommy's not moving," my voice shuddered. I was sitting on the window and mommy was lying next to me, her eyes were wide open but her face was covered with splattered blood, her brown hair smeared with dirt and more blood. I was so afraid. She wasn't speaking but her eyes were open. I thought she was alive.

Just then I could see a big man climb through the seats of the bus, yelling words in French. I could only understand a little bit of what he said. At first I thought it was daddy, but the man picked Jan up and then crawled back out with him and left me alone with mommy. I screamed louder. My brother was taken away from me and I was left alone. I grabbed mommy's sleeve and desperately shook her, trying to get her to wake up. I shrieked and wailed and didn't stop. My heart was thudding dangerously in my chest but before I knew it I felt big arms curl around my little body.

I was lifted out of the seats and I then felt fresh air. A fire-fighter had carried me out bridal style, out of the wrecked bus. I was barely conscious by this point, but still hiccupping cries. I spotted Jan sitting on the floor, hugging his knees whilst I was carried in the man's arms. The man was speaking to another fire-fighter. I couldn't quite catch what he was saying except for "She's dead."

I apparently had fainted and when I opened my eyes it was still cold and dark. I felt arms around me, brother's arms.

"J-Jan," I whimpered. We were both wrapped around in blankets, sitting on the edge of the back of an ambulance van. I could tell Jan was afraid because he was trembling as much as I was. Something felt so wrong.

"Are you okay, Emma?" he whispered, a frightened look on his face. I had never seen Jan look so scared. It wasn't like him. I always thought he was the bravest brother ever, even if he was a big meanie.

I shook my head honestly, resting my head on his shoulder. I had lost my ribbon which was always tied in my golden hair, but right now I wasn't worried about it. We watched the scene in front of us. There were a lot of people here by now, all gathering around the demolished vehicle I was in about thirty minutes ago or so. Actually I didn't know how long ago it was. One minute I was there, and then I was here.

My heart suddenly froze at what I saw. Mommy's body was being dragged out of the wreckage. She wasn't moving. She just looked like a huge sack, being carried over a fire-fighter's shoulder like that. I clung onto Jan's arm and whimpered.

"I-is mommy going to be okay…?"

Jan didn't answer. He just watched. A blank expression on his face once again but I could tell by the tears cascading down his cheeks that he was frightened.

A lady in a bright green coat approached us, a sorry look on her face. She knelt down in front of me and Jan, placing her hand on my tiny shoulder.

"Your mother… she…she's not going to be coming home with you tonight..." she said in a very soothing tone, but it wasn't soothing me at all.

Jan muttered, "w-what?"

"She's hurt very badly," the lady explained. She was probably a paramedic or something, since she seemed like she knew it all. "She won't be able to make it, I'm afraid. I'm so sorry…"

"M-mommy's d-dead?" My quivering mouth was wide open in shock. Jan barely moved either. I started to cry again, burying my face in the sweater sleeve of my brother's arm, clinging for dear life of all I had left of my family.

The lady wrapped her arms around us and tried to comfort us but it wasn't working for me. I could barely breathe from crying so much and my hearing was becoming fuzzy again.

"We need to clean you up, dear," the lady said, trying to turn my face so she could wipe the blood from my little cheeks.

I couldn't remember much from that moment or that night. I didn't even know if the bus driver survived or not. But there was one thing I did know, something I'd have to live with for the rest of my life.

Mommy was dead. And she wasn't going to come home with us tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

After me and Jan were checked up on by the paramedics, another lady in a smart, black suit took us both in her car and drove us out into the suburbs of the southern part of Paris. Apparently she was going to take us somewhere safe, but I didn't feel safe anymore.

Despite that, I couldn't keep my eyes open and I fell asleep against Jan, who remained awake the whole journey, constantly wiping his fingers across his eyes and grunting to himself.

We soon arrived to our destination, wherever that was. Jan nudged me in the shoulder and I groaned, for a second thinking that the whole disaster of tonight was a nightmare but it was true when I saw the tear stained face of my brother once again.

I clipped my seat belt off and crawled onto his lap, peering out of the window, watching the smartly dressed lady talking with another rather over-weight lady outside, their voices muffled from behind the glass. I then glanced up at the building. It looked like a ginormous house. It was quite beautiful, but it looked old.

"Where are we…?" I asked, Jan pushing me back into my own seat with a growl.

"I don't know," he huffed, trying to act like the big man again. I spat my tongue out at him; realising it was still dark outside but I had no idea of the time.

I crawled on brother's lap again, my tiny pale hand pressed against the frozen glass of the car door window, Jan groaning more at me. I spotted a big sign outside of this building, but I had no idea what it said.

"Jan? What does that say?" I asked, pointing my little finger towards the sign and looking back at Jan with my big, puppy dog green crystals.

Jan nudged me out of the way, eyes narrowing as he stared at the sign. "Yerres Orphelinat pour enfants & école…" He mumbled, raising an eyebrow.

It was in French but it meant Yerres Children's Orphanage and School, or something like that anyway. Yerres, so that's where we were. I scratched my head before getting pushed back into my seat again, just as the suited lady opened our car door and knelt down to look at us.

"Children. I've taken you to a special centre where they are going to look after you from now on. Tomorrow we'll take you to collect your things from your old house, but for now you can stay here and try to settle in," she smiled, giving a nod.

Jan and I didn't answer but the other larger lady, who had her hair tied up in curlers, approached us too, leaning against the door frame of the car. "Salut, lovies. Don't worry we'll take good care of you," she said in a creepily sweet tone. Her name was Ms Gabatino. It made me giggle when I first heard it and I wouldn't stop saying it until Jan told me to shut up in the end.

So, the suited lady gave us to the larger lady who took us inside of the Orphanage building. I held Jan's hand at all times, nibbling onto my knuckles as we were taken up to the top floor where all the rooms were. The lady told us to be quiet, because the other children were asleep. I and Jan had our own room which we had to share down the end of the hallway. I was thankful for that, because I wasn't going to be able to sleep on my own tonight, especially without my stuffed bunny George.

The lady showed us to our room and then handed us our pyjamas which were basically an old white gown for me and a pair of pants and a shirt for Jan. They smelt funny and made me feel sick, but I'd have to get use to them. Ms Gabatino helped me into my gown whilst Jan dressed himself, already crawling into his bed and pretending to fall asleep. I watched him with a frown. I knew he was upset, just as I was. But I was incredibly sleepy right now and I didn't feel like I could cry anymore.

Ms Gabatino was such a kind lady. She set me into bed just like mommy use to do, wrapping me up tightly in the fuzzy blankets which were surprisingly comfortable. She offered both of us for any water but we both were fine so she placed a kiss on my forehead and quietly left the room switching the lights off on the way out. The last thing she whispered to us was that she'd explain everything in the morning, and everything was going to be okay.

I really hoped to God so.

I opened my eyes the next morning just as the winter sun was beamed rays into our bedroom from through the curtains by the window. Minutes had passed of me just lying there thinking before I sat up in my bed, stretched and yawned. I turned my head towards Jan's bed. He was still asleep. He probably didn't sleep at all last night.

I then looked back at the room. It was incredibly empty. It was a spare room after all but it was quite big and unfilled with just the two beds on either side of the rooms. I had the bed closest to the window, which I was slightly pleased about.

I then started to realise that all of last night really wasn't a dream. My bunny George wasn't here for me to cuddle. Mommy was gone forever and I was shivering again. I started to cry quietly all over again, pulling the thick covers more over half of my face. Jan could hear my quivery whimpers and grumbled, pulling himself out of bed and sitting next to me, arms wrapped around me in comfort. I just continued to cry.

Just then I could hear a voice from the other side of the door. With a gasp I stopped crying, rubbing my tiny fists against my eyes and looked towards the closed door, noticing the door knob turn.

"Hola?" The little voice sounded. Jan stood up straight away, almost protectively in front of me.

"Who's there?" He grumbled in reply.

The door creaked open. A little tanned boy peered his head inside and as soon as he saw us his face lit up with anticipation.

"Ah, hola! You must be the new kids! I saw you last night from my bedroom window!" He chirped and stepped inside, Jan immediately getting cautious. I was curious about his accent but I recognised it. He sounded Spanish.

The boy grinned and stepped up to my brother Jan in the middle of the bedroom, holding a hand out for him to shake. "Me llamo Antonio. Everyone calls me Toni, sometimes Tone, sometimes Tonio—"

"Who are you?" Jan interrupted, swatting the boy, who was apparently named Antonio's hand away.

"Ah, haha, lo siento, mister! I'm just trying to be friends. How old are you, you're very tall! I'm seven! I come from Spain, you see and—"

Jan cut off Antonio again with a grunt.

The boy had a rather squeaky voice but he amused me. He was so incredibly cheerful. I wiped my tears and giggled quietly to myself. "He's Jan! He's my big brother," I told him, giving him a sweet feline smile.

Antonio looked towards me and waved, "Hola there, chica!"

"I'm Emma! I'm five, and my brother is ten!" I cheeped. Jan went to go sit back down. "It's nice to meet you Antonio," I nodded.

The Spaniard sat down on the edge of my bed, a jolly smile remaining on his face. "Wow, he's tall! I can show you around if you want, Emma. It's quite big here and you can meet the other children too," he told me. I shook my head.

"The lady is going to take me and Jan back to our old home this morning."

Antonio frowned. "Aw… you're not staying?" He sounded disappointed.

I giggled and shook my head, my golden curls slapping against my cheeks. "Non! We'll be back, we just have to get our stuff. I have to make sure George is okay."

"George, who's George?"

"My stuffed bunny!" I told him. "I named him after daddy. He's very special to me…"

Jan cleared his throat then and sat up on his bed. I only realised then that Jan didn't have his headphones. He probably lost them during the accident last night.

Antonio laid down on his front and watched me, resting his chin in his palms, kicking his legs up in the air behind him. The sun from the window was beaming onto his face, giving his eyes this beautiful, bright glow, little dust particles could be seen floating in the rays of the sunlight.

"Are you going to at least stay for breakfast so I can introduce you to everyone?" He asked me.

I looked at Jan, who was being very quiet then returned my contact to Toni and nodded. "Mhm! I'd love to meet everyone!"

Later on, Ms Gabatino took us downstairs to the dining room, which looked like a big old hall with a long table in the centre of it. Some of the children were already sitting down, chattering, some eating, and some arguing.

I stood by the doorway with Jan, holding his hand and glancing around shyly. I was then suddenly lifted up into the air by Ms Gabatino. I giggled and she set me down onto a seat at the table. Jan took his own seat next to me and Antonio sat on the other side of me, already digging into his breakfast. We all had bowls of cereal, which usually to me was quite boring, but right now I was quite peckish, so I rather enjoyed it.

I felt a bit awkward though each time I lifted the big spoon into my mouth. I only started to realise all of the other kids sitting at the table were staring at me and Jan as if we were aliens.

"…" I quietly placed my spoon back in the bowl and blushed, lowering my head at the silence and feeling like they didn't like me already.

Ms Gabatino then broke the silence by arriving into the room with a cheerfully sort of spark in her step. "Children! I'd like you to meet…Ah, uh…" She knelt down between mine and Jan's seats, placing her hands on either side of our shoulders.

"Jan," my brother said, then pointed to me. "And this is my sister, Emma."

Ms Gabatino smiled sweetly, her wrinkles showing up upon her face and she stood back up. "Jan and Emma. Now children, be nice to them. They have just recently lost someone dear to them so please, no leaving them out or being rude to them. I'm sure you will all make them feel very welcome into our family."

Antonio shot his hand up, waving it frantically. "Oh, Oh! Ms Gabatino! Can I introduce everybody? Por favor?"

The lady rolled her eyes and chuckled, hands on hips. "Of course you can, sweetie pie. I'll be back in a minute children, I just need to fetch myself some breakfast," and with that she disappeared back into the kitchen.

I turned my head shyly towards Antonio, who used his spoon as a pointing stick. He pointed it directly at one boy who sat at the very far end of the table. The boy looked quite young, possibly younger than I was; with blonde hair hanging over his bright blue eyes.

"This is Ludwig," Antonio said. The boy Ludwig didn't say anything and just continued eating his food. Antonio pointed his spoon to the next kid, which was an albino boy. He looked older than Ludwig, and apparently they were brothers. They didn't look related. Maybe they just called themselves that because they were both either German or something like that.

"This is my buddy Gilbert!" Antonio grinned.

Gilbert smirked at me and a looked away quickly, his bright red eyes haunting me for a second.

The next person sitting next to Gilbert was a girl, a rather sweet, clean looking girl. She had beautiful brunette hair with a small little pink flower attached to her locks.

"Elizaveta~!" Antonio chirped. Elizaveta flickered her hazel eyes up at Antonio, looking a bit annoyed and then carried on eating her breakfast.

Antonio pointed his spoon at each person he introduced. "Natalia, Yeketarina, Ivan." Apparently those three were siblings. "Toris, Eduard, Raivis." These three boys looked quite nervous about something. Maybe they were just shy, like I was. "Roderich." A boy. "Emilie~!" Another girl; she had glasses and a big red bow in her hair. She looked a bit grumpy too, just like the Elizaveta girl. Maybe they were friends. Antonio continued. "Kiku and Yao," two Asian boys. "My amigo Francis, Arthur, Matthew, Alfred." According to everyone Matthew and Alfred were brothers too. "And finally we have the twins, Feliciano and Lovino!" He finished off with a wide grin.

I couldn't help but hide a giggle behind my palm. I heard clapping coming from across the table from Gilbert. He seemed to be the joker of this 'family'. At first I really couldn't see myself fitting in with any of them, but I supposed that I'd have to get used to it. They seemed like a great bunch after all. I was amused how colourful they all were in nationalities. It was incredibly interesting.

Ms Gabatino returned into the room just as Antonio finished his introductions. "Ah, I see little tomato head here has introduced you two to everyone. I'm glad. I really hope that you fit in," she said, sitting on the other far end of the table, that creepy sweet smile on her wrinkled face.

There was another lady who worked in this orphanage. Her name was Crystal. She was an Asian lady, but she too was very friendly. She sat down opposite me, tucking into the breakfast like the rest of us. She was supposedly the assistance care taker and apparently the teacher for most of the children's subjects, since I soon found out this place was a school too. She was quiet a pretty young lady, with her black hair all tied back into a big bun. She gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded in return and continued to eat my breakfast.

As friendly as everyone seemed here, I was really going to miss my old friends and my old school. Things now felt like they were moving too fast.


	3. Chapter 3

Later on after breakfast, after Ms Gabatino helped me and Jan dress into our clothes from last night (since we had nothing else to wear at the moment), and asked Crystal to look after the other kids, the large lady took us out into her car, driving us back to our old house. She had apparently already been given the details of where Jan and I lived, which was mysteriously fortunate.

When we arrived at the house, Ms Gabatino helped me and Jan collect all of our clothes and the things we needed. For me it was my stuffed bunny George and my stuffed kitty who I named Bon-Bon. I also had a little box of ribbons which I always had tied into my hair. Ms Gabatino helped me tie a new red ribbon into my golden hair. Jan and I were given a suitcase each which we could use to stuff whatever we wanted from our bedrooms in there. Though, Ms Gabatino did have to help me put more of my clothes in there rather than my toys. I was really going to miss my toys. They were probably going to be given away to a shelter or something. But who knows, maybe I'd see them again at the orphanage.

Oh, and not forgetting my Tintin comics. I couldn't leave without those. Ms Gabatino was surprised there was enough room in my suitcase.

Jan didn't take much however, just a bunch of clothes that he needed and our photo album containing pictures of mommy and daddy and he, and a couple featuring me as a baby in there.

When everything we needed was packed away and into the car along with ourselves, we were driving back off to Yerres to the Orphanage. It was the afternoon by the time we got back and Jan had a devastated blank look on his face the whole morning. It hurt me inside. I was so young to realise what was going on clearly.

When we got inside, the whole orphanage was empty and quiet. But I could hear Antonio's voice muffled in the background. He was the only voice I seemed to have picked up, probably because of his funny accent and squeaky voice.

"The children are having their class at the moment," Ms Gabatino told us as she helped carry my suitcase inside, whilst Jan carried his own. It was still snowy outside, but sunny and the warm sun seemed to have already melted half of the snow.

"By tomorrow, you'll be able to join them. But for now, just settle in. I can run you both a nice warm bath if you want later on, and you can change into some new clothes, that sound good?"

I nodded eagerly. I was much calmer now that I had George with me. I was cuddling him in my arms the whole time, pressing my face against the top of his squishy soft head.

Jan nodded too but remained quiet. I wondered if he was going to break.

After we had our baths and got changed into some fresh clothes, I and Jan spent the rest of the afternoon in our bedrooms. We were both sprawled out on our backs on our beds, staring up at the ceiling. I wouldn't stop asking Jan questions.

"Janny?"

"Don't call me that, stupid."

I frowned then rolled my eyes. "Do you think mommy is in heaven with daddy?"

"Dad isn't dead. He just ran away from us," his voice sounded cold.

"Oh… So mommy and daddy aren't together anymore?"

"No, you think?" Jan sounded sarcastic and I was starting to get confused. I stroked the top of George's head, sighing.

"I hope mommy is happy wherever she's gone… I hope Jesus is looking after her."

"Why would Jesus care?" Jan grunted. I didn't bother answering to that. I sat up and tightened the red ribbon in my hair. I was wearing my jeans and my Tom cat long-sleeved shirt right now.

I crawled on my bed over to the window and looked outside of it, resting my chin in my palm with my elbow supported, resting on the frame of the window, the tip of my nose barely touching the frozen glass. I sighed, watching a car drive by every few minutes. Wherever we were, it was so quite. Well, I could still hear the children downstairs having their class, but outside looked so empty. I didn't know what a suburb was at the time. But then again our old house was in the suburbs too anyway, apparently.

It was now dark outside and Ms Gabatino constantly checked up on us both to make sure we were okay, which we were. I think. During dinner, I got to know the children a bit more. Elizaveta, Emilie and Yeketrina were very friendly. Natalia was a bit quieter than the other girls and she was always clinging to her brother Ivan. It reminded me of how clingy I was to Jan sometimes. Not always - sometimes. Yeketrina preferred to be called Katrina, which was fine by me. She seemed quite shy though. Elizaveta seemed quite confident when I got to know her but she was very bossy. She'd always yell at the boys, particularly Gilbert to shut up. It made me giggle. I had my own personal body guard. Apparently she was Hungarian, which was interesting. This orphanage seemed to pick up children from other countries too, unless they were like me and Jan, whose family had moved to Paris not too long ago.

After daddy runaway, mommy had taken me and Jan away from Belgium to go live in Paris.

Antonio tried to get talking to Jan, but my brother just simply wasn't having it. I didn't bother to get my brother to talk. He probably needed the space.

There was a little Italian boy called Lovino, who would keep staring at me and then step up to me and poke my side. I'd just giggle and swat him away, or try to give him a cuddle. He seemed so sweet but grumpy at the same time.

After dinner all of the children and us would settle into the big living room which was filled with pillows and comfy cushions, and Ms Gabatino would sit and read us all a story before we'd all go upstairs for bedtime. I was constantly cuddling onto my bunny George, or have my hand held by my new best friend, Elizaveta. It felt like another long day for me and my head was starting to hurt. I fell asleep on a cushion, which was a little embarrassing, but the Asian lady Crystal lifted me up into her arms and carried me to bed whilst the others followed and got into their own bedrooms.

I was fast asleep in bed in no time, snuggling my stuffed rabbit in my arms, a faint smile on my face as I slept. I was already starting to fit into this family. It was such a big family. They could never replace mommy though, but I'd soon discover that all twenty-four of us would one big close family. We'd be safe and protect each other and nothing was going to get in our way.

Time passed. Before I knew it, I had settled in well, but Jan was struggling. He was such a loner and barely spoke since the day we arrived in the Yerres orphanage. It had been about five months now since we'd been living here. Jan and I were in the classes with the other children. We learnt all kinds of stuff. Maths, English, reading, music, art and painting, (that was my favourite.) The older children like Gilbert and Jan learnt the same things as us. Gilbert didn't mind, but Jan felt like a complete baby. Maybe it'd teach him a lesson for calling me a baby all the time.

I became good friends with a lot of the children, especially Elizaveta and Antonio who seemed to be trying to drag me towards both groups of genders. Right now I stuck with the group of girls, as much as I adored Antonio, who did actually tend to hang around us girls often but Elizaveta would just yell at him to go away.

It was now June and the warmth of summer was finally here. During breakfast Ms Gabatino announced that we were all going to go on a trip today, since it was such a lovely, beautiful day, why not go to the park?

"We're going to walk to the big park, not too far from here, children," she told us whilst we were all tucking into our bowls of cereal. I really had to learn how to make some better breakfasts when I grew up.

"It's not that far at all, but I and Crystal are all going to give you a clipboard, paper and pencil each and you're all going to go out and find something in the park to draw. Remember the artistic skills you've been learning, children!"

Everyone, overly excited to be going out all started chattering to each other, some squealing with excitement to be going out to the park. Ms Gabatino and Crystal normally did take us out a couple of times a week. I myself have never been to this park we're about to visit but I was really looking forward to it.

After breakfast, Elizaveta was in my room with Emilie and Katrina. Crystal helped me out of my gown and into my little summer dress, which she found quite sweet that it fit a five year old like me. The dress was just simply baby blue with lots of little white daisy's printed onto the material. The other girls wore their summer dresses too. We all looked quiet pretty and adorable for our ages. I wasn't bothered about that myself, although I preferred wearing pants. I pulled on my white socks and I was able to do up my own shoes too.

I asked if I could bring George along but Crystal advised me that I keep him here, just in case I accidently lost him. I tried to argue but gave up in the end.

When all of us children were all downstairs, standing and chattering loudly to each other in the hallway, Ms Gabatino handed us all clipboards with paper and a pencil for us. "Don't lose these, children! Oh, and because we need to stick together, get into pairs, please."

As soon as the lady mentioned 'get into pairs', everyone fussed and Elizaveta immediately stepped close to me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly. I giggled and shook my head, not realising that poor little Antonio was standing on my other side. He frowned and turned away from me. He was hoping to be my partner but Liz had got me first. So Toni ended up being Jan's partner, to Jan's annoyance.

When we were all into pairs, all twenty-two of us children and the two adults all set out into the street, the warm was sunshine hitting against our skins. It was such a lovely day. I just wanted to race Elizaveta to the park.

Liz had her hair tied up in a ponytail today. "Hey Emma, we should try finding a squirrel and draw it."

"A squirrel? But don't they hide up in the trees?" I asked.

Liz shook her head, beaming. "Sometimes they come down from the trees if you give them food. They like peanuts. Once I and papa went out when I was four to feed the squirrels in the park and we had a bag of peanuts to feed them. They come up to you, you know!"

"Wow, it sounds fun, I'd love to feed squirrels" I grinned, hearing the sound of my brother behind me arguing with Antonio, though Toni sounded all too cheerful to be angry. I think that's what was pissing my brother off.

When we all arrived at the park, Ms Gabatino gathered us together, shushing us to be quiet so she could speak.

"Now children, I want you to stay in your pairs at all times. Half of you will go off with me and the rest with Crystal. Remember, find something interesting and draw it. And please remember to…?"

"Stick together!" Everyone called out in reply.

"Good children!" Ms Gabatino beamed before halving us into two groups. Me, Elizaveta, Matthew, Alfred, Francis, Roderich, Emilie, Katrina, Yao, Kiku and Eduard were in one group. I was separated from Antonio, who was in the other group with Jan, Toris, Raivis, Ivan, Natalia, Gilbert, Ludwig, Feliciano, Lovino and Arthur.

My group got to have Crystal. She led us out into the huge field. My eyes widened at how big it was. There was a team of older boys playing football in the distance. Crystal informed us to not go over there in case they accidently hit us with the ball or something. We stood close to the forest of trees which were surrounding the Park field. Crystal allowed us to go off with our partners in search for something to draw, as long as we stayed in this area of the park so we wouldn't get lost.

Elizaveta tugged on my hand and started bouncing up and down with exhilaration. "Oh, oh! Emma, let's go over there by the trees! We might find some squirrels!"

"Okay," I smiled. She let go of my hand and we both toddled over into the little forest of trees. Liz peered around one of the trees, glancing up at the branches. "Wow, these trees are biiiiiig!"

I leant against my own tree and glanced up, feeling a little dizzy with how far up those branches were. "Wow…they really are," I replied.

Liz giggled, hopping over a stump. "You could play hide and seek here," she tweeted.

"You could," I replied, a little fascinated by the huge trees. "Maybe we should just draw a tree."

"Eww no, Emma!" Liz argued. "Trees are boring; I want to draw a squirrel."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

Liz suggested that we both split up and search for something interesting. I tried to remind her that we were meant to stay with our partners but she gave me a cheeky grin and said, "Oh come on, Emma. We know where we are and we're not separating that far. I'll meet you back at this stump here," she said, giving the hunk of wood a kick before twisting around with her clipboard and marching off in the other direction, leaving me standing in the middle of the forest of huge tall trees, all towering over me.

"…" I glanced back up at the trees; narrowing me eyes a little to protect them from the sunlight which beamed down in oodles of little sun rays, which shone spots on my face.

I started to walk on, trudging through the grass, hoping to just find a squirrel crawling around in search for some food. I sat down on the stump, placing my clipboard and pencil down and looked around, quite enjoying the quietness of this place. I remember when mommy use to take me to the park all the time; I'd always see people lazing around on the grass, falling asleep. I always wondered why. Now I think I know.

I stood up again, not bothering to take the clipboard and wandered further into the little forest of huge trees, skipping over every rock or branch in the ground I'd come across, a joyful grin on my face.

I hopped over a particularly large tree root, glancing up and suddenly froze in my tracks, my green crystal eyes widening at what I saw.

It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my entire life.


	4. Chapter 4

I stood there in awe, my arms lowering as if my soul was being sucked right out of me. If anyone saw me, they'd probably think I was hypnotised or something.

There in front of me was a huge, massive wall. Well, no it wasn't a wall. It was a hedge, but it was huge and it was covered with thousands and thousands of different coloured roses, all growing out of it. The rays of sunlight's beaming through the tops of the trees shone down onto the hedge mystically. It was so striking. There were white roses, red roses, black roses, yellow roses, pink roses, even glittery blue roses!

What struck me even more were the millions of little butterflies fluttering around the roses and the hedge. My eyes were gleaming with amazement. This didn't look real. It couldn't be real. It looked too magical…

But what if it was real? Maybe I wasn't dreaming. Maybe this is supposed to tell me something. Of course, being a five year old little girl I never thought of this, I was much too fascinated by the magic of this sight.

I felt a little overwhelmed but inspired. My heart was fluttering as quickly as the colourful wings of those butterflies. I whipped my head around to look back over my shoulder, to see if anyone from the other group was close by. Nobody was there. I felt trapped in a real forest, like in one of those fantasy stories mommy used to read to me.

I then turned my head back towards this beautiful hedge, my eyes blinking curiously when I spotted a big hole in the bottom of the hedge. At first I wondered if foxes had probably been digging into the hedge, but it felt suspicious. My head tilted and I stepped closer, the butterflies not bothering me. They just continued to flutter where they were.

I knelt down in front of the hole. It was quite immense and big enough for me to climb through. My child instincts were telling me that if I crawled through, I'd end up in some magical land, again, just like in the stories mommy use to read to me.

I started to crawl through the hole feeling the leaves and the twigs of the hedge rub against me. I was probably going to get my dress all mucky but who could blame me. I was just a curious little girl. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. For a second I pretended I was, until I crawled out of the other side of the hedge.

A frown came to my face as I pulled myself up to my feet, not even bothering to brush the dirt off of my knees. I stood there, my shoulders lowering. I was standing in the forest of trees again. Did I take a wrong turning? Everything was exactly the same.

I turned back and looked at the hedge. It was exactly the same.

I looked back in front of me at the collection of trees.

Everything was exactly the same.

Maybe I really did take a wrong turning when I climbed through. Either way I walked on, figuring I should go find Elizaveta. I stopped in my tracks when I spotted the stump from before. "…." Okay, now I was shocked.

"Didn't I leave my clipboard there?" I asked myself quietly. Surely I did. I remember sitting down on the stump, leaving the clipboard there. Now it was gone, unless Liz took it. But she couldn't have because she went the other way.

Now I was starting to get confused. Maybe the sun was getting to my head. Despite all, I walked on. My knees stung a little from crawling in the dirt but I ignored it, wanting to know where I was or—

I heard hooves; galloping hooves. At first I thought I was imagining this noise.

I twisted around in all directions, turnings circles, trying to catch the sight of whatever the noise was coming from. There. I spotted a stag in the distance, prancing around through the trees. My eyes widened and I gasped. What was a stag doing in a park? They didn't have deer running lose in this park, surely they didn't. Did they?

And then I started to ask myself: was I even in the park?

Swallowing I walked forwards again, my eyes darting around cautiously. "Liz?" I called out. No answer. "Liz?" I call out a little louder; again, no answer. Now I was getting worried. I started to shake.

Where was everyone?

Where was I?

I kept walking, gradually stepping out into the clearing of the park field, my eyes widening. It was completely empty. It looked exactly like the park, but deserted. No icky couples, no football players in the distance. The weather even remained the same. However I did notice one thing. There were no railings or gates of fences in the distance. That was really odd.

I started to whimper, tears forming up in my green eyes. "Where is everyone…?" I snivelled to myself, wishing I had my bunny George to snuggle, or Jan's hand to hold. I tried to be brave but I was just so confused and frightened.

Things only started to get scarier from there. Everything darkened a fraction and my head whipped up to the sky. The clouds became murky and the blue of the sky faded to an odd orangey colour, almost making everything look like it was sunset. Everywhere I walked, little tiny daisies would bloom beneath my feet in the grass.

I started to cry quietly to myself, dropping to my knees, my dress sprawled out around me. "Jan?" I cried out. "Jan where are you?" I slapped both of my hands over my mouth and gasped, my watery eyes widening so much they were almost popping out of my head.

In the distance was a huge, magnificent black Pegasus. It's coat jet black and shining. It was a long distance away from me but I could see it clearly. The powerful creature reared up onto his back legs in the centre of the park field, wings stretching out and making it seem much superior to what it was. It whinnied, which sounded more like a thunderous battle cry, the sound travelling all through the park like an explosion.

I whimpered and curled over in the grass, covering my little arms over my head protectively, sobbing with panic from the noise, trying to cover my ears. It was so loud; I thought I was going to go deaf.

"Please stop! Make it stop!" I cried in my arms, trembling with fright.

And suddenly, just like that, everything stopped.

I didn't even realise that things had become quiet then and the sky had returned to its normal blue summer colour. I was still quivering, and although by now I realised it was suddenly dead silent with just the sound of birds chirping in the background, I remained curled up on my front, too petrified to see what had happened to the park next.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I immediately flinched to sit up, shrieking and backing away from whoever was touching me. I fell back onto my butt with a cry, staring with teary eyes up at an unbelievably tall man who had appeared in front of me.

My eyes widened again. He was so tall compared to me. He wore a long, old, ripped black cloak which hung loosely around his neck, attached with a hood which was covered over his head. I could barely see his face right this second; just his smile. The rest of his face was shadow.

His hand was reached out to me, a black fingerless gloved hand. Whatever he was wearing it looked like some sort of old medieval fashion. Maybe he was a reaper or something. I remembered Jan reading about those things to me once.

And he touched me. But I wasn't dead. Was I?

I could barely speak. I was in too much shock. The man knelt down in front of me, pushing his black hood off and revealing his head and his face. The man's hair was a dirty blonde colour and it was extremely messy. It stuck up, as if he had been brushing it back with his fingers for years, with little odd strands of hair hanging over his eyes. Black eyebrows; eyes glimmered like the blue ocean during the summer's day.

"Hey…" he said in the softest tone I ever heard in my life. His hand remained held out to me. "Don't be afraid…I didn't mean to scare you."

I just stared up at him like he was a ghost or something. Who the heck was he? Where was I? Why was everything just being so weird? I was too young to understand any of this. I sat on my knees, huddling my arms to my chest protectively when he held his hand closer to me, hiding my hand over my nose. I shook my head, turning my head away from him. He looked scary with all that black clothing on. Maybe he came from the past. I don't know.

"Please don't be afraid. I didn't mean to scare you there. I guess I was just excited to find you," the man said, his extremely whitened teeth revealed each time he grinned.

I glanced hesitantly up at the big scary man, shaking non-stop. "…f-find me?" I asked, not sure what he meant. Was I meant to be here?

The man nodded and sat down on his knees in front of me. "Mhmm. I've been waiting for you."

"Waiting…?" I swallowed, tilting my body to the side to glance past him and at the field behind him. I straightened up, quickly wiping my eyes and looking back up at him. "…there was a big horsie there…with wings…." I said quietly, ducking my head a little.

The man's grin widened and he nodded. "Oh, was there? That was me."

He can't be serious. I blinked rapidly, almost able to believe anything at this point. I was a child after all. I still believed in Santa and tooth fairies.

"Th-that …was you?"

There was another nod given from the man. "That was me. I can transform into anything you want me too," he smiled; such a wide but sweet smile.

"…R-really? …W-what are you?" I asked. I was starting to calm down. Perhaps this man really meant no harm at all, though I did wish he wore something less threatening looking.

"I'm a bit like a sorcerer," he told me. I had no idea about these words, but I did recognise them from my brother, since he had an interest in mythology and fantasy and all that. He was studying it for English after all. Well, when we use to live with mommy.

"W-what's a sor…sorce…." I struggled to pronounce anything.

"Sorcerer," the man chuckled. "It's like a magician. You know what a magician is right?"

All of a sudden I perked up inadequately, a faint smile appearing on my feline lips. "Oui! Mommy took me and Jan to my friend's birthday party and there was a magician there. He was magic," I smiled. "…but he couldn't turn into a flying horsie like you can."

The man ruffled my hair and I flinched, noticing his sweet smile. For some reason, I felt I could trust him, so I returned the smile.

"My name is Mathias by the way," the man said, holding his fingerless gloved hand back to me again. This man had a strange accent. At first I thought he was German, but he didn't sound like it.

"…I'm Emma," I smiled shyly, holding my tiny palm out to his large hand, which he gently shook.

"Nice to meetcha, Emma. You can call me Mathias, or Matty, or Mat, or Denny."

I couldn't help but giggle at the last name. "Denny? Why Denny?"

Mathias's teeth flashed each time he grinned at me and he ruffled my hair again. "That's a secret, my dear."

I pouted. "Alright, so…" I stood up so I was eye level with him and poked his big nose. "Show me what you can do."

Mathias sniggered and stood up, towering over me again, enough to block out my sunlight. "Alright," he said confidently, folding his arms. "Give me something to do and I'll do it."

Such a big request for little me; "I, um… I don't know," I murmured, tangling my tiny fingers around each other bashfully.

"Well, no problem. What's your favourite animal?" He asked, hands on hips.

"...cat?" I muttered.

And just like that, Mathias pulled his cloak over himself. I could hear the sound of the material flapping against the air and then all of a sudden the cloak fell into a pile on the ground.

Out crawled a little fluffy ginger feline from underneath, it's fuzzy tail swishing as he mewed up at me. I could barely contain my astonishment and squealed, kneeling down and about to stroke the creature but it suddenly blackened and I flinched back.

The cat's figure faded and disappeared within seconds into what looked like black smoke which refigured itself into a human, which so happened to be Mathias again.

I stood there in astonishment, my crystal eyes wide yet again. "…."

Mathias stood there in front of me with a broad smile on his face, his head held high with pride.

"..w-whoa…okay," I trembled, quite taken aback by what I just saw. What did I just see? It was breath taking. This man just transformed into another living creature then back again right before my eyes. "w-what sort of other things can you do..?" I asked him curiously, my large eyes flickering up to his.

"Welp, pretty much anything you want me to," Mathias said with a nod, resting his fingers in his belt.

I stared up at him in thought. Was this guy being serious? I didn't know what to believe anymore. What I just saw was impossible but it was real, because I saw it with my own eyes. I didn't just imagine it? This man was pretty much God. I believed that when he said he could do anything I wanted him to do, he could do it.

"Can you make me smarter?" I grinned, holding my hands behind my back and rocking myself on my feet.

Mathias raised an eyebrow at me and shook his head, ruffling my hair. I frowned in disappointment. "I can't do anything to you." My heart sank a little. "But I can do things for you."

"Then make me smarter!" I whined.

He shook his head. "Sorry, kiddo. I don't want to mess with your life… It's quite risky…"

"I don't understand!" I continued to whine.

Mathias knelt down in front of me again, placing his large fingerless gloved hand on top of my little head.

"Kid, it's hard to explain, but when you grow older, I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be with you and I can maybe explain it to you a bit clearer then."

I frowned and my shoulders fell. I hated it when grown-ups said that they'll explain stuff when I'm older. It annoyed me so much. Why not tell me now?

I sighed heavily, exaggerating my pout. "Fine," I huffed then and folded my arms. Mathias laughed at me and tapped my shoulder, standing back up again.

I decided to give him another chance. After all, watching him rear up as powerful creatures, then watching him morph mysteriously into another was just beyond amazing. I was still starting to believe he was God, or a shape shifter. I remember big brother Jan telling me about shape shifters.

Mathias started to walk on, signalling with his hand for me to follow, so I did; the man's big cloak flapping in the wind behind him. I toddled up beside him, staring up at him as we walked along through the field.

"Hey mister…?"

"Please, call me Denny," he grinned down at me. This man liked to smile a lot. It made me smile too.

"…Denny?"

"Ja?"

"Are you God?"

Mathias stopped in his tracks and turned towards me. I frowned, thinking I said something wrong but his smile remained on his face so I was confused.

"Emma… I can't do everything. So nej, I'm not God. Ja, I'm powerful, but I'm not that powerful. I can't control the whole world. Heck, I can't even leave my this world."

"This world? What do you mean this world?"

"Your world," he nodded and held his arms up, "all of this. Everything you see is all part of your world. Everything I do is all part of your imagination. This is your imagination, Emma."

"…But….but it feels so real!" Surely he couldn't be serious.

Mathias knelt down in front of me again, placing another hand on my shoulder. "If you say it's real - then it's real," he smiled widely.

I thought about it for a moment before returning a smile.

"I'm still confused…" I admitted timidly.

Mathias took my hand gently, holding my tiny paw in his large, hand. To me his fingers were fat. I almost wanted to squish them. I wondered if daddy's hands were like that.

"You don't have to be confused here, Emma," he told me in such a soft tone yet again, eyes directly looking into mine. "This is your freedom. You love butterflies, right? Your favourite colour is orange," Mathias glanced up at the sky and I was reminded of that sunset. "You love horses. You love summer. You love to laugh and be happy. This is your world, Emma."

I was probably too young to understand this, but even at my young age I was eagerly interested especially what with I just saw.

"I'm just here to make your desires become a reality," he told me, his voice quietening.

I was quite taken back by how he knew what I liked. It was all true. Maybe I should give in.

Mathias tugged my hand gently and stood back up again. "C'mon. I want to show you more."

More of my world? Or my imagination?


	5. Chapter 5

I wandered through the vast, open 'park' field with the tall blond man who supposedly was called Mathias who apparently liked to be called Denny for some reason. I still couldn't get over that name or why he liked to be called it. It made me smile. It didn't make him seem so scary anymore.

Mathias walked at a steady pace ideally for me so my little stumpy legs could keep up with this giant. His sharp, blue eyes glanced in their corners down at me and I blinked up at him in return, curiously.

"So Emma, what sorts of things do you like to do?" he asked me.

"um…" again I had so many things to say and I was too overwhelmed and shy to yap on right now. I tried to think about the things I enjoyed to do in the orphanage during class time. "I like to draw and paint-"

I was cut off by my own gasp when Mathias stopped and knelt down in front of me, handing me what seemed like a paintbrush.

What do you know, it was a paintbrush.

"W-where did you get that?" I whispered stutteringly.

Mathias just smiled warmly at me and signalled with a nod of his head for me to take the paintbrush. My delicate little fingers curled around the stick of the brush. It was so ordinary, nothing special about it.

"Call it your magic wand if y'want. You said you like to paint, right? Well with this, it'll let ya' paint whatever y'want, wherever y'want."

My eyes grew a fraction at what Denny had told me. I believed it for certain this time especially after all the fascination I had just witnessed a few minutes ago. I stared at Mathias, a little hesitant on what to do. He gave me another nod and spoke again.

"Go on. Try to paint something."

I pressed my thin lips together and knelt down inquisitively. I was starting to believe I was in a dream, and everything that was happening was just made up. But then again, I was just a child. I believed in so much. After all…

This felt too real to be a dream.

Sucking up a breath I gently stroked the paint brush against some blades of grass and with what I saw it caused me to gasp again and almost yelp.

The grass blades glowered in almost every single colour imaginable. It was like a rainbow sea reflected onto the grass blades. The colours warped out further and further outwards until I found myself standing in the middle of a rainbow coloured field.

I straightened up, turning circles and staring around myself in awe. For a girl at such a young age, surely I couldn't take this. But no, I believed this was true. I believed that the impossible is always possible no matter how small the chances are.

I glanced up at Mathias who gazed out at the multi-coloured fields and foliage, his eyes soon turning down to my contact again.

"…I-I…h-how did I…" I started to stutter again, almost dropping the paint brush in my hands but kept hold of it, staring at it like it was some sort of curse. But it was completely the opposite of that.

"Your imagination, Emma," Mathias told me in such a calm voice. It almost reminded me of how mommy use to speak to me when I was upset, usually after Jan and I had a fight.

I could barely speak right now. I literally had the universe at my fingertips and I didn't even realise this. I was too overwhelmed.

With a chuckle, the tall blond Denny turned to me and took both of my hands gently in his own. I wondered where the paintbrush had gone to; whether I dropped it or not but it seemed to have randomly disappeared. Maybe this really was a dream.

With a giggle I was lifted up into the air and into Mathias' big comfy arms, his scary clothing actually quite comfortable. He gave me a huge grin and I returned it with my own.

My giggles and Mathias' laughter filled the air and echoed all through the forest. I could have sworn I saw that stag again pouncing around in the distance but I was having too much fun to care less. Denny lifted me up and I only giggled more and more until he settled me back into his arms again.

I felt so happy. Who was this scary man who I didn't find so scary anymore?

Was he daddy?

Daddy…is that you?

Is this what daddies are like?

Are daddies too amazing to stay with their family?

My thoughts were interrupted when Mathias placed me down, my small feet resting on the roof of his own huge feet. He held onto both of my hands.

"Emma. Do you trust me?" The man asked me, eyes staring directly down at me again.

I had to lift my head up a lot just to look at him because he was so tall; likewise Mathias had to arch his back just to look at me. I nodded in reply.

"I do!"

From the moment I said do, the entire field crumbled within seconds and changed ethereal completely from earth into water. The whole field was now a sea.

I yelped, the sea air shooting up into my nose. I was standing on Mathias' feet, which was standing on water!

We were standing on water! How was that possible?

"Denny!" I screamed, flailing and abruptly wrapping my arms around his legs, staring down at the water, startled. "Denny I don't want to fall in!" I panicked just as his large hands wrapped around me and I was lifted up again, being placed in the space in front of him.

"You won't! Trust me!"

I was standing on water.

I… was… standing… on…water…

I had my eyes closed tightly but after a moment I slowly developed the courage to open them. The first things I saw were my black shoes, standing on the glistening, rippling blue water. "…."

"Anything is possible, Emma. Remember I told you this is your world? Well I meant it," Mathias told me, placing a fingerless gloved hand on his chest where his heart was. "You're free here, Emma. This is your freedom."

I felt like I had heard these words before but I think Denny was just repeating them. I cautiously lifted my foot and placed it back down again, hearing the quiet sounds of the splashing water as I moved.

Here came my question. "A-am I dreaming?"

The wind gently blew through Mathias' slightly baggy hair as he gazed softly at me. With a flat wave of his hand the entire surface of the water returned back into solid grass terrain.

I yelped and stumbled back onto my butt in the grass. Despite the shock I giggled it out until Mathias knelt down in front of me again with a serious look on his face. My laughter faded.

I felt scared again.

"Emma," a forced smile grew on his lips but I took it as a real one. "It's time for you to go home now. Your classmates will be wondering where you've disappeared to."

"… huh?" Now how did he know?

He placed a hand on my head, weakly giving my hair a ruffle. I blinked innocently up at him with my large, emerald eyes.

"You can come back here again, Emma. Anytime you want to; no matter when, I'll be waiting here for you the whole time. There's so much to see and do in your world, after all."

I nodded slowly and quietened for a moment, thinking. Of course I wanted to come back. But how exactly do I even get back to the 'real world' in the first place?

"I'd love to come back but… h-how do I get home?" I asked timidly.

Mathias smiled truly and cocked his head to the side, towards the forest of trees where, if I remembered correctly I had first come from.

"The same way you came in," he simply replied, that smile never leaving his face once again.

My own lips curled up into a wide beam. "Okay… thank you; merci, Denny."

He placed a peck on the top of my head, letting go of me like a father saying bye to his child on her first day of school.

"I'll see you very soon, Emma Maes."

How did he know my last name?

Oh well. He did say he was a magician or something like that. I walked on in the direction of the trees, my head looking back over my shoulder constantly at him.

We waved to each other until we were both out of each other's sights. I found the gateway. The hedge in which I came in from. I stared back through the forest, not wanting to leave but I soon convinced myself to finally kneel down and crawl back through the hole.

When I scuttled out and returned to the "other side" of the hedge again I stood back up to my feet, holding onto my head and suddenly feeling a little dizzy. Despite that I stepped on and staggered around the corner of a large tree, only to spot my friend Elizabeta there standing by the tree stump with my paper and clipboard still there sitting on the stump like it was before.

I blinked rapidly, still rubbing my head and trying to focus on real life now.

But what was real life anymore?

Liz squeaked and bolted up to me, giggling. "Look what I drew, Em!" She beamed and held up her clipboard right in my face for me to see.

It looked like a bunch of random squiggles.

"U-Uh…"

"It's a squirrel, silly!" Liz chuckled and placed her hands on her hips. "What did you draw? And why did you leave your clipboard here?"

I turned my head a little to the side, wanting to look back around the tree to see if the hedge was still there. I managed to do so, just barely peeking around quickly.

The hedge was there but no roses. No butterflies.

I frowned in disappointment and confusion before Liz shook me and grabbed my hand, giggling. "Come on, Crystal will be wondering where we are by now, we should go back."

And so I was dragged back to our group who reunited with Ms Gabatino's group. We all gathered near the field, sitting in a circle underneath the shades of the trees which protected us from the summer sun and we took turns showing and telling everyone what we found and what we drew.

My eyes were constantly daydreaming out at the field. It looked smaller than the mystical one I had just been in but still the same but this field had the football players back running around in the distance.

"Emma?" Ms Gabatino spoke. Apparently it was my turn to show and tell. I bit my lip and lowered my head. Denny never told me whether I could tell anyone else about 'my world'. I curled my fingers around each other nervously, trying to think up an excuse.

"Em?" Ms Gabatino repeated.

"I couldn't find anything…" I lied.

I had found something amazing. I had found something a million times better than what the other children had found.

Later on, after everyone had shown what they drew and told everyone what they found, (except for me of course), Ms Gabatino and Crystal led all of us children back out of the park and on our way home.

Liz wouldn't stop talking about everything. I wasn't listening to her half the time because I had my eyes on the ground, daydreaming about 'my world' but from what I could pick up Liz was talking about animals.

At last, we were home. Everyone made their way to their bedrooms to have a bit of free time before lunch would be ready. After kicking my shoes off I collapsed onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling with a blank wondrous look on my face. Some of the other children were downstairs. Jan was probably with them.

I then heard the faint sound of somebody knocking on my door but I was too lost in my daydream to pay attention to anything in the real world right now. Little Antonio had stepped in and stood beside my bed, staring at me. "Emma?" he blinked, waving a hand in front of my face. He could tell I was out of it.

I yelped and sat up, my cheeks darkening to a crimson colour; "Y-yes?"

Antonio giggled and shook his head. "Are you okay?"

"Oh…yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry, Toni I was just daydreaming."

"Daydreaming? What about?" he asked me; not the question I wanted to hear.

I bit my lip, scrunching my tiny hands into the hem of my dress as I tried to think. Antonio was such a funny boy and he was the first orphan I met here. I trusted him.

"Toni…can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead!"

"Do you believe in magic?"

"Huh?"

"Do you believe in magic and…and flying horses and rainbow grass…and orange skies…?"

Antonio just stared at me with a muddled look on his face before he started chuckling. "I guess so; I mean nothing is impossible right?"

Impossible - Such a big word for little me. "I guess not…"

"Well then. Why do you ask?"

"Um…" Oh God I couldn't just tell him straight on that I had seen all this stuff. "No reason, I'm just… imagining stuff, heh-heh."

"Wow, that's one heck of an imagination you have then, Emma!" Toni beamed.

I smiled but looked away shyly, "you think I'm crazy…"

"Eh? No I don't!"

I giggled under my breath and grabbed a pillow, whacking him with it. "Yes you do!"

Antonio yelped and laughter filled the room. He grabbed the pillow from Jan's bed and whacked me in return with it. "No I don't!"

I shrieked and got up onto my socked feet on the bed, bouncing up and down on and tried to thump Antonio again with the pillow but he got me again first.

In the end we were both crying with laughter and I stumbled onto my soft bed, curling up and giggling uncontrollably. I rolled over onto my back, letting my arms rest on either side of my head as I waited to calm my giggles and catch my breath. I then heard Antonio laughing again but this time he was laughing at me. I sat up, looking at him puzzled. "What's so funny?"

He was pointing at me, cheeky giggles filling the empty room. "I can see your underwear!"

I gasped and pulled my dress down with a growl and grabbed the pillow, throwing it at him. "Stupid! Don't look there!"

Antonio shook his head, dropping the pillow as he calmed.

"I'm sorry Emma, I-"

He was interrupted by the sound of Ms Gabatino's muffled voice calling for everyone from downstairs for lunch time.

"Oh good I'm starving! I hope Ms Gabatino has tomatoes today like yesterday."

I giggled and grabbed my bunny George, hiding my face behind him and crossing my legs over just in case, watching my friend.

Antonio looked back at me, signalling that I followed. "C'mon Ems, lunchtime!" And in no time Toni had bolted out of my room.

I remained were I was, sitting on my bed in thought and let myself flop back onto my back, my eyes on the pale white ceiling once again. I felt so happy I could barely take it and my head was hurting from all the laughing.

I tightened my hold around George before holding the stuffed bunny up in the air and looking at him. "….Denny?" I whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Throughout the next few days I had really been out of it; lost in my own little world. I'd sometimes dance around in circles in my bedroom, swinging my stuffed bunny George around with me. Or I'd bounce up on my bed, jumping onto Jan's bed then back to mine, pretending I was leaping over a canyon. Or I'd run out into the garden and pretend to be a flying black Pegasus. Or I'd dodge through the other children or the garden plants pretending to be one of those beautiful deer's.

If I wasn't imagining, I was trying to persuade Ms Gabatino and Crystal to take us back to the park soon. I never got the answer I wanted and days were passing by which turned into weeks and I still never got to see Denny again. Each afternoon when I got tired I'd sit by the window in the living room and watch the summer rain pelt down from outside, sighing to myself and wishing I could go see Denny again.

August, 1987.

A whole two months had passed by and I still hadn't been given the chance to go back to the park to see Denny. I still believed in what I saw and I was desperate to see it again. Ms Gabatino and Crystal took us out on trips to museums and stuff, but never the park.

It was quite a warm afternoon and all of the children were in class. We were painting today. We all had our own easels each with a large white paper placed firmly onto the board so we could paint. We were told by Crystal that we could paint whatever our imaginations told us to, but my imagination was wandering. I was stood next to the window and my eyes would constantly glance out at the summer's day, wishing I could be out there again. I wore my pale blue dress today with a white cardigan and matching white ribbons tied in my hair.

I started to paint but not even looking at what I was doing, as if I were being controlled by two different souls or as if only my hand had a mind of its own.

I'd dip the brush into red and paint; then into orange and paint; then into yellow and paint. When I finally did look back at what I painted my eyes widened. It was just a big mess of all different colours splodged together on the page. It reminded me of the multi-coloured grass I painted in 'my world'.

Crystal knelt down beside me, smiling at my painting but with a bit of a confused glisten in her eye. "And what have you painted, Emma?" She asked me.

I bit my lip, staring deeply at what I created and lowered my head. "Rainbow grass," I mumbled.

"…Ah well…It's….it's very colourful," she smiled sweetly, straightening back up.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Later on that day the children had break which was about two, sometimes three hours free time where we got to go around the orphanage building doing what we liked. Most children were outside in the garden playing, mostly the boys. Some were in the library, Crystal reading them a story.

I wandered through the hallways with Elizaveta and Emilie, my bunny George cuddled in my arms.

"Say Emma, why do you always carry that toy around?" Emilie asked me, swishing her plaited hair back.

"You mean George?"

"George?" Liz laughed. I pouted and huffed.

"I named him after daddy."

"Oh," Emilie gave me a faint smile. "That's sweet."

"I have my own dolls," Liz boasted. She did have a lot of dolls. I've visited her bedroom a number of times, almost every day and I've got to admit her collections of dolls are really creepy. "I name them after types of flowers." I had also learnt within the past few months of living here that Liz liked flowers and knew all different types.

"George is just special to me I guess…" I shrugged.

Liz stopped all three of us in the middle of the hallway, looking like she got an idea. "Oh gosh we should get all of our toys together and make them fight one another! Like in those stupid wrestling shows Gilbert watches. It'll be fun!"

I was expecting Liz to say something really girly like a tea party or something but Liz really wasn't the type of girl she seemed. She seems girly but she acted really bossy and tough at times.

Emilie giggled and rolled her eyes, folding her arms. "I'm too grown up for toys and silly games like that." Emilie on the other hand wanted to grow up too quickly.

I giggled and shook my head. All of a sudden I caught sight of Ms Gabatino standing by the far end of the hallway just near the front door of the orphanage, talking to someone. It looked like a man, a rather old man who was handing Ms Gabatino a huge black sack. My curiosity always got the better of me, but it never killed me.

Whilst Liz was busy persuading Emilie to agree to her ideas, I watched our carer speaking to the male stranger, trying to focus on what they were saying.

"Ah so these are all of your old clothes, right sir?" Ms Gabatino asked the man.

The old man nodded, barely smiling. "There's mostly gear I wore when I was a lad back in the 20s."

Wow, he really was old, I thought.

"This is great, thank you so much for donating them," she then chuckled. "We're a house full of children under the age of ten, but before we know it they'll be grown up fast. I'm sure we can save these for the boys. I bet Jan would look handsome in these when he's older."

"I would have gave them to a charity but y'know how much of a con some of 'em are."

"Tell me about it"

"There's also my wife's clothes in the other sack too," the man said, handing our Ms Gabatino another black sack.

I had no idea what they were talking about. I watched Ms Gabatino place the sacks down and chuckle again, helping the old man towards the front doors and chattering away with him.

Whilst they weren't looking I padded down the hallway until I reached the sacks and peered into one. I don't know why I thought I'd find stuffed animals in there. Probably because I remember a long time ago when mommy took all of my old toys and stuffed them in a bag like this.

"Hey Emma, what are you doing?" Liz asked me, stepping up beside me wit Emilie.

Emilie peered into one of the sacks and chuckled. "Ew, they smell funny. These are old people's clothes."

And yet she was the one acting like she was elder than us. "Yeah, some old man gave them to Ms Gabatino. I don't know what they're for though," I said, rummaging through the sack and pulled out a pair of black pants, the side of my nose scrunching up.

Why did I suddenly have a mental image of Denny wearing these? They may be old people's clothes but at least they'd been better than the scary things he wore last time I saw him. Well, the only time I saw him. I glanced at Ms Gabatino by the doorway; too busy yapping on with the old man.

Liz reached in the sack and pulled out a red stripy tie, "hey we can use this as a blindfold!"

"A blindfold?" Emilie questioned suspiciously.

"Yeah, you can play all sorts of games with blindfolds."

Good thing none of us got the reference.

I only rolled my eyes and continued rummaging through the sack. There was a bunch of stuff. The stripy red tie, black pants, white shirt, manky old shoes, black sleeveless jacket. I couldn't help but imagine Denny actually wearing these. I almost wanted to steal them and take them to him. He must have been wearing that scary cape for God knows how long.

"Quick, Gabatino is coming!" Emilie whispered to us and we flinched, dropping the clothes I pulled out and we all bolted off around the corner and down the hallways, rolling up with giggles and laughter.

Later on me, Emilie and Liz were sat in Emilie's bedroom. Emilie sat on the bed with Liz, braiding her long brunette hair whilst Liz twirled the pink flower in her hands, the one she normally wore in her hair.

I sat on the floor cross legged. We were laughing about shows we've watched, just mostly cartoons like Tom and Jerry which we all liked. I asked the girls if they liked the Tintin comics but none of them read them to my disappointment.

Crystal then peered into the room, a sweet smile on her face. "Hey girls sorry to interrupt but Ms Gabatino has asked me to ask you if you would like to take a quick trip to the park this afternoon."

I gasped and my eyes lit up and I shot up to my feet, dropping George. "Yes yes I want to see Den—" I froze. "I mean…heh, yes please, Crystal."

Emilie and Liz snickered behind me but also agreed to come along to the trip.

Only some of the children came, since the others wanted to stay indoors with Ms Gabatino. The rest of us went out with Crystal which consisted of me, Emilie, Elizaveta, Katrina, Eduard, Toris, Antonio, Lovino and Feliciano.

I walked along with the group down the street like we did last time, unable to remove the huge smile off of my face. I almost wanted to cry with happiness. I was going to see Denny again, finally. I walked alongside Liz and the girls, not realising Antonio was walking next to me. He gently took my hand in his own and it almost caused me to flinch. I whipped my head towards him, suddenly glancing down in alarm out our hands.

Antonio said nothing and only smiled at me. I smiled too and kept quiet, hearing Liz snickering behind me again.

I formerly heard the Italian Lovino grumble, who then abruptly shoved Antonio away from me.

Crystal stopped and twisted around towards us, glaring at Lovino and Antonio like a hungry lioness. "Hey! Behave or we're going home!"

Lovi huffed whilst Antonio pouted. I kept my head down, covering my tiny hand over my mouth to hide my wide smile.

When we reached the park I bounced up and down on my feet, asking Crystal if we can go over to the trees again.

"Okay, but stay close to the group okay?"

"I will!" I said, already bolting off from the group and racing towards the forest of trees. Liz and Emilie jumped in surprise when I had scarpered off like that. I didn't realise they were following me. I just ran as fast as I could, enjoying the warm breeze rush through my golden hair and the exhilarating feeling of leaping over each tree root I came across.

And then there it was.

I slowed down, panting heavily when I arrived at my destination, standing in front of the mystical hedge once again, my smile growing wider and wider in fascination at the butterflies and roses from before.

As soon as I spotted that immense hole from before I moved forward and knelt down, starting to crawl through it again. I was excited that I was giggling to myself. I wondered what Denny had in store for me today.

I staggered out to the other side, trying to catch my breath and focus. I felt so free this time, unlike last time where I didn't know what to expect and felt incredibly scared. This time I admired everything around me as I journeyed through the little forest again, turning circles and twisting around in all directions, spotting the fluttery sights of the chirping birds up in the trees.

The trees here were high up too. I wished I could climb up there. Maybe one day Denny would let me.

I soon arrived to the clearing of the field and felt my heart do funny flips inside my chest. I felt so giddy with eagerness of meeting Denny again. Walking on I scanned around, trying to spot him or any sort of creature which could be him.

Where was he? I started to frown once I reached the centre of the field.

"… Denny?" I whispered, my neck starting to hurt from turning so much. Nonetheless I kept on walking and eventually came to the lake. I had never actually came to this lake in real life before but I knew there was one.

I held my hands behind my back, humming a little tune to myself as I stepped up to the glistening water. I wondered if I could walk on this water too. I decided to get down on my hands and knees and peered over, spotting my reflection in the rippling water. I beamed at myself until I realised something.

It was my reflection but… I looked so beautiful. My reflection wasn't so chubby and didn't look so childish. She looked so mature. In fact my reflection looked like my older self, staring back up at me. I sat up in surprise, touching my own face to make sure I hadn't grown older but everything still felt the same. Still the same little button nose I had. Gosh, was I really going to look that beautiful when I was older?

"Do you like it?"

His voice.

"Yes," I smiled and glanced back over my shoulder. When I saw Denny my eyes widened.

He stood there, still the same Denny from before but he wasn't wearing that scary black cloak anymore. A stripy red tie, black pants, white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, manky old shoes, black sleeveless jacket. What the…

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"You…" slowly I stood up. "You're wearing those clothes…the ones I found in the black sack back at the orphanage." Gosh, Denny looked so different in smart clothes. He looked less of a threat and more of a gentleman. Though being a five to six year old I didn't care about attractiveness. I was more baffled by how and why he was wearing the same exact clothes that old stranger gave to Ms Gabatino.

"Oh you mean these?" Mathias tugged a little at the tie and smirked. "Don't you remember? You imagined me to wear these."

"… I did?" I blinked, feeling my heart flip again.

Mathias nodded. "Yup!" He knelt in front of me again with a grin on his face.

"But I don't understand…" I admitted, staring at his bright red tie.

"You imagined me wearing these in the real world. This world you're in now is your imagination. So voila, here I am in this random get up."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I can't believe it… hehe, they suit you."

"Why thank you, madam," he bowed his head jokingly, causing me to giggle more.

"So if I imagined you in a dress would you wear it?" I grinned cheekily.

Mathias' eyebrows raised and he chuckled sheepishly. "Yep, I guess; if you really want to see a big stupid man like me in a dress, sure."

I rolled up with laughter, Denny punishing me by tickling my sides, only causing me to giggle even more. He stopped and sat down cross-legged beside me. I crawled up to him, sitting in front of the giant man.

"Hey Denny?"

"Hm," He hummed.

"I'm sorry it took a long time for me to come back. It's been raining and we've been busy…I can only come when Crystal or Ms Gabatino takes us out to the park," I told him, picking out some grass blades from the ground.

"Aw don't worry about it," Mathias smiled, holding a hand up. I noticed he was still wearing those fingerless gloves. That did curious me.

"But you must get lonely here all by yourself…" I frowned.

"Nope. If you're happy in the real world then I'll be happy too."

I still didn't get it but I accepted his words and nodded. My thoughts then went back to the image of older me in the reflection and I looked back towards the lake, lowering my head a little.

"She was beautiful, huh?" Mathias muttered.

I nodded quietly. "I wish I could be like her."

I felt the leather of Mathias' glove press against my cheek as he turned my childish face to look at him. "Hey, trust me. You'll be her one day."

I smiled, "I can't wait."

"Neither can I."

I always had so many questions to ask Denny but never did ask them. For example why didn't he ever grow old? Or how was he able to make big things happen in this world? How long exactly had he existed? It amazed me. I didn't want to ever leave.

We spent ages resting on our backs in the grass. I told Denny about my life in the orphanage and how much I enjoy it and the friendly people there. I tried asking Denny about his life, but he never answered. In the end he asked me if I wanted to do something. I wasn't sure what I had in mind but it seemed Denny already had a plan up his sleeve.

Before I knew where I was, I was sitting on the back of a huge, powerful white horse. Mathias sat behind me, arms around me and hands gripping onto the reins as the horse galloped, its hooves thundering across the field and through the forests. I couldn't believe I managed to stay on even though I was gripping tightly onto the stallion's mane. Perhaps Denny made a spell so I couldn't fall off.

"C'mon!" He snapped at the stallion, getting it to gallop faster and faster, constantly kicking his legs against the horses' sides. I was too much in a fascinated state to be scared. I trusted Mathias.

We galloped out into the open field again, the sky turning that gorgeous orangey colour again. My eyes scanned around whilst Denny had the controls of the horse. A herd of deer were prancing alongside us as we galloped. I giggled as we rushed by, the wind blowing my hair into my face annoyingly. The deer were beautiful. I had never seen so many deer run before. I've never even been on a horse. This was just such an over remarkable moment. It felt like the most magical thing Denny had performed for me so far.

"You alright there, Emma?" Den called over the sounds of all of the galloping hooves.

"Yeah!" I called in return, grinning like a maniac. I wished I could have control of riding the horse but for now I was too busy enjoying the sight of the deer's and everything rushing by. The park didn't seem like the park anymore. It seemed like some sort of wild place.

Mathias soon brought the glowing white stallion slower, pulling on the reins and getting it to slow, trotting it through the forest. It was very bouncy. It reminded me of jumping between mine and Jan's bed back at the orphanage.

At last we came to a stop and Mathias was out of breath. He swung his leg over and dismounted, lifting me up from the creature and placing me down on the ground. I felt so short after sitting up on that horse.

"That was amazing!" I squealed. "I want to go again!"

Mathias chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry Emma…" He knelt down and planted a kiss on my forehead. I pouted. "It's time for you to head back now…"

I sighed and lowered my head. "Okay… but next time?"

"Definatly."

"Promise?" I smirked, holding up my little finger.

Mathias raised an eyebrow, looking as if he had no idea what I was doing until he curled his pinkie around mine. "Promise. Now get going," he whispered, nudging me.

When I returned back to the real world everything was the same. The butterflies and roses had vanished again from the hedge and I was standing there in the middle of the towering trees looking lost until Emilie and Liz had arrived, having caught up to me. At first I was surprised, because I had been gone in my world for ages. I wondered if it was like a Narnia thing, when the time in my world never affected this world. Mommy used to read me that story of when Lucy entered the wardrobe and came out the other end into a magical land. It reminded me of my own story.

Did my world even have time, I wondered?


	7. Chapter 7

(Warning: chapter contains sexual content towards the end)

* * *

><p>I never said a word to anyone about 'my world' ever since. I figured that Denny didn't want me to let anyone else know. Even if it was okay, why should I tell anyone? It was my world, not Liz's, not Jan's, not Antonio's, not anyone's. It was mine.<p>

I asked Crystal if I could be taken to the park more and more. Luckily she and Ms Gabatino agreed to take some of us to the park once a week. Every Sunday afternoon to be exact that's if it wasn't raining or cold.

Time passed by. Each and every Sunday we'd be taken to the park and I'd run back through the forest without telling anyone why. I'd meet Denny again who was now always wearing those clothes I imagined him in. He looked better in those after all. He'd show me something new each time. One Sunday he let me ride the white stallion by myself. Another time he let me walk on water again. Another Sunday he taught me how to climb trees.

Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. I never stopped seeing Denny. I'd accidently call him daddy at a couple of points until he corrected me. But I was starting to see him as something else than a daddy.

By the time I reached 9 years old Ms Gabatino let me go to the park by myself as long as I brought a friend with me which normally was Elizabeta. But if so I'd bring Liz and another girl with me to distract Liz so I could go off into my world by myself.

For all those four years, nobody ever found out. I never told anyone and I didn't plan to.

The last time I ever saw Mathias was the day before my 10th birthday. I was being dragged away by Ms Gabatino to concentrate more in my classes instead of fantasizing. Everyone knew I was such a dreamer and some thought I was crazy. I didn't care.

_July, 1998._ I was 16 years old.

Time continued to move along. I matured and so did everyone else. Jan had grown so tall. He was now 21 years old. I was 16. Some of us were planning on what colleges we wanted to go study in. Some were looking for jobs. Ms Gabatino had organized professional teachers to come in and teach us in our classes now that we were older. Some of us like Arthur, Alfred and Matthew had left the orphanage. I was going to miss them, even if we never really spoke.

Jan had his own job; unfortunately he had taken up smoking ever since he had turned 13. Luckily I didn't take up the habit but some of the other boys did to their own misfortune.

Jan never treated me much like a sister anymore. He grew so cold and vicious. The day mother died must have really affected him. I was told once that sometimes something can affect someone more than others. I think this case came for Jan.

Oh, and not to mention Jan started to do this funky thing with his hair now where he'd just put tons of hair gel in to spike it up. It looked weird at first but we all got use to it.

It was a summer's morning in the middle of July. I sat on my bed wearing my favourite hello kitty t-shirt and my crimson skirt. I had the bedroom window wide open to let in some air, since it was boiling today. I had my hair tied up in a little ponytail so it wouldn't heat up my neck. I layed on my bed, reading a book I had borrowed from our library. I and Jan had our own rooms now that we were older. I felt so much better especially now that I was older I wanted the privacy.

I sighed to myself, blowing a strand of hair out of my face from my bangs and dropped my arm and the book I was reading. It was too hot to do anything today. I just wanted to nap all day, but I knew that Ms Gabatino was going to force me to get some work done around the building sooner or later. Now that we were all older we weren't expected to be waited on hand and foot. Things became much stricter.

A knock came to my door and I sat up, adjusting my bra strap underneath my shirt and shifted on the bed. "Come in."

Antonio peered his head in, a flashy grin appearing to his lips once he spotted me. "Hey~" His voice was a lot deeper now and he too had grown. He was 18 and looked a lot more masculine than he did eleven years ago, obviously. He was growing closer to me, but we were just friends. The other's thought there was something going on between us even if we said there wasn't.

"Hey Toni" I beamed, holding onto my crossed-legs as my Spaniard friend came to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Some of us are going to the park to play some football. We haven't been there in a while. You wanna join us? You're a good goalie."

The first thing which popped into my head as soon as he mentioned 'park' was Mathias. I grinned at his compliment forcefully and shook my head.

"No I'm not good, Toni…But sure, I'll tag along." Liz and I were normally hanging around with the boys nowadays. Liz was still the bossy one though.

"Gracias!" He chirped, shifting himself on my bed. It made me feel a little nervous when he got so close and we were together in a room on our own and things suddenly became quiet; like they did now.

I smiled, pressing my lips shyly together and lowered my head a little, brushing a strand of blonde hair back behind my ear.

"…Emma?" Antonio whispered. I kept my eyes down and didn't reply, feeling my heart starting to thump faster and faster within my chest. I could hear the sounds of the bed making a squeaking noise when Toni had shifted closer to me. I was starting to tremble but I felt frozen.

"Em?" He breathed my name again, leaning closer to me. I barely lifted my head and I could already feel his warm breath breathing against my lips.

Antonio shut his eyes and so did I.

His lip contact was literally centimetres away from mine, until my clumsiness knocked my book off of the bed and we both flinched, Antonio sitting back away from me immediately. Even with his tanned skin I could tell he was blushing.

"Shit…" He sighed, brushing my hand back through my hair and stroking my little ponytail.

"I'm so sorry, Emma…" Toni muttered, looking away from me.

"No, Toni it's fine! Just…" I bit my lip, leaning down and trying to pick up the book whilst looking at him, which was quite difficult when your mind and your heart were all over the place. "Just…please, give me a bit of time before…y'know... anything happens between us…"

"I understand," Toni smiled and stood up.

I groaned and leant over my bed, almost hanging upside down as I grabbed my book. Just then something from under the bed caught my eye. Something I had abandoned for years.

"I guess I'll see you later…" Toni's voice sounded in the background.

I reached underneath my bed, pulling out an old dusty stuffed bunny from underneath the bed, sitting myself comfortably again on the sheets and staring at the toy, my face falling along with my heart.

"…Uh, Emma?" Antonio became a little concerned as he watched me.

"It's George…" I whispered, stroking my nails gently through the toy bunny's fake white fur.

"I'll meet you downstairs later, Em," Toni sighed and already left my room.

I flinched and whipped my head up, about to say something to my friend but he was already gone. Great - There was going to be total awkwardness between us now after that little thing.

I bit my lip and flickered my emerald eyes back down to George, feeling my eyes sting. Why did I suddenly want to cry?

"Oh God…" I sniffed, brushing my arm across my eyes. "I haven't seen you in years Denny…I'm so sorry I've made you wait…" I quivered quietly to myself. Another sniff and I placed George on my pillows carefully before shoving on a pair of my black converse shoes and leaving my bedroom. I wasn't planning to go play football with Toni.

I wanted to see Denny again.

I wanted to see if my childhood was real.

Everything in real life had just caught up with me. I couldn't believe I hadn't gone to see Denny for all these seven years.

I scurried downstairs and there Antonio was with Lovino, Feliciano, Gilbert, Ludwig, Francis and Toris. Woah wait, Toris?

I knew Antonio was staring at me, feeling bad for what he did, well, tried to do but I ignored him completely, stepping up to the Lithuanian boy.

"Hey Toris you joining us in football today?" I asked him with a smile, untying the red ribbon in my hair so I could re-tie the ponytail. I was surprised he was coming. He normally didn't hang out with us.

He nodded and gave a crocked smile to me. It was quite sweet. I'm glad I got to know him more during my teenage years.

"Ah, yes of course. I mean, actually, I've been feeling a bit rough lately and Crystal s-suggested that I go out and get some sunshine," he replied.

"Get some sunshine?" I chuckled and shook my head, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Well it's a hot day. Just don't tire yourself out too much, kay? Oh and you're now on my team. Hey guys I call Toris!" I beamed, holding my hand straight up in the air as I shoved passed the boys and out the front door. I had become much more confident with the boys over the years.

They laughed and we all set out down the street and made our way to the park. I felt a little sick on the way. I was nervous to see Mathias again and awkward between me and Antonio who carried the football under his arm. I walked behind them, watching him talk to Gilbert who was constantly rolling up in laughter. I swore to myself, if Toni dared told Gil about what he did, I'd kill him.

We soon reached the park; at fucking last. I wasn't sure if I could bare Gilbert's laughter for much longer. Antonio twisted around to face us all, his eyes constantly looking over to me, the football held in his hands. "Okay guys. We split up again like last time. Gil, Francis, Lovi, you're on my team; the rest of you with Emma."

I licked my dry lips and rolled my eyes. Toni always liked to be the boss of the gang. A little butterfly suddenly fluttered in front of me and I flinched blinking rapidly. The insect fluttered away from me and towards the direction of the forest of trees.

I pulled my hand up, "Hey Toni I need to quickly go to the toilets I won't be long," I said, smiling at him.

Antonio looked a bit worried by my smile but nodded. "Si, Emma, we'll just practice until you get back." Toni signalled for the boys to head on out to the AstroTurf which had recently been built in the park.

I on the other hand jogged off in the direction of the forest of trees, my ponytail swishing from side to side as I ran. I hopped over each tree root with ease. I couldn't help but smile to myself, because I remembered being a little girl and hopping over these things, finding it quite difficult at the time.

I prayed to God that the hedge was still there and nothing happened to it. It had been a long seven years Denny. Don't worry, I'm returning again, dear.

Either I had really been away for so long or this place seemed to have more trees grown than I remembered. Biting my lip I glanced up at the branches. They didn't seem so high than from the last time I remember. Maybe it was because I've grown so much since then.

I peeked around the corner of one familiar large tree. I felt my eyes sting again.

The hedge was still there and so were the roses and the butterflies. It was just as beautiful as it was seven years ago. Sucking up a breath I stepped closer to the hedge, looking for that hole which I use to climb through to get to the world Denny was in.

When I did find it I frowned. It was small. Either the plants over grew it or I had grown - Probably both.

With a sigh I knelt down, yanking off some of the twigs and lose bits of plant covering the hole, almost desperately. I started to get frustrated and just growled, forcing myself inside the hole, feeling the twigs scratch against my back, causing me to winch but I ignored it. Dammit I wished I was little again.

When I crawled out of the other side I collapsed onto my front and grumbled, eventually pulling myself up onto my knees and pulled myself up to my feet, glancing around and walking on like I normally did when I was a little girl and visiting this place.

I felt nervous for some reason. I had never seen Mathias be anything but happy. I was afraid I'd see him mad at me for not seeing him for so long.

I reached the centre of the field, curling my arms around myself as I twisted around in slow circles, cautiously looking around for Denny, or anything which could be Denny.

I bit my lip, imagining what it'd be like if I lost Mathias. If Den was gone forever because he was mad at me or something. The sky started to darken and I could hear the sounds of muffled thunder crashing in the distance. I wiped my hand over my eyes and started to shiver, not even realising I was crying again. Well, almost crying. I wanted to cry. Damn hormones. I just wanted to see Denny's face again.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered, pushing a tear back up my face, just as I felt a drop from the sky hit the top of my head. "Please show yourself, Denny…"

Where was he?

I suddenly felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and I screamed, twisting around. The sky had cleared and I groaned, rolling my eyes and lowering my head with annoyance.

Den stood there in front of me, bursting out into fits of laughter. I cut him off by stepping up to him and glaring straight into his eyes. "Do you have to freakin' do that to me every time I come into this stupid place? What's wrong with you?" I snapped. The smile never left Mathias' lips.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry…wow, you've grown, huh? Not so little anymore are ya? A lot more stubborn too I see," He said, placing a hand on my forehead.

I sighed and shoved his hand away, shutting my eyes and shaking my head furiously.

Alright that was it. I couldn't play stubborn for long. I flinched forward and wrapped my arms around Mathias, burying my face into his chest, my face being pressed up against that bright red tie I had first seen eleven years ago.

"I'm so sorry you've had to wait for me for so long…" my voice muffled into his shirt. "Real life has made me busy and I've just drifted away from here…I was convinced at one point that this wasn't all real and I was just insane but I couldn't… I knew you were real…" I said, raising my head to look up at Denny, my eyes starting to water because I felt so bad.

Mathias on the other hand seemed confused and concerned, gently stroking his large gloved hand ontop of my head comfortingly. "Hey hey it's alright. Remember I told you it doesn't matter how long, I'd always be here?" He smiled. "I'd never grow old either…"

I bit my lip and quietly chuckled, already starting to feel a little better. "…I remember….say, how old are you anyway, Den?"

"Me? Hmm… Let's keep that a secret."

"No really!" I giggled, not realising the sky brightening up again just as my moods did.

"…. 27"

I raised an eyebrow. "So… you're 27 forever?" I asked.

Mathias nodded. "You got the picture."

"Pt, I see. Wow..." I hugged him again, resting my head against his chest again. He had this scent, this really calming scent on him. "I promise I'll try to come here more often," I said inaudibly.

Mathias stood still. I could barely feel his heartbeat, unless I was mistaking it for my own.

We remained there for a long quiet moment before Mathias pulled me back, giving a smile. "Hey, I've always wanted to tell you this, but I was worried you wouldn't understand as a kid."

"I'm 16 now," I said proudly.

"Ja, ja. Well… you remember the deer? And the way they prance around? Have you notice they always gallop together in a sort of rhythmic beat?"

"…hm…. No not really to be honest… why?"

"Well, those deer…they represent your heartbeat," he told me.

My eyes widened a fraction and I felt my cheeks warm up when he placed his hand on my chest where my heart was. I would have slapped him if I thought he was being a pervert but I knew he wasn't like that.

"…I…" I could barely speak right now. I flickered my eyes up to Mathias' blue oceans, almost becoming mesmerized. Why hadn't I noticed how gorgeous his eyes were when I was little?

I hesitantly reached a hand up, my touch coming in contact with the side of his face. I had never touched him before in this way. I never even realised it. He remained as still as a statue for me as I gently brushed my thumb across his cheek, a barely faint smile appearing to my lips. I swallowed when I thought about how awkward I was probably making him feel and that only made me think of Antonio for some reason. I yanked my hand back and turned away, my head lowering with pain.

"…Emma?" Mathias frowned, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning me around again. He placed his fingers underneath my chin, the tip of his thumb pressing against my lips. I stared wide eyed up at him and blushed.

"…Antonio nearly kissed me…" I whispered admitingly, my eyes half closing with guilt.

"I know," Mathias muttered in reply, his eyelids also becoming heavy.

"…" I placed a delicate hand on his chest, not wanting to go into a conversation about this. "I don't want to talk about anything that happens there…"

"Then we won't."

I remained quiet for a minute.

"You don't know how you feel about him, do you?" Mathias said as if he could read my emotions clearly like a book.

I shook my head. "He's my friend… I even see him as a brother sometimes. I see all of them as my family, nothing else."

"hm…" Mathias was quiet for once. It made me wonder what on earth was going on in his head. Probably chaos, I wondered if he was mightily depressed when I was gone.

"But Antonio has always been there for me… He's cuddled me during my depressions and protected me when my brother Jan tried to hurt me."

I felt Mathias stiffen. I imagined him to probably go beat Jan up if he were in the real world right now. "I see…"

I rested my head against his chest again and closed my eyes, affectionately nuzzling my face against him. "Denny…"

"Ja?"

"…I …I love you."

"…." Mathias was quiet again and so was everything else. I opened my eyes barely, thinking I had gone deaf for a minute. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. I raised my head again and looked up at Denny hopefully. He had a look on his face that looked tired. I had never seen that on him before. It caused my heart to snap.

"I think you should go back now…" he whispered, gently placing a hand to the side of my face and stroking his thumb across my smooth skin, just as I did to him before. I grabbed the front of his sleeveless jacket gently, desperation sparkling in my eyes. "Non! Not yet, we haven't spent time together! I want to see the deer again and the lake and—"

Mathias cut me off by clearing his throat. He took my hand and started to walk on with me. I felt a little stupid right now. What the hell was going on with me?

"I-I'm sorry if I did something wrong, Den…" I whimpered. "It's wrong of me to say that…" I said quietly as he led me towards the forest of trees again. "But I…I-I just really don't know what to think anym—"

I froze and everything was quiet again. For a second I thought I felt a bullet had just fired into my stomach.

Mathias had stopped us and twisted around, cutting off my words by pressing his lips gently to mine. I felt like my soul was being sucked right out of me, despite the kiss being so gentle. I felt like I was going to faint. Those seconds felt like forever before my eyes fluttered closed, a heavy sigh exhaling out of my nose. I barely opened my mouth and pressed my lips back up to his. Den had his hand pressed to the arch of my back to support me whist I pushed myself up onto my tip toes so I could reach him.

He suddenly pulled back from our kiss and pushed me in front of him roughly, nudging me towards the hedge.

No.

Wait, not yet!

I blinked rapidly and twisted around, "Denny I-!"

He had already disappeared.

Just like that, I was left alone. I had no choice but to return back to the real world and come back another day.

When I did return I leant against one of the trees, trying to calm myself down from this panic attack that had suddenly came over me. It was only mild and it was only due to stress. In the end I just buried my face in my arms, leaning against the tree and sobbed to myself.

Did Den love or hate me?

Denny…do you love me too?

I don't understand, Den.

Mathias, please…

After cleaning my face with my own hands I headed back to the boys to proceed our game of football. I felt a little better once we got started since it took my mind off of things and whatnot. I even felt better around Toni to. But the worst thing was that Mathias was my new problem. All I wanted to do was see him again.

Later that afternoon I told the boys I wasn't feeling well and with persuasion of calming Toni down and telling him that I'd be alright I journeyed home by myself, wandering down the street alone and thinking to myself as I watched my converse covered feet step along the concrete ground.

Mathias… why must you do this to me? Why wasn't I smart or strong enough to figure out a way where we could all be happy?

I wanted to see Den again. I wanted to kiss him again, feel his arms around me. I wanted to know more about him. I wondered what his body was like, what it'd be like to touch his body. I never desired this ever in my life but it was desperately nagging at my mind. I just wanted to remove those old man clothes he'd constantly wear. Gosh, why did I have these thoughts?

I just…

I think I am in love with Den.

Once I arrived inside the Yerres building I headed straight up to my room, shutting it behind me and pressing my back against the door, sighing heavily as I pressed my fingers to my aching temples.

Everything was quiet again. The only sounds to be heard was the other teenage orphans downstairs chattering, and the sound of Ms Gabatino's voice and the sound of cars passing by outside.

I flopped onto my bed, pulling the ribbon out of my hair and feeling much more comfortable now for some reason. I kicked my shoes off and rolled over onto my back, staring up at the pale white ceiling like I had done many times before.

I could feel something uncomfortably pressed against my head and reached behind me, grabbing my bunny George and held him up. "…Denny…" I whispered and suddenly narrowed my eyes, throwing the rabbit across the room with a huff.

Within seconds I relaxed again, concentrating on the sound of my heartbeat. My eyes remained still and staring, my golden hair sprawled out on the pillow behind me. I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry and having a horrible taste in my mouth from not having much water in the past couple of hours.

Fucking hell. He wouldn't get out of my head, dammit.

My feet shifted a little as I rested my hand on my stomach. I paused. My hand gradually slid down my body, passed the material of my skirt and stopped when I felt the bare skin of my thigh. My heart was thumping again, harder and faster. I closed my eyes.

All I could feel were his imaginary fingertips pressed against my lips again and automatically my hand slipped up my skirt. I pretended that it was his hand sliding up my skirt. My other hand stroked across my stomach; his other imaginary hand.

I pretended that his hand reached up my skirt and his fingertips pressed between my legs. My toes curled a little at the imagination. Why was I imagining him doing things to me?

I ignored my other half's arguments and gently massaged my right hand's fingertips against my panties, my legs barely trembling. My eyes remained closed the whole time.

My left hand slipped up my shirt, resting on my bare stomach. The fingers belonging to my other hand pulled my panties to the side. I stroked my forefinger downwards and pressed it against my clitoris, gently massaging my skin again and again.

"nhn…"

I hissed and pushed another finger to rub against my clit as my other hand slipped up to cup my clothed breast. What was I doing? I had to stop being insane but… it felt good when I imagined him.

"nngh…D…Den…" I moaned quietly, gently slipping a middle finger inside of my vagina, curling my toes tightly.

I rolled over onto my front on my bed, my body pressed down on my hand, my finger remaining inside of me, which started to push itself in and out of me. "n-nnh….oui…"

I started to pant and started to gently grind my hips against my hand. It felt so good. It made my heart do those fluttery flips again. I moaned quietly again and started to slowly hump my hand rhythmically. "a-ah D-…" I stopped myself from saying his name and felt my cheeks heat up. I continued to grind my hips against my hand, adding a second, then a third finger inside of myself, humping harder and faster against my hand. "f-fuck…" I moaned more and more. I started to feel this amazing thing inside of me build up more and more as I continued to hump, burying my face into the pillow and moaning into it, moaning his name one last time.

I tensed up and held my breathed, arching my back and pushed my fingers in as far as they'd go in my vagina, my muscles tightening, my heart beating loudly in my ears.

The feeling went away and relaxed. I pulled my fingers out of myself, letting my arm dangle over the edge of the bed.

I suddenly felt so pathetic.

All of that good feeling had rapidly faded away after my own climax.

I just imagined that I was making love with him. Is that really wrong of me?


	8. Chapter 8

After pulling a pair of my favourite pyjamas, which were printed with dozens of kitten heads on the pants, (yes, I guess you could say I was still such a child when it came to things like that), I wandered downstairs that evening into the dining hall, looking sleepy as ever. I still felt so embarrassed for the pleasure I gave myself earlier even though nobody knew about it. I was thankful they didn't know about anything and about Denny either. But for some reason, each time I looked at Antonio, I felt like I wanted to show how much I trusted him by telling him everything about my world.

Most of the teenage orphans were already sat down at the table, including Antonio. I plumped myself down on the opposite side of the table from him, looking like I just woke up from a crazy sort of dream; my hair was a complete mess, even though I had retied it back into a ponytail, bits of my golden hair stuck out all over the place.

We all already had our plates of dinner in front of us, some already tucking in and some too busy chatting than eating. I on the other hand just pushed the little sprouts and bits of food around my plate with the fork, sighing a little to myself. I didn't even notice but Antonio seemed to have notice I had something on my mind.

"Emma? You okay?" He asked underneath the noise everyone else's chattering.

"Hm?" I lifted my head and forced a smile. "I'm fine, Toni. Sorry, I just feel dead tired since this afternoon."

"Oh, well make sure you get an early night tonight, kay?" Toni's smile was warm and comforting when they'd appear on those lips of his. I could never bring myself to kiss those lips. I wasn't in love with Antonio like I was with Mathias and for some reason I felt so awful about it.

After a little while I only started to notice that I had barely seen my brother Jan all week. Sitting up I glanced around, trying to spot his tulip hair. I figured that he had probably gone out for something to eat instead of eating indoors. Ms Gabatino trusted us now that we were older to do our own things as long as we were careful.

And as if by coincidence, I spotted Jan walk passed the dining hall that very moment. Either it was because I was sitting close to the door but I could smell and awful waft of smoke coming from Jan when he walked passed. I decided to leave my food, get up and go and see if he was okay.

"Jan!" I called for him, stopping in my tracks in the hallway and watching the tall man stop in his own tracks and slowly turn his head to look back at me, a dark look in his eyes which caused my heart to drop with fear.

"What do you want?" his voice grunted. He kept sniffing, as if he'd been crying but Jan never ever cried nowadays. Maybe he had a cold or something.

"Um…well, you didn't come to dinner...I've barely seen you all week Jan. Is everything okay?" I asked, taking a few brave steps closer to my brother.

Jan backed off a little, grunting again. "Why do you care? I've been at work."

"Jan..." I sighed, feeling like I was dealing with a child. "I've still seen you even when you've had work but lately I don't see you until gone ten at night. What's up?"

"God, will you just leave me alone?" He suddenly snapped, enough to cause me to jump in shock.

"I'm only trying to help, jerk!" I snapped back.

"I don't need your fucking help! You're not even my sister!"

I felt like another bullet fired into my heart. "I am your sister!" I screamed, not even realising some of the other orphans were watching us. "You're such a bastard, why do you always hide things from me? What's wrong with you? You've become so damn rude ever since you took up smoking years ago!"

Jan suddenly stepped forward and grabbed the front of my pyjama shirt. I narrowed my eyes and stood my ground despite my heart thumping dangerously in my chest. I think Jan wanted to hit me.

"…Jan, don't you dare hurt her," Antonio's voice sounded from the background.

"You stay out of this, faggot."

I winced and Jan let go of me, glaring at the others but gladly didn't say anything else as he turned away and bolted up the stairs.

I remained where I was, hearing Ms Gabatino rush into the hall and fussing over us, asking us what was going on. Way to come on time to a situation, Gabatino.

As more days travelled by, my mind was set on something else rather than Denny. I wanted to find out what was up with Jan and why he was acting like an arse. He was my brother after all and I cared about him despite how much he used to bully me.

* * *

><p><em>31st December, 1999. I was 17 years old.<em>

It had been a whole year since I'd seen Mathias. The weather was dreadful in Paris which meant no park. When it was sunny it was freezing though, and when it was nice weather I was busy doing something else, or going out on a trip with the orphans.

I was missing him. Luckily I managed to cope the whole time by keeping myself busy with my paintings, story writing and trying to get Jan to talk to his little sister but he never did. I was also having a hard time trying to get Toni to lay off of me. Matchmakers Elizaveta and Emilie weren't helping either.

Not to mention I was busy sorting out college applications. Yep, it was that time when most of us would be going to college. We were all required by Ms Gabatino to attend the same college. Antonio and some of the boys were already in college. I had only just started this year.

However I had managed to persuade Ms Gabatino to take us out to the park to see the fireworks for New Years.

We all sat out on the field in our little groups, drinking alcohol I had never even heard of. I wasn't planning to get drunk but I did have a bottle of beer for myself. Okay I'll admit it, I did drink. So what? I wasn't a drunk.

I cuddled my arms around myself. I wore my thick beige coat this evening since it was still the middle of winter.

I sat in the grass with Liz, Emilie, Katya (Katrina) and Natalia who surprisingly wasn't clinging onto her brother Ivan anymore.

Liz was once again the yapper of the group, telling us that she met a new boyfriend even though Emilie kept questioning because we all thought she was going out with Gilbert - Apparently not.

My eyes were constantly gazing out to the forest of trees. I couldn't stop picking my chapped lips. I wanted to go see Denny but it was dark and someone would most likely be forced to come with me which I didn't want. I didn't want to miss the fireworks either. We were about to celebrate a new year of 2000.

"Emma?"

I flinched, almost spilling my beer and looking over at Liz. I seemed to have been day dreaming again. The girls started to laugh at me and I frowned.

"What is it?"

"Jeez Emma, snap out of your daydreams would ya?" Liz chuckled, shaking her head at me.

"Well, it's not daytime anymore. Would it be a night dream?" Katya asked with a giggle.

I just rolled my eyes; about to speak until I heard the rest of the orphans scream a count down.

"Oh my God the-"

Liz and the girls interrupted me by joining in the countdown.

**10. 9. 8.**

Denny…

**7. 6. 5.**

I'm sorry, dear…

**4. 3. 2.**

I wish you could see this…

**1…**

Fireworks suddenly burst into the sky. Dozens of explosions of millions of different colours all crashing into the night sky. Liz started giggling like crazy, screaming Happy New Year to everyone whilst stumbling around to give everyone a hug. I could tell she was wasted.

We were all stood up, hugging everyone and giving them our Happy New Year wishes. I pretended to have the spirit but my stupid heart was dragging me towards the forest of trees. I did enjoy the fireworks though. They were stunning. I wished I could have seen the fireworks in the city of Paris though, I bet they were beautiful.

I wished Denny was here too. I noticed everyone seemed to have been busy giving everyone hugs. I took this as an opportunity to make a run for it. Luckily it was dark but the flashing lights of the fireworks were like police helicopter spotlights. I ignored them as I bolted across the field. For a second it felt like a war zone but before I knew it I hid behind a tree, panting heavily and trying to catch my breath.

Thank God.

At last, I'm coming Denny, don't worry.

When I caught my breath I walked on, trying to find the hedge. I could still hear the fireworks exploding in the background. If they went on for a little longer, maybe Denny would get the chance to see them.

I finally found the hedge. It had no butterflies fluttering around it this time though but the roses seemed to have looked like somebody had sprinkled silver glitter onto them. I smiled faintly to myself before kneeling down to the hole, glad I was wearing jeans tonight and started to climb through. Man I was getting big for doing this. Then again I was wearing a thick coat.

When I finally reached the other side I pulled myself up to my feet, shaking my hair out and glanced around. It seemed to be night time here too, but it wasn't cold like before.

The fireworks were still exploding in the sky. As I wandered through the trees again, my eyes constantly gazed mesmerised up at the colourful sky, my lips curling up into a smile.

The fireworks continued to bang and crash into the sky in all sorts of circles and whizzes and explosions of colour, the lights reflecting from my eyes as I wandered out into the empty field where a couple of the stags were grazing. I only just noticed them when I stopped in the centre of the field, glancing around for him.

"…Denny I hope you're here," I muttered, smiling quietly to myself. If someone saw me they probably thought I was crazy talking to myself. "I'm sorry it's been a long time yet again. I arranged to see the fireworks at the park especially so I could see you."

I breathed in the scent of the night air, closing my eyes for a moment before heavily exhaling. "Happy New Year, Mathias…"

My head whipped up to the sky and my eyes widened in astonishment. The fireworks had configured itself into a shape of a Pegasus. I blinked rapidly and suddenly laughed with joy.

Denny…

I guessed Mathias put this show on for me like he did every time I visited here. I bit my smile, knowing what was coming next. I twisted around and pretended to roar at Denny who was standing behind me. He rolled up in fits of giggles and I immediately wrapped my arms around his waist, nuzzling my face to his chest. He was still wearing that old get up.

"I'm glad you like the fireworks, Em," his voice smoothly floated into my ears.

"I'm glad you're with me…" I whispered in reply and turned my head to look up at him, giving him a smile. "I imagined that you would watch the fireworks with me…"

"And here we are," Den finished my sentence. I grinned and giggled.

"I'm sorry I've been gone a long time… I've been busy sorting out college and work and –"

His fingertips pressed to my lips again. "I know," he smiled, eyes fixed down on mine. It was weird, but I could have sworn as I stared into his ocean blue eyes they were sparkling and glittering like the fireworks were. It also reminded me of the glittery roses on the hedge.

"…Denny, I love you," I kept my eyes to his contact and slipped my hands down his arms, taking his own gloved hands in my own hands. "You're always showing my world. These amazing things which I never see in real life; for all these years I've never really understood how it's possible. But…" I tugged on his hands a little. "I want to show you to the real world."

As soon as I said that, Mathias' face paled. I frowned. It was a big thing for me to ask him and I had no idea what would happen. I did always wonder though what Mathias would do if I took him into the real world.

What would happen?

Mathias pulled me in closer, curling his arm around me and arched his back to lean in closer to me. "Just enjoy the fireworks," he whispered. Before I got the chance to speak, Den pressed his lips gently to mine. The fireworks continued to fill up the sky, the echoes of their crashes thundering through the field of my world as we kissed. Den tilted his head into the kiss as did I to deepen it, my hand stroking up the back of his shoulders, almost in a clingy way.

I could feel my heart flipping inside of my chest yet again. It had been a long time since we kissed, and I have never kissed anyone, or been kissed in this way before. It felt so passionate.

And the best part; we were alone.

I slid my hand up to tickle the hairs on the back of his neck, threading my fingers through his messy blond hair, a quiet sigh breathing into his mouth from me.

Whilst we kissed, and I didn't even realise it, I could have sworn the grass was glowing around the area we stood in. Perhaps the energy of my love for Mathias reflected with this energy. I don't know. I never asked Mathis any scientific stuff but I had always had dreams of this place. I used to believe Mathias gave me those dreams; gave me all those inspirations to draw or write my own stories. I was already halfway through writing my third novel.

Our kiss lasted for a few passionate moments but for me it felt like a lifetime. It was beautiful. Mathias gently finished the kiss, keeping hold of my chin so that I'd look up at him. We both smiled at each other as if we just literally couldn't take our eyes off of each other. I always wondered if Mathias was even human. I wondered if he was real. But deep down I knew he was real.

I believed in him.

I ended up giggling at our silence. It was like a staring contest game, similar to what Liz and I used to play when we were little.

I slipped my hand down Den's arm, glancing down at the fingerless glove he had been wearing for the twelve years I've known him. I always wondered why he always wore them. Then again I always wondered why he wore the same thing until I remembered that I imagined him to wear it when I was younger.

I took a section of his fingerless glove, about to pull it off so I could see his hands but all of a sudden Mathias grabbed my wrist to stop me. I gasped, staring up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

The fireworks fell from the sky, as if they had melted just like my heart did just now. It looked like it was raining glitter.

"..…"

Mathias let go of me and smiled again as if he had suddenly been switched from serious back into playful. "You should go back and enjoy the real fireworks," he told me, giving me a reassuring smile. "You can come back here whenever you want. You know that."

I returned the smile hesitantly, suspecting that Mathias was keeping a secret from me. Oh well, we all had secrets. Sometimes it's better to not know these things. "I know…"

Mathias then placed his large gloved hand on the side of my face again. I gently pressed my head against his warm, soft hand, breathing in the material of the glove before flickering my eyes back up to his.

"I love you, Mathias…You love me too, right?"

"I love you more than anything in this universe…" He said in that beautiful gentle tone.

My still moist lips curled up into a wider smile. "Mathias…one day will you make lo-"

Wait – what was I doing? It was the middle of the night and only the first minute of the twenty-first century, I couldn't just suddenly ask him something which could scare him off.

"hm?" Mathias hummed, waiting for me to finish what I was going to ask.

I hid my mistake with a chuckle and shook my head. "…It's nothing, Denny. Nothing at all, um, well - So…I guess I should be heading back anyway. Don't want anyone to wonder where I've gone," I chuckled sheepishly, quickly leaning up onto my tippy toes, holding onto Mathias' face with both of my hands and planted a passionate, gentle kiss to his lips before suddenly pulling away, slipping passed him and wandering back towards the trees to return home.

* * *

><p>A week had passed since the start of a new century. The weather surprisingly wasn't too bad despite it being all cloudy. At least it wasn't raining or snowing - Yet.<p>

I was sitting in my room one afternoon on my bed, a big pad of paper in my lap as I scribbled down doodles and sketches of Mathias and stags I've seen in my world. I had become quite an artist during my years of living at Yerres Orphanage. Feliciano, one of the Italian twins had given me some lessons on trying to capture stunning images by just sketching them. I was still working on it.

"Emma?" Antonio's voice suddenly arrived unexpectedly from the doorway.

I gasped and slammed my sketchbook shut, "Toni? What do you want? I mean… heh, it's nice to see you…"

Antonio chuckled, sitting down on the edge of my bed beside me. "I just came to see how you were doing. We haven't spoken much for a while, Em."

"I'm sorry…" I frowned, somehow feeling it was my fault. I froze then when I felt Toni's hand place over mine, which was gripping onto the sketchbook in my lap. His hand was so warm.

"Hey, don't be sorry… We've all been pretty busy with college and stuff. I just recently got a job at the local café too anyway."

"Ah yeah, you told me," I smiled at him, my eyes flickering up to his.

Antonio gave me a smile, staying quiet for a moment. I normally knew what that meant and I usually had to be the one to change the subject.

"Um…" I glanced down at my sketchbook, my lips twitching a little in thought. "Hey… Toni? I….um…I want to tell you something."

Antonio just smiled, not seeming too suspicious. "Of course."

"...Toni, what I'm about to tell you is extremely secret. You cannot tell anyone abut this, okay? I've been desperate to tell somebody for a long time now, and I think I trust you the most," I admitted, honesty in my eyes.

Antonio nodded, returning a thankful smile. "Gracias, Emma. I promise I won't tell anyone."

I could tell he was becoming more and more suspicious. "It's really crazy but trust me when I say I'm telling the truth."

He smiled and shifted closer, giving me a nod. "I trust you."

I took in a deep breath and exhaled, readying myself to tell him the biggest secret of my life.

"Remember years ago when I first came to the orphanage? Back in 1987 when I was five years old and you were seven? Remember that summer when I was first taken to the big park? Well, on that day I found this hedge…It was such a beautiful hedge because it was covered with, probably hundreds of different coloured roses. Butterflies were everywhere all fluttering around the flowers. It was so beautiful. It didn't seem real. But that's nothing. I found a hole and well… you know what I was like back then; such a curious little mite. I climbed through only to end up in the same park. But the thing is it wasn't the same park… There were deer with huge antlers prancing around. Flowers bloomed wherever I walked. The sky kept turning funny colours: Blue, orange, red. I saw a huge black Pegasus! A Pegasus, Antonio! I met this man called Mathias. He likes to be called Denny and he told me he's a Sorcerer. He can make anything happen. He told me that everything which happens there is 'my word'. It's all part of my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my imaginations."

Antonio just stared at me, dumbfounded.

I continued. "Every time we visited that park, I went to go visit my world. Each time I went there Mathias had something new to show me. He let me walk on water literally, gallop horses across the field. He'd listen to my thoughts and secrets. He was just… amazing and I loved him. He wore these scary clothes though but one day I imagined him to wear something else and he did!" I chuckled and proceeded, shaking my own head in disbelief. "And you wanna know the best part? The best part was that Mathias never grew old. He remained a 27 year old man throughout my life."

Antonio stared at me with wide eyes before finally speaking. "…mi dios, Emma. You sure you didn't have one of your funny dreams again?"

"Non, Toni! You have to believe me! You've read my novel, that's where I get all my stories and characters and ideas from; from my magical secret world where this amazing, beautiful, mysterious man lives!"

I noticed Toni's shoulders drop, the lost look remaining on his face. It didn't suit him. "… are you… in love with this 'beautiful, mysterious' man?"

I kept quiet.

"Are you?" Toni asked me again calmly. I had no choice.

I felt my heart rip. "Non, Toni. He's just a friend to me, that's all," I lied.

Toni sighed and shook his head.

"Do you believe me, Toni?" I asked, almost sounding desperate.

"Ehh… I don't really know what to think to be honest. I mean you never lied, I trust you with anything, Emma. But I guess I don't have to believe it, just as long as this…'Mathias' doesn't take you away from me."

I felt my heart melt at his words. This was torture. And the worst part was I had to put on a smile the whole time. "He won't… Toni you're my best friend in the whole wide world. I love you."

Toni's eyes flickered up to mine in shock.

Oh God; no. I don't love you in that way, Antonio!

He leant closer to me, his lips curling up into a smile, our faces so close once again. I'm glad Antonio had nice breath.

"I…," My Spaniard friend sighed, his hand already placed on the side of my cheek and before I knew it he had pressed his lips to mine. I could feel the desperation within his touch, as if Antonio had been waiting all these years to finally kiss me, and in such a passionate way. I felt awful for thinking this, but I couldn't feel that magic I felt when Mathias had kissed me.

I didn't know what to do. I felt my eyes flutter closed but I felt as stiff as a statue, like someone was forcing me not to do anything in return and just let him kiss me. But I couldn't resist.

I had pressed my own hand to Antonio's cheek, wanting to push him away but instead I only squeezed him closer to me. He tilted his head and so did I, both of us causing the kiss to deepen. It caused my heart to sink.

Unlike the kiss with Mathias this seemed to go by far more quickly. Antonio had already caused me to lie back on the bed. He was leaning over me and I could feel his warm body against mine even if we were both wearing clothes. My mind, my body and my heart were all tugging me in all sorts of directions of debate. It caused me to let out an accidently moan into Antonio's mouth as he threaded his fingers gently through my hair.

What was this going to lead into? What was this, Toni? What does this all mean? Is this love or…?

I heard echoed footsteps approaching my room until they stopped. I could smell that horrid smoky scent.

Jan.

My eyes snapped open and I shoved Antonio away from me, sitting up and covering my long sleeve covered hands over my mouth in shock and embarrassment, my cheeks redder than the tomatoes Antonio always bought for lunch. "Oh God, Jan…"

Antonio looked just as horrified as I did when he glanced at my frozen but furious-looking brother standing in my doorway. "..Jan it's not what it looks like."

"… You fucking _cunt_."

I winced at my brother's harsh words but remained quiet, my heart bouncing too hard inside of my chest right now it made me want to vomit it out.

"You fucking little dirty bastard, what do you think you're doing to my sister?" Jan roared, storming up to us and immediately grabbed the front of Toni's shirt as he spoke, throwing him to the floor roughly like he was nothing. Toni yelped a jumble of words in his Spanish. I was guessing he was trying to apologize in a begging way.

"Don't hurt him!" I cried, sitting up on my knees and barely able to breathe in fret that Jan was actually going to hurt Toni.

Jan ignored me completely and grabbed a fist full of Toni's hair, forcing the younger male to his feet. Toni's screams tortured my heart, causing me to shelter my ears with my palms like a frightened child listening to her parents fight.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Antonio kept repeating, whimpering.

"Just stop it, Jan! Leave him alone he did nothing wrong!" I screamed.

I was too slow and too scared. Jan smashed Antonio's skull against the wall several times and hard enough to leave my friend with a trail of blood oozing down his face and nose.

I was already crying, tears stinging down my face and I was screaming so hard it was shattering my lungs. I forced myself to my feet, my fists clenched to my sides. "What's wrong with you? Just leave him alone you fucking moron!"

Jan only growled and let Antonio collapse to the floor in a lump. I yelped and panicked, thinking Antonio was killed by the way he just lay there but I never realised that he had his eyes open and was suffering to catch some air.

"Burn in hell!" I screamed at my brother, who took a step up to me and slapped his hand across my face, hard enough to cause me to collapse onto the floor, just onto my knees.

Jan glared viciously down at me, eyes swarming with poison and possession.

"Klootzak!" I cussed at him in French, (meaning: "asshole") when things in the room calmed and I had stopped screaming. Instead I was wailing. Wailing so hard I could barely breathe. A bruise mark started to form on my cheek where Jan had struck me.

Liz and Emilie came running into the room just as Jan had stormed out. Liz screamed in horror and ran to my side whilst Emilie went to check on Antonio.

"Oh my dear God, what the hell happened?" Liz panicked, wrapping her arms around my sobbing self. I couldn't stop crying.

Despite how much of a state I was in right now I noticed Emilie flinch.

"Liz we need an ambulance! Antonio's hurt pretty bad and he's bleeding a lot!" She panicked.

"Go get Crystal, Emilie!" Liz told Emilie who nodded and rushed out of the room.

I noticed Antonio struggling to move and even from where I was sitting I could see the blood flowing down his face.

Liz pressed her hand to my head which was rested against her chest, her hand comfortingly stroking through my hair.

"Sshhh…shh….it's okay, sweetheart. Everything's going to be okay," Liz hushed me as I sobbed, despite her voice trembling. I never noticed but her eyes were watering. "It's alright, Emma. We'll go kill that bastard later."

I clung onto Elizaveta like a desperate child, staring at Antonio and praying he was going to turn over to look at me or show some sort of sign that he was awake at least.

I calmed at last, hiccupping my cries now. "N-no, Liz…"

She blinked down at me, stroking her hand through my bangs and I forced myself up to my feet, Liz joining me.

I turned my gaze to Liz, my eyes crawling with darkness nobody had ever seen before. If I were a wolf I'd be snarling. "I'll be the one to kill him. He's not even my brother anymore," I sniffed, still remaining stiff with anger.

I had turned my head to glance out the window only to spot Jan outside of the building, holding a pipe to his lips. I felt sick.

I glanced at Antonio on the floor, noticing his head move as if he were trying to lift it.

"Liz," I stared at her firmly. "Please make sure Toni is alright and looked after." I suddenly stormed out of the room before Liz could stop me. I bolted down the hallways which started to fill with other orphans who had heard the screaming and yelling. Shoving past them all and down the stairs I raced out of the orphanage, screaming like an insane mental patient when I saw Jan.

As soon as I reached the fucker, I slammed my fists repeatedly against him, crying and screaming cuss words again in both Dutch and French. I even tried to claw my nails into his face but his strong hands had gripped tightly onto my wrists.

I was a wild animal desperate to kill. I felt possessed. Words couldn't describe the strong hate I had for my brother right now. I was reckless.

Jan held firmly onto my wrists, forcing me to stand in front of him. I kept kicking like a flailing toddler having a tantrum. Jan slammed his head into mine, head-butting me straight into my forehead to knock me backwards into the grass. I wailed again, covering my hand over my bleeding forehead.

"Why did you do that, you bastard? Why did you hurt Antonio!" I screamed, desperate for real answer.

Jan picked up his pipe again, slipping it back between his lips again as he watched me struggling to find my sanity again.

"Answer me you fucker!" I shrieked. I had barely used such language in my life. I was even afraid of my own self.

"Let Antonio die."

"Go choke on your own dick!" I spat in return.

Jan knelt down beside me and grabbed the front of my sweater, forcing me up to my feet. "I've seen that faggot flirt with one of the Italian boys."

"So? I don't fucking care, Jan! Me and him, we're not even together! You don't just go beating the shit out of my friends!" I cried.

"Not together? Didn't look that way to me by the way he was shoving his cock inside your dirty little snatch."

I wanted to vomit. "How dare you," I growled. "You're fucking mental. What are you taking, Jan? What are you taking to make you make up these stories, huh Jan? You're fucking imagining this bullshit! Me and Toni were only kissing you jerk!"

He let go of me but I managed to steady myself despite how much my head hurt right now and my cheeks stinging painfully from the slap and tears.

Jan glared harshly at me before muttering. "Heroin."

I stared at him in disbelief before finally shaking me head, sarcastically chuckling. "Don't joke around, Jan. What's wrong with you…?"

"It stops the pain," he said simply, his head low and eyes glaring at me as if he were ready to attack me at any moment.

My angered expression relaxed and I shook my head, backing away from him. Sometimes I heard mum talking to someone about Jan having an anger disorder but I never thought much about it. I was so young at the time but now I realised and what with this fucking drug he was taking. No wonder he looked like a walking dead man lately. This drug was poisoning his body and his mind. And God only knew what else this idiot was taking. Even that pipe he was smoking, the hell _was_ he smoking? It smelt awful.

I covered a hand over my mouth and let out a devastated sob. Jan just groaned and turned away from me, going back to smoking whatever he was from that pipe he got from God knows where.

"I hate you!" I screamed and bolted off down the street as fast as I could, ignoring anyone passing by who stopped to watch me run passed.

It was a struggle to sob and run for your life at the same time. I felt I was in a nightmare and although Jan wasn't chasing me I felt like I had to run from something.

There was only one place I could go to get away from all of this …


	9. Chapter 9

(Warning: chapter contains strong sexual content and nudity towards the end)

* * *

><p>I raced through the park, wanting to collapse from fatigue but I refused. The sky was still grey and cloud but it wasn't that cold. Nevertheless when I entered into my world the whole place was pouring with heavy rain. I gasped, scurrying underneath trees to try to get some shelter but it wasn't working. The rain was just pouring so hard and I didn't even realise that I had been sobbing all this time.<p>

Oh God.

What if Mathias knew what happened and was upset? Was it raining because _I_ was upset or _he_ was upset?

Who _was_ Mathias anyway?

If this place was my imagination world then what did Mathias have to do with any of it? Why was I suddenly wondering these things?

I let out a cry, leaning against one of the trees, sliding down to sit in the grass. I had never seen this beautiful place look so … I couldn't even describe the word but let's just say I've never seen it rain here ever before. I curled my arms around myself, holding my knees close to my body and buried my face into my knees, finally starting to calm down despite the rain continuing to fall.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there underneath the trees in the rain but eventually I felt his arms wrap around me and I was pulled against his body, my wet face pressed up against that red tie once again.

I sniffed, gently touching the material of his jacket, not even looking up at his face. "…Den," I whispered, shutting my eyes and burying my face into his chest again.

Mathias said nothing. He just continued to hug me, sat in the grass with me, gently rocking me as I cried into his jacket, clinging onto him desperately.

I started to sob more and more again when I tried to get words out.

"I-I don't know what happened, Denny… One minute A-Antonio is… h-he's kissing me a-and then … Oh God…J-Jan hurt him I don't even know if Toni is okay but I-I just hate my brother s-so fucking much…" I let out a painful cry, clinging onto Den like an insane mental patient screaming for help.

Mathias kept holding onto me, his eyes looking dead as well as his expression.

I continued to cry, "J-Jan's on drugs… I don't even know which ones. H-He said heroin… But I think he's on something else too. God knows what it is….O-Oh God Den…it hurts so much!" I tried to lift my head to look up at Mathias but he already had lifted my head, staring coldly down at me as I trembled.

Mathias looked different when the rain poured down onto him. His hair hung over his eyes rather than brushed back and even though they weren't, the raindrops trailing down his face reminded me of tears. I hoped I'd never get to see Denny cry.

"Jan hurt you didn't he?" Mathias asked simply, not once did he show any sign of emotion.

I sniffed and shook my head. Mathias knew I was lying; his eyes grew more angered. I quietly nodded, lowering my head.

"….." Mathias remained quiet and just pulled me close to his body again as I hiccupped against him.

"I-I… I wish this would all go away… this pain I'm feeling. It hurts so much, Mathias. It feels like…"

I felt Mathias rest his chin on top of my head, waiting for me to continue.

"It felt like someone stabbed a knife through my heart… several times. I j-just wish it was sunny again…" I closed my eyes, ignoring the cold raindrops dripping down my face including the ones which fell from Mathias' hair and onto mine. "I want to be happy again…with you…" I shut my eyes tightly, remembering those memories I had with Mathias when everything was perfect in this world.

I could barely hear anything. The sound of the rain faded, my eyes remaining closed and all I could hear after were the sounds of my own breathing.

The rain continued to pour down onto us.

But everything was quiet. I could feel everything happening, but I couldn't hear any of it. I felt Mathias' arms tighten around me. He must have lifted me off of the ground because I felt like I was being carried in his strong arms. I could still feel the rain, though. I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't, even when I tried. It was as if I were paralyzed or something.

Mathias had put a spell onto me so I couldn't open my eyes.

So I couldn't see the real tears slip down his cheeks as he held me in his arms in the middle of the pouring rain.

* * *

><p>The next time I woke up I felt warm again, the cold and pain all gone. With a tired groan I lifted my head, noticing I was lying back in my own bed at the orphanage. What the…<p>

How did I end up here?

I threw the blankets off of myself, shooting up to my feet out of bed. I was back in my PJs again for some reason. I grabbed my dressing gown and shoved it on, frantically tying it around me and rushed out of my room, noticing the hallways were dead empty.

I froze where I was, for a second feeling a little crept out by the quietness. It was still dark outside but then again it could possibly be early morning. I wandered bare-footed down the hallways, confused.

I remembered feeling myself being held by Mathias and the rain pouring onto us. I remembered that I struggled to open my eyes as if someone had taped my eyelids down.

Next thing I know I wake up in my own bed.

What happened? Did Mathias take me here?

I stopped in my tracks when I arrived in front of Antonio's room. The door was slightly open, a beam of light coming from the gap in the door and I heard voices coming from inside. I bit onto my lip, hesitantly stepping closer and peering through the gap in the door.

I saw Ms Gabatino sat there beside Toni's bed with a man dressed in a suit. I guessed he was a doctor. The stethoscope around his neck gave it away.

Antonio was lying in his bed asleep. His wounds seemed to already have been cleaned up but even now he looked like a state. His hair was a complete mess and he looked really warm as if he were sick. Maybe he was sick or something. Even when he was asleep there he still looked like he was in pain. Those images of Toni bleeding and begging for my brother's forgiveness… I just couldn't get them out of my head.

Ms Gabatino lifted her large-self up out of her seat as if she'd been sitting there for God knows how long and headed towards my direction. I gasped and backed away from the door, managing to keep myself on my feet when Ms Gabatino opened the door and stared at me as if I were a ghost.

"…E-Emma? Sweetie, you're awake…"

My eyes only widened in confusion when Ms Gabatino stepped closer to me, wrapping her large arms around me and squishing me into one of her deathly hugs.

"What happened?" I wheezed and she let me go, stroking the top of my hair. I stared up at her, my eyes large and innocently oblivious like a small child.

"Elizaveta, Emilie and Crystal found you, darling. You were lying unconscious in the park… don't you remember what happened, sweetheart?" She asked me. I blinked in surprise, my eyes widened.

No… that's not what I remember. But if I was unconscious I wouldn't have remembered it. Maybe Mathias brought me out of my world for me.

But wait…

Does that mean Mathias finally came into the real world?

"U-um… sorry I don't remember anything…" I had nothing left inside to cry even though I could tell by the look on Ms Gabatino's face that she was expecting me to break again. I had cried enough for one day.

"Everything is okay, darling. Antonio hasn't woken up since the fight yesterday but don't worry. The doctor said he's only going to make it. Just a few minor head injuries that's all," she told me.

I felt my heart drop. "What about my brother…?" I whispered, not sign of expression on my face.

"…. I don't know. Nobody has seen him either since the fight. He just disappeared."

I sighed and rubbed my temples which were starting to ache again. "I see…"

I felt Ms Gabatino place a hand on my shoulder, a sorry smile on her face. "You should probably get some rest today, hon."

I lifted a hand to touch my hair. I felt no signs of my hair having been wet from the rain which was odd. "…How did you find me, Miss?" I asked curiously.

"When you ran out Liz had followed you. She noticed you running off down the street—"

"Did she see Jan at the time?" I interrupted.

"…No, he had already disappeared…. But we all knew you had an obsession with that park, so we figured that was the first place to look for you."

I sighed and lowered my head in thought.

"…Emma?"

I lifted my head cautiously.

"What is it about that park which you love so much?" She asked.

"…."

I thought for a moment before giving her a reassuring smile and brushed her wrinkly hand off of my shoulder. "I'm going to take a shower, miss. Then I'll cook us some breakfast, kay? I want to forget everything that happened yesterday," I said as I stepped past her, scurrying down the stair case.

I spent the whole day either in the library where nobody would bother me or in the kitchen cooking for anyone who wanted something to eat. I had become quite good at cooking over the years but that was another story. The only times I went back upstairs was to see if Toni had woken up yet, which he hadn't.

I sat on the seat next to his bed, leant forward and brushing my fingers through his messy dark hair, watching his peaceful face and praying I'd see those green eyes of his open again.

"I'm sorry, Toni… I should have stopped Jan but I was too slow…"

I heard footsteps and somebody arrive in the doorway of Antonio's room. I lifted my head, my eye watery again from wanting to cry.

Lovino, one of the Italian twins stood at the doorway, looking so lost and devastated.

I gave him a reassuring smile and signalled for him to come inside, which he did but he remained quiet. I felt my heart twist by the look on his face. I had no idea how close he and Antonio were but I was always use to seeing Lovino with an irritated look on his face. Now he just looked like he lost everything.

"…Are you alright?" Lovino asked me as he cautiously stepped inside, sitting down on the seat next to mine.

"Oui, just a bit lost is all… I have no idea where my brother is right now."

I watched Lovino; his eyes were fixed straight onto Antonio. "Why did he do that to him…? Just…why?"

I sighed, glancing away from him. "Jan has always been a bit rough. Even when I was a little girl he used to punch me, pull my hair, steal my toys and throw them at me…" I smiled and shrugged, noticing Lovi clenching his fists as he listened to me. "I honestly think he has anger problems… That or these stupid drugs he's taking. I don't know what he's taking but I think he's taking a whole bunch of them. Ever since mother died he's been so distant and then all of a sudden he comes after Toni…" I sighed again and things went quiet.

Lovino abruptly knocked his chair back, making it fall with a loud clatter, enough to cause me to flinch by his sudden action. I stared at Lovi with shocked eyes, watching him; about to speak but the Italian already slammed his fist into the wall with a cry.

I yelped and shot up to my feet, my eyes wide with fright, "Lovino!"

Lovi was breathing heavily with anger, muttering something to himself in what I was assuming was his own language.

I cautiously stepped closer to him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. Lovino immediately flinched and brushed me away.

"Lovi… sweetheart, everything is going to be okay…" I tried to settle him. He was always so quiet and then all of a sudden everything was coming out.

Lovi shook his head, shutting his eyes tightly and running his hands through his dark brown hair. "I'm sorry about that…just…" His eyes caught into the sight of Toni again and he suddenly turned away, about to rush out of the room but I moved forward and grabbed his sleeve, stopping him from going anywhere.

I bit my lip, and stepped closer, wrapping my arms around the Italian from behind, pressing my face into his warm back.

"I wish this wasn't happening too, Lovi…" I whispered against him. "But everything's going to be okay in the end. It always is…"

"Don't I get a hug?"

My eyes snapped open and both Lovi and I twisted around towards Antonio who was struggling to sit up in his bed, giving us a weak grin.

I couldn't help but smile, rushing up to him and kneeling beside his bed, throwing my arms around him desperately, not sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry.

"Ah- ow – Emma that you? Ow."

I chuckled and pulled back, letting my hand stroke down his face, "How are you feeling you little bitch?" I giggled and Toni just rolled his eyes at me.

"Don't use that language around me, Emma," he smirked.

Lovino knelt down beside me; I smiled and moved out of the way for him, standing up to watch them.

Lovino didn't smile but I knew by the sparkle in his eye that he was happy. He didn't hug Antonio though, just stared at him and lowered his head in guilt. Antonio just shook his head and wrapped his own arms around Lovino, chuckling weakly into his ear. Lovino growled for a second but relaxed, letting Toni cuddle him and eventually gave into the hug and returned it.

I watched them both, sighing in relief that they were both going to be okay. I decided to give them a bit of privacy and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I could always go speak to Toni later on.

* * *

><p><em>August 2001,<em> I was 18 years old.

So a year had gone by and things had gone back to the way they were. Well, almost.

Antonio and I agreed that we would just remain as friends and nothing more.

I also suspected that Antonio had a thing for Lovino, despite how stubborn the Italian seemed sometimes. Nobody knew if they had a thing going on or what but we all suspected it, especially my trio of girls.

Oh, and turns out Liz was going out with that French guy in our orphanage, Francis. Okay then, wasn't expecting that.

I had started college with Elizaveta, Emilie, Lovino, Feliciano and a couple other orphans. Every week we would travel to the centre city of Paris which wasn't too far from the orphanage, because we could get a train there.

I loved it! I studied art history with Lovino and Feli. Despite how boring the lectures were, I enjoyed the experience of meeting new people and travelling into Paris every day, seeing the sights on your way to college.

I and the other orphans did a lot of things together during the summer like going swimming and stuff. I use to imagine swimming with Mathias… I hoped one day he'd let me swim with him.

I never saw Jan for a whole year, not since the fight last year. He had sent me a voice message on my phone though, telling me that he's gone to live by himself somewhere and he's never going to come back ever again. That was the last any of us every heard of him. Ms Gabatino wanted to find out where Jan was, acting much like the protective mother hen of our family but in the end we figured that Jan was going to be okay and couldn't stomach to return and see the damage he caused.

Good riddance.

I was incredibly busy with all sorts of things. College, life…

No Mathias, though. I never saw Mathias since that day I ran for him and he held me in the rain.

I had tried to escape back to the park but whenever I tried someone was always there to drag me away to somewhere else.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the sunshine was beautiful and warm. Everyone seemed busy today. I had an essay to write but I was desperate to spend time at the park.

I sneaked outside of the orphanage and when I was finally out I scurried down the street before anyone could notice I was gone. I wore one of my favourite dressed today. It was pale orange with a big pastel yellow ribbon wrapped around the waist. And of course I had my crimson hair ribbon in my hair too. I would have just worn shorts, but I wanted to look nice today for Mathias. It had only been a year but dammit I missed him. I never stopped thinking about him and when he wasn't around I'd just write more and more stories about them. I now had four books published about him.

I felt a little nervous to see him, afraid that my world was going to be pouring with rain like the last time. The butterflies had returned to the hedge when I arrived to my destination in the park, which I was glad to see. I had missed them.

When I finally pulled myself up to my feet after crawling through to the other side of the hedge I was glad to discover it wasn't raining, instead it was just as sunny and warm as it was in the real world. I smiled to myself and started to walk on, glancing up at the sky which was fading in and out of different shades of orange.

I continued to stroll my way through the trees until I came to the open field. The sun was so bright I had to hold my hand up for a moment to protect my eyes.

That is until everything went black…

Don't worry though. I could still feel and hear everything. Hands were covering my eyes and I knew exactly who it was. I giggled.

"Guess who?" the voice whispered into my ear and I pulled his hands away from my eyes, twisting around with a huge smile on my face.

"Mathias!" I launched forward and immediately threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Sorry I've been away! I've been busy with college and stuff." I giggled and looked up at him, reaching up and stroking his hair back. "God I missed you… things are okay now… they're getting better. Oh and I'm eighteen now!" I grinned.

Mathias smiled at me, gently taking my hand in his own gloved one. "I know, love. I know."

He called my love. It made my heart flutter and the dear to frolic around in the distance. I gently stroked his cheek, "…I love you Denden.," I whispered, reaching up on my tip toes and gave him a short kiss.

Den couldn't stop grinning just like I couldn't stop grinning. "Denden?"

"Yes, Denden," I sniggered. I was just about to ruin the moment by wanting to ask him if he was alright but before I got the chance Mathias suddenly wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up into his arms bridal style, laughing like a maniac.

I squealed and wrapped my arms around his neck, unable to stop giggling so much as he carried me towards the lake. I smiled at him as he carried me, pressing my forehead to his and tilted my head enough so that I pressed my lips to his as he walked. He was amazing to do such powerful things, so surely he'd be able to not bump into anything.

"Hey, wanna go swimming, Em?" He whispered against my lips, a broad but mischievous grin on his lips.

"Hn?" I blinked and glanced up at the lake we were approaching, playfully gasping and started to kick my legs, giggling at the same time. "No, no don't throw me in!" I squealed.

When we arrived by the lake Mathias gently set me down back onto me feet. We were both still trying to calm our laughter as I pulled my shoes off, Mathias pulling his own shoes off, the grass beneath me tickling my bare feet. I cautiously took a step into the freezing water, squeaking and flinching back. "It's cold!"

All of a sudden Mathias pressed his hands to my back and roughly shoved me into the lake. I scream, landing in the water and flailing, managing to quickly grab the edge of the rocks with a gasp, glaring up at Mathias who collapsed onto his knees in complete laughter.

"hmph," I huffed, "you bastard!" I couldn't help but giggle though and splashed some water towards him, only causing him to laugh more at me. He sat on his hands and knees, reaching over the water and splashing me back with water. I squealed, trying to hide my face from him. "oooh that's it Mathias I'm going to get you!"

Mathias chuckled and shot up to his feet, skipping backwards away from me as I dragged myself out of the lake, my hair and my dress all soaking wet as I stomped up to him, pretending to be angry despite how much fun I was having. I felt like such a child.

"Oh you're gonna have to catch me first," Mathias winked. I tried to make a grab for him, growling playfully but he had already bolted off away from me.

"I'm going get you!" I yelled, giggling, racing off after him, the grass aching my bare feet a little as I ran but I didn't care.

I'd never seen Mathias run before. Usually he was showing me things in my world. We never really did things like this. As I ran I noticed that the park was a lot bigger than I realised. I had never seen this part of the park before. It was so empty, but there were a lot of trees all lined up in a line. Two lines actually. Denny kept dodging in and out of the tree but I ran straight ahead for him.

The sight of the atmosphere was beautiful. It was like a huge path with a line of trees on either side, leaves gently floating from the trees and into the grass as if it were autumn. Well, summer was almost over after all. I continued to chase Mathias through here.

The sun beamed beautiful huge rays of sunlight through the trees and onto our path, a long shadow following both of our figures as we ran.

It was stunning and beautiful. It… it was like heaven.

All of a sudden Mathias stopped and turned around to face me, still trying to calm his breathing and chuckles. I yelped, unable to slow down quick enough and bashed into him, causing the both of us to tumble into the grass.

I shook my head and realised I ended up laying on top of Mathias. He was still giggling but was calming just as I was trying to catch my breath until we were both quiet.

Slowly I lifted my head to look at him, giving him a faint smile, feeling my cheeks warm up a little. The corner of Den's lip widened and he placed a large gloved hand on my blushing cheek, gently stroking my skin with his thumb.

From all the running and warmth, the sun had dried my hair but I was still a bit cold from the water. Well, not that cold because Mathias felt so warm. I smirked at him, resting my elbows on his chest with my chin in my palms.

"Hey Denden, guess what?"

"What?"

I leant down and gently nipped his ear, whispering, "…I got you…"

Mathias smirked, a sniggering sound coming from the back of his throat as he continued to caress my cheek. "Yes… yes you did."

I grinned and slowly leant down, pressing the tip of my nose to his. "…hey… I don't know if you know this or not but a couple of years ago I imagined something…" I told him, keeping my voice quiet even though I was lying on top of him in the middle of a slightly open space, minus the trees.

"Oh yeah…?" Den smiled, reaching his hands up and tied my hair into a messy bun using my ribbon. "What did you imagine?" He smiled widely as if he knew already, which he probably did.

"I… imagined that… you did things to me. Good things. I mean… I imagined that you … that you made love to me."

"Ah?" Mathias' smile grew but I knew he was only pretending to be too busy playing with my hair.

"Mhmm…" I blushed but couldn't stop beaming.

"Were you touching yourself?" He asked me all of a sudden.

I bit my lip shyly and muttered a reply, "…yes."

Mathias let out a breathless chuckle, holding onto the side of my cheek again and gazing deeply into my eyes, just as I gazed into his.

Mathias leant I up and I leant down until out lips were pressed together once again. I held onto his cheek, tilting my head into the kiss as did he, sighing quietly against his lips.

After moments the kiss became stronger and more desperate. I could feel Mathias struggling to lean up more to me and strengthening our kiss, causing me to exhale a quiet moan into his mouth.

Without expectation, Mathias pressed his hand to my waist and forced us both over so that he leant over me this time and I was the one laying back in the grass. I stared up at him in surprise, barely able to see his face with the sun beaming down behind him in the sky until he suddenly crashed his lips to mine again, causing me to sigh softly again into his mouth, letting my hand slip up into his hair and fingers threading through those messy blonde spikes of his.

I felt Mathias press his body down against mine and it caused me to hold my breath until I concentrated on his hand trailing up the side of my body, our lips continuing to press against each other and move with each other.

Mathias broke from the kiss and started to trail his lips down my jaw and down to my neck. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back to expose more of my neck for him. His teasing touches caused another quiet moan to slip out of my mouth.

His hand slid further up my body, cupping over one of my breasts. I felt his hand gently squeeze me, causing me to arch my back a little and hum slightly, asking for more. I wanted to see more of Denny. I wanted to see more and find out more about him. I reached forward, feeling his lips trail down a sensitive point on my neck which caused to quietly moan again but I continued my job of undoing the buttons on his sleeveless jacket, letting Mathias bend his arms so I could pull it off for him, flinging it to the side.

I could feel Mathias' lips trailing further down my body so I grabbed that red tie of his, yanking him back up to my lips, "uh-uh-uh~!" I smirked, passionately pressing my lips back to his as I reached forward, loosening his tie and pulling it off, letting it drop wherever and started to frantically undo the buttons of his white shirt, wanting to see his body.

In return, I felt Mathias' hands squeeze my breasts again and again teasingly, his fingers slipping into the top of my dress and pulling it downwards. I wore a bra so he saw nothing yet but enough skin was exposed for him to let his lips trail back down.

"mhmm…" I hummed; finally having undid the last button of his shirt and let my hands slip up his warm stomach. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, as if the feel of his muscles beneath my touches were just filling me up with ecstasy.

I lifted my head again to see, pushing his shirt off over his shoulders, allowing Mathias to sit up a little for me and let his shirt slip off.

Oh God …

He was beautiful…

I was literally staring at his shirtless body in awe until he interrupted me by pressing his lips to mine again, probably knowing that I was in a bit of a daze just then.

I felt his hands to my chest again, pulling my dress down just below my breasts, his fingers slithering to the straps of my bra. Each time I opened my eyes and saw his body my heart fluttered. I wanted to see the rest of him.

I let my arms wrap around his body, smoothing my palms over his skin and exploring him, sliding around to his front and levelling up his chest and over his shoulders smoothly, feeling how powerful he was by just touching him. My hands trailed down his stomach again and stopped at his belt as I felt his own hands pulling my bra down. I felt my cheeks warm up more and more when Mathias had exposed both of my breasts completely, though he didn't react. He was acting like we had done this before, but I had never done this in my life.

I bit my lip, shutting my eyes tightly for a moment as Mathias hummed against my skin, his lips travelling down to my breast. I felt his tongue press against my nipple, causing me to suck up breath and exhale a quiet moan.

The real thing defiantly felt better than imagining it.

My hands remained at his belt. I was too shy to do anything else for him until I felt Mathias reach his hand down over mine, placing it over his crotch. I felt my heart flutter again, causing another moan to slip out.

Mathis only continued to nip my skin, each of his movements so smooth and passionate.

I bit my lip before sucking up the courage and gently rubbed his crotch, feeling his erection beneath his clothes.

I heard Mathias hum quietly against me and then I felt his hand trail down further and further, his hand smoothly slipping down my leg and holding onto it for moment. I smiled to myself, letting out lips press to each other again. His hand travelled back up my leg, slipping up my dress. I knew where this was going. It caused my heart to continuously flip over. I shut my eyes, lifting my hands and frantically unbuckling his belt as I felt his fingers already reaching between my legs, gently massaging me as he starting to repeatedly kiss my chest.

I sucked up a breath and tilted my head back with pleasure, "a-ah…"

I felt Mathias smirk against my skin, slipping his fingers inside of my panties and moving them down, pulling back from me and sitting up. I smiled up at him, lifting my legs up for him and letting him pull off my undies, flinging them to the side and leant back over me, my own legs wrapping around his body.

I only realised Mathias was still wearing those fingerless gloves. I decided to not let it bother me even if it was as I felt him slip his hand back up my dress again. I stroked my hands down his gorgeous body again, finally yanking off his belt and throwing it hard to the side. Mat laughed at me and I spat my tongue out at him, reaching forward and pulling his pants down a little.

At the same time Mathis unclipped my bra out of the way and slid my dress down. I let allowed him to remove my clothes first.

When he finally did removed my dress though I laid there, completely nude and gazing up at him shyly, but with a look in my eyes screaming for him.

For the first time ever, I was the one who impressed Mathias. He stared at my body fascinated, running his fingertips between my breasts and all the way down my stomach.

I licked my dry lips, holding onto his shoulders and pulling him forward so I could remove his clothes too. When everything was finally off of him, I sighed heavily and he distracted me by pressing his lips firmly to mine yet again.

He was still wearing those gloves. Didn't he want to feel me more or were his fingertips just enough? Oh well.

I felt his body press back to mine when I wrapped my arms around his neck, humming quietly into his mouth. I could feel the sensation of Mathias' erection press constantly against me down below in an almost rhythmic way.

I let my hands slide down then back up his back, admiring the feeling of his powerful muscles. I suddenly gripped onto his arm, feeling his tip press against my clit, slipping down into the entrance of my vagina. With a whimper I bit my lip, flickering my eyes up to him.

He gave me reassuring smile and pecked my lips, gently pushing his hips forward. I could seriously feel him move deeper into me. It caused me to hiss with pain and pleasure. "A-ahn..."

I heard Mathias grown against me, distracting himself by kissing my neck repeatedly which only caused me to moan more and more. I could feel his cock inside of me and so deeply. "M-Mathias—nnh…"

He kept pulling back then pushing himself deep into me again until he had created a pace. My breathing became quicker, my arms flopping back behind my head, my chest lifting up. I moaned and moaned every time Mathias pushed into me.

I pressed a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him down for another kiss to distract myself, hiding my moans inside his mouth. Once my confidence grew I attempted to move my hips with his, the pace of the thrusts increasing.

The pace only quickened, Mathias shoving his hips against mine, causing me to throw my head back in delight, letting my screams echo through my world.

I didn't even notice the grass glowing again. Was that really some sort of love energy? I was too busy to admire it right now.

My breathing became heavy as the thrusts became harder and faster, even Mathias was showing sign of pleasure, humming into my ear and enjoying my pleasured shrieking.

I held my breath, feeling that moment build up more and more until it came. Mathias forced himself deep into me. I felt dizzy for a moment, clinging for dear life onto him when my muscles squeezed against his member. We cried each other's names into either person's ears until that amazing feeling faded and we both relaxed. Mathias was dripping with sweat and so was I. He collapsed in the grass beside me, lying on his back with his eyes closed. I turned my head towards him, catching my own breath and rolled over, crawling on top of him and resting my head on his stomach.

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself, affectionately rubbing my head against his chest, enjoying his hand stroking through my hair.

I then relaxed, trying to listen to his heartbeat…

But…

Wait…

I couldn't hear anything.

I opened my eyes a little worried.

Mathias had **_no_** heartbeat…

_…H-how?_


	10. Chapter 10

(Warning: Chapter contains nudity from the start)

* * *

><p>My head remained on Mathias' bare chest for a while, trying to listen; listen for any sign that he had a heartbeat… nothing.<p>

I lay there complete nude on top of his naked body. I enjoyed this feeling so much. It felt so human and so real but… Mathias' lack of heartbeat was bothering me so much that I could hear the deer gallop faster in the forest of trees.

I lifted my head then, staring down at Mathias who had his eyes closed. I knew he was awake but just imagining him dead made me shiver. I gently stroked my fingers across his cheek. Blue eyes opened then and he smiled up at me. I returned the smile unsurely.

"…Denny…" I whispered.

"Ja?"

"…"

Mathias sat up, wrapping an arm around my naked body. "…Emma what is it?"

I stared at his chest, letting my hand drop down to stroke over the spot where his heart was supposed to be. "You have no heartbeat, Mathias…" I whispered.

Although I had my eyes down I could feel sense Mathias stiffen with both his arms wrapped around me now, his warm body so close to mine. I loved it and I felt so safe like this but at the same time nervous, because I keep expecting to feel Mathias' heartbeat quicken. "…" Mathias said nothing.

I looked up at him almost desperately. "Mathias…? Please… tell me what's going on…" I said calmly.

All of a sudden he took my hand and stood up to his feet, pulling me up with him. I felt cautious and embarrassed at first, wrapping an arm around my breasts until I remembered that I and Denny were the only ones here anyway, so it didn't matter.

"Emma, why are you asking where my heartbeat is?" He asked me, holding onto my hand and walking on with me.

I walked with him, forcing myself to relax and keep my eyes up to his, ignoring the fact we were both nude right now. I secretly liked it.

It made me feel free.

"Denny… You have no heartbeat at all-"

"I don't have a heart, Emma," he interrupted me.

I stopped in my tracks, staring at him with wide eyes, feeling like I was stuck in the land of OZ for a moment.

"…what? B-but… you're alive, aren't you?" I reached a hand up to stroke his emotionless face. "Denny…?"

He placed a gloved hand over mine. I looked at his glove, deciding it was time to ask about those too. "…Why do you wear these, Den? What are they for?"

Again, he remained quiet.

"Mathias! What's going on? You show me so much yet I feel like there's so much more you haven't told or shown me! Please! I want to know!"

"Don't yell at me," his voice edged quietly, his sharp blue eyes glaring into mine like lasers.

My eyes widened and I stared back up at him, looking like I've just lost him. My hand dropped but Mathias caught it, holding my delicate palm between his two large gloved ones.

"Some things are better left unsaid, Emma," he told me.

I forced a smile, at least a sad one and nodded, lowering my head. "Well…at least let me take you to the real world, Mathias… I've wanted to show you it in a long time… I want to show you to my friends…" I smiled, lifting my head to look up at him.

Den returned the smile but by the darkness in his eyes I could tell he had something bad on his mind.

"…please Den?" I whispered, pushing myself up onto my tip toes to gently plant a short kiss on his lips. "For me?"

He was silent for a short moment before he finally replied with a nod but a sigh with it, taking my hand and squeezing it as a promise.

"Thank you," I mouthed.

"Let's get dressed first though, kay?" Den said, the corner of his lips widening into a half smile.

As soon as we both got dressed back into all of our clothes I grabbed Denny's hand, leading him towards the trees where the hedge was.

"Have you ever come out of this world, Mathias?" I asked him as I dragged him across the field, smiling my feline smile back at him.

"Yeah…" He didn't sound proud of that.

I shrugged it off and once we arrive at the hedge I bounced in excitement. "I usually climb through this hole here to get into here and back."

"I'll meetcha on the other side," Denny said, folding his arms and watching me.

"…Oh, um. Okay!" I nodded, figuring Mathias will follow after me. I knelt down, struggling through the hole in the hedge until I eventually climbed out the other side. With a glad sigh I straightened up, brushing some of the dirt off of my dress.

Mathias was standing in front of me.

I screamed.

Mathias laughed and wrapped his arms around me, who was trembling with shock, nuzzling his face affectionately against my head.

I sighed. "Mathias, do you have to just suddenly appear like that without telling me?" I smacked him on the shoulder but he just kept laughing at me. I couldn't help but giggle with him.

At last… I was in the real world with Mathias. I couldn't wait to show him everything and everyone.

We walked on and held onto each other's hands, our fingers locking in with each other and slightly swaying as we walked. I watched Mathias from time to time, enjoying how his eyes were constantly scanning the place as if he was wary or not sure but I knew it was because he probably wasn't used to seeing other people about.

"It's different and not magical like my world, I know. But it's not so bad, Mathias."

"Hm," he shrugged. "I prefer your world," he grins, ruffling my hair which by the way was still tied up in a messy bun.

I giggled as we wandered together along a pathway. I wrapped my arms around him affectionately, noticing someone passing by on their bike, giving us the weirdest of looks. "hm?"

With a frown I let go of Mathias, glaring at the biker riding away. "…What was their problem?" I huffed.

Mathias only shrugged, wrapping an arm around me. "They probably think you look gorgeous with your hair tied up like that."

I chuckled, blowing a strand of golden hair out of my face. "Perhaps. C'mon I want to show you to the orphanage first."

I was too busy and excited dragging Mathias around the park then down the street on our way to the Orphanage that I never realised the amount of times he'd been biting his lip or have a serious look on his face. It didn't suit him. I wished Mathias would take those gloves off too. I figured they had something to do with his magic or something. I don't know, he'd never tell me.

Once we arrived outside of the building I wrapped my arms around my tall blond male, raising an arm up to the building. "This is where I live, Mathias! You'll get to meet all my friends and Ms Gabatino who was kind enough to take me in when I was a little girl."

Mathias gave me a grin and a nod, his eyes scanning around the building. The building was quite big since it had many rooms inside with plants and greenery growing up the sides of the outside of the building wall.

"Looks old."

I giggled and tugged on his hand, "Well, it is pretty old. C'mon I wanna show you inside! I'm sure they won't mind."

I totally broke the rule of not bringing strangers into the Orphanage building without Ms Gabatino's permission. Besides Denny was such an amazing and kind hearted- well, kind man, surely they'd allow him to visit even for a little bit.

I heard Mathias clear his throat behind me as I lead him inside.

"Hey, Emma… there's something you need to know-"

"I need to make sure Ms Gabatino is okay with it first," I interrupted him, too excited to listen to what he had to say. I crept inside the front hallway with him, glancing around. The place seemed to be deserted today although I could hear voices coming from the back garden. A beam of sunlight shone down the hallway from the front door as we crept in, following our long shadows.

I looked back at Mathias and took his hand. "I think Ms Gabatino is outside with the boys. C'mon, let me show you my room!" I beamed, dragging him around the corners of each hallway and up the staircase.

"This is a pretty big place, Em. You're lucky living here,"

"I sure am" I sighed with a smile as we arrive upstairs, which also was deserted. It wasn't unusual especially nowadays for people to not be about the campus. "If it wasn't for Ms Gabatino taking me and Jan in, I honestly don't know where we'd end up."

I lead Mathias all the way down the bottom of the hallway where my room was, opening up the door and skipped inside before him, twisting around and holding out my hands in a sort of 'voila' pose.

"I know it's not much," I chuckled, already straightening out the blankets which were already straightened out this morning, since Ms Gabatino agreed that's a strict rule for all of the orphans to keep their bedrooms neat and tidy.

I looked at Mathias who seemed quite busy gazing at everything around him as if he'd never seen anything in his life before. I was quite amused, because normally I was the one in that position.

Mathias stepped inside, spotting my book on the side table and tilting his head to read the title. The book itself had a picture of a rose at the front, a blue rose which looked like it was sprinkled with silver glitter and the book was titled: The Magician of My World. It was a crummy title but I loved everything about my book. "This is the book you've been writing, isn't it?"

I nodded with a "mhm!" And I picked it up, flicking through it. "It's my own book which I've written and published." I shut the book and held it to my chest. "The couple in it are based on me and you…" I smiled shyly.

Mathias' lips widened into a broad grin and he took a step back to take another look around. I noticed he stepped on something and so did he, glancing down and lifting his shoe. A squished white fluffy stuffed bunny who I used to name George lay there.

"George!" I suddenly yelped out then stepped forward, glancing up at Mathias who raised an eyebrow at me and bent down, picking the stuffed bunny up and examining it; its dirty matted fur and he noticed it now had one eye missing.

"Hm…"

I stepped up to him, holding onto my hands in front of myself. "This is my toy rabbit… He's called George, named after my father who I've never met before but I've seen pictures of him…"

Mathias remained quiet, still examining the toy.

"I've had him since I was a little girl," I smiled, holding my hands behind my back this time. "He's always been special to me but for the past few years I've sort of abandoned him. And he's lost his eye which is a shame…"

"If he's so special why do you leave him alone on the floor?" Mathias asked me calmly, beautiful blue eyes glancing up at me.

I didn't know what it was but for some reason, Den's words made my heart fall. "I… just don't really play with him as much as I used to I guess. I'm not a child anymore," I said with a shrug.

Mathias remained oddly quiet but the content smile remained on his face. He stepped past me and placed George gently on the bed against the pillows, stroking the bunny's floppy ears.

I smiled, an odd thought coming across my mind; imagining what it would be like if Mathias would put his own child into bed like that, if he could even have children. I glanced down at my stomach with a blush.

"Look away, Emma."

I did exactly the opposite. I looked up at him, only to notice Mathias pull his right hand glove off.

I gasped, my eyes widening. Mathias' palm was glowing and it was placed over George's eye. His whole hand now was glowing bright blue. I watched, the whole room looking like it was multiplying but I was just getting dizzy from watching.

When Mathias pulled his hand away from George's head, the bunny had a second eye again, as if Mathias had given it to him.

Just like magic.

I didn't know whether I was coming or going and before I knew it I heard Mathias' muffled voices in the background of my mind and something soft hit against the back of my head. I fainted.

When I opened my eyes groggily the first thing I saw was Den's face, looking worriedly down at me. "Em? Thank God…" Mathias sighed relieved. I noticed how much he was sweating and how red he was, as if he had just ran miles. I was cradled in Mathias arms comfortingly. It felt greatly soothing.

Confused and dazed I reached up, lightly touching his cheek. "…what happened?"

"You only fainted," he said. Only?

I blinked rapidly for a few moments and sat up with a groan, leaning against him to steady my spinning head. "…Mathias, wha—"

Mathias suddenly held my stuffed rabbit George in front of me, as if I were a little child having just lost her favourite toy and been given it again. My eyes widened at it, my fingertips reaching forward and pressing against the eye George supposedly had lost but Mathias had given it again. "…h-how…how did you…I thought I lost his eye…"

Mathias placed George in my hands, which I cuddled tightly to my chest.

"I'm guessing you saw what I did just now. I told you to look away, but you didn't."

I opened my eyes and glanced up at him. Mathias lifted his right hand which was once again covered with the fingerless glove.

I frowned, touching the material of the glove on his palm. "…I don't understand…"

"What did you see, Emma?" He asked me calmly.

"… You just…sort of placed your hand over George's missing eye like this," I placed my palm over the rabbit's head. "Then it was glowing… and then you took your hand away and his missing eye was there! Then … I don't know what happened after that."

"You fainted."

"Yeah, I figured."

"You…" He sighed. "I have a symbol on my palm. It controls my magic and everything I do. The only reason you passed out was because you saw it glow. If you saw the symbol … you'd drop dead…"

I froze and swallowed, staring at his gloved hand. "So that's why you never take the gloves off…"

"Mhm… it's that powerful. I had my back towards you just now so you couldn't see it."

"What happens if you yourself see it?" I asked.

"Nothing," he replied.

"Ah…" I pressed my lips together in thought. Mathias hooked his arms around me and helped me up to sit on the edge of my bed, he himself sitting next to me.

I pressed my chin against the top of George's head, thinking, my other hand stroking down to my stomach when the thought of before came into my head. "…Hey…Mathias…?"

"Hm?"

"Is it possible that…I can…" I lowered my head, the thought of me being a mother just sending a shiver up my spine. I was too young to be a mother. "I can get pre-"

"Emma!" Antonio burst in, a huge smile on his face and his hair all over the place.

I flinched and looked up at him with wide eyes, cuddling tighter onto George and feeling Mathias' arm tighten around me. "…T-Toni?"

Antonio oddly didn't react to Mathias sitting next to me and stepped up to me. "Hey, sorry about that, me and the guys are going to watch a movie. You wanna join us?"

I blinked up at him, glancing at Mathias then turning my head back to Antonio, wondering why he wasn't asking why a tall stranger was cuddling me right now. "Um… no thanks."

Antonio gave me a nod, the beamy smile remaining on his face. "No worries!" He stepped back, grinning. "By the way who were you talking to?"

"… Antonio, what do you mean who was I talking to?" I raised an eyebrow.

Antonio returned me the baffled look. "… well, I heard you talking to someone, unless you were talking to yourself," he chuckled.

I shot up to my feet, feeling Mathias flinch. "…Toni, I was talking to my friend, Mathias," I said sternly, placing George on the bed and a hand on Den's shoulder. "See? Please don't tell Gabatino. He's my friend; remember the one that I told you about? The one I visit in the park? This is him!" I smiled brightened up.

Antonio raised an eyebrow staring at my hand. To him, all he could see was my hand floating in the air, not holding anything. "Uh… Emma? Are you feeling okay?"

I frowned immediately, looking down at Mathias who had his head lowered then back at Toni.

"Toni, stop it! Mathias is right here! Are you blind or something?"

"Emma there's nobody there! The only ones in this room are me and you!" Toni started to look panicked.

I felt my eyes water and I shook my head in disbelief, looking down at Mathias in horror. "..Denny? Denny why can't he see you?"

Mathias raised his head, eyes flickering up to mine. "He can't hear me either."

"Denny stop this! Make yourself visible so he can see you!" I forced a smile, thinking that Mathias was just putting a spell on himself so that nobody else could see him.

"I can't," Den shrugged.

Antonio stood there, looking worried at me. I was starting to get frustrated.

"Why, Den? Why can't Toni see you?" I panicked, my eyes watering up more and more.

"Um…Emma I should go," Toni frowned, backing out of the room.

"No!" I yelped, stepping up to Toni and grabbed his hand, yanking him over to Mathias and forcing Antonio to feel Den's hair.

"Do you feel it, Antonio? It's Mathias' hair…"

"No, Emma… I don't feel anything…" Toni frowned.

I let out a cry and shoved Toni away, holding my hands over my eyes and remained quiet.

Toni started to back away again, looking at me like I was a stranger; a crazy mentally sick person. "Nobody's there, Emma… You're just imagining things…" He sighed. "I'm sorry Em…I'll leave you alone…adios…"

As soon as I heard the click sound of my door close I dropped my hands and slapped Mathias across the face, glaring viciously at him.

Den winced, slowly lifting his head to look up at me.

"Den. What did you do? Why can't he see you?" I spoke slowly, my voice angered and my arms folding against my chest.

"He just can't, Emma. That's what I tried to tell you before. Nobody can see me except for you."

My lip started to tremble. "W-what are you talking about, Den?"

Mathias lowered his head.

"ANSWER ME YOU DICK!" I screamed, gasping up a sob.

"…Emma… I'm _not_ real…" He whispered.

I felt my heart sink lower than it's ever done before. "…Mathias _please_. _Stop_ making these things up—"

"No," Mathias huffed, standing up to his feet and glaring down at me. "_YOU_ stop making things up!"

"What are you talking about, Mathias? You're real; I can see you right now, you're standing_ in front_ of me!"

"No I'm not! I'm just a hallucination!" He snapped.

My tear-filled eyes widened. I was gobsmacked. I just stared at him horrified.

"I don't exist, Emma! For all these year's you've known me! Your world. Me. None of it is real to this world! I don't exist, Emma! You're imagining me the whole time! I'm part of you, that's why everything I do affects you. That's why everything you think up affects me and your imaginary world in the park!"

I felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore. Mathias' words sucking the life out of me.

"So… making love to you… I just imagined it… It's why you have no heartbeat, isn't it? You're not real, are you Mathias…?" My voice trembled, tears cascading down my cheeks.

"No. I'm not. I never was, and I never will be…"


	11. Chapter 11

I sat on the edge of my bed hiccupping with my face buried in my hands. Mathias stood in the empty space of the room, watching me but remained quiet the whole time.

I must have been sitting there sobbing for a while. I couldn't even keep track of time anymore. I felt hurt. Hurt because Mathias had lied to me. Did Mathias even lie or was I imagining that too?

"Mathias…" I whimpered, keeping my head down, barely even able to look at him at the moment without my stomach wanting to force me over to vomit.

He remained quiet.

"W-why did you lie to me?" I cried, looking up at him, my face a complete mess, my eyes puffy red from crying. God, I looked terrible. Yet I couldn't give a shit.

"I'm sorry," was all he muttered to me.

I sniffed, wiping my arm across my eyes, yanking my ribbon out of my messy bun and tied it into my hair as a head band.

"Denny, I don't get any of this. WHY is it I can see you, touch you, and even smell you! Yet you don't exist. Why, Mathias? Please I don't understand…"

Mathias stepped up to me and knelt down in front of me, his sharp blue eyes seeming brighter than ever but his face so dull and lifeless, not like the Denny I used to know. I wondered if it was because I was upset.

"Emma… I'm not real."

"Oui you fucking clarified that enough times you jerk!" I spat my words out at him, wiping my knuckles over my eyes again.

Mathias sighed but continued. "In this world I'm not real. In another world, I am. It's so complicated Emma, but…I'm not even human. I'm a spirit." He sighed. "And if I tried explaining it to you I don't think you would be able to handle it. The explanation as to what I am or where I come from is SO great, so big, TOO big for the human mind to think of. It's like trying to think about how big the universe is. You just can't, no human can imagine it."

I sniffed, lowering me head and starting to calm down. "So what…you're some sort of alien?" I grumbled.

"Nej. I… I'm a nation."

I raised an eyebrow, pulling my arms closer within myself. "What are you talking about? I don't understand…"

Mathias sighed again. "Exactly… It's extremely difficult to explain in words that you'd understand, Emma. But somehow I just ended up to be part of you and your imaginary world."

"That still doesn't explain everything that happened between us…" I muttered, much calmer this time. "It all felt so real. Even now, seeing you feels real!"

"Only you can see, feel and hear me, Emma. Remember what I said. I'm part of you. Whatever happens to you affects me and whatever happens to me affects you. We're the same person, Emma, but at the same time we aren't. I'm a spirit that can only be seen by one person." He gently took my delicate hand, holding it to his chest. The sounds of hoof beats galloping thundered in my ears, my teary eyes started to widen a fraction.

"You see?" Mathias let go of my hand and the sound was gone.

"Sort of…" I sniffed. "But yet you still don't exist… I can't be with you, Mathias… I can't love you without people thinking I'm insane!"

Mathias had a guilty look in his eye, chewing on his bottom lip. "…No… unfortunately you can't. Unless you want people to think you're crazy…"

I sighed heavily, holding onto my dizzy head. "…there's something else I don't get. You said you have a symbol on your hand. You said if I saw this symbol it would instantly kill me. Is that true?"

Mathias sadly nodded.

"But why?"

"It only affects you, Emma… Because the magic I create is part of you, this symbol only affects you. Nobody else would be able to see it anyway, since to them I don't exist."

"I see…" I muttered. Things were starting to become a little bit more clearer in my head but I was still mightily confused.

"So… all this time… I never really went into another world; I was just sitting there imagining it..?"

Mathias nodded.

"And you're not real… But at the same time you are… only to me. You're a spirit that can only be seen by me."

Mathias nodded.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. "A-And… you have the power to do what you want with me. Make me happy, make me sad. Even kill me."

Mathias nodded.

"…w-where do you even come from?"

"Like I said…it's hard to explain…"

"Is it some spirit world o-or something?"

Mathias sighed and shook his head at me. "Not really…"

I forced a smile, though I wasn't sure what I was supposed to smile for.

"Mathias… I love you…" I whimpered quietly, my glistening eyes glancing up to his. "I love you so much… I don't care if you're not human. I don't care if you're a spirit or if you don't exist to anyone. You exist to ME. Mathias to me you're real and I don't care if anyone sees it. I don't care!" I shifted closer to him, reaching forward to lightly touch his face; his slightly rough skin. I could still feel him. "…Why me though? Why is it only I can see you?"

Mathias shrugged. "I'm not sure, honestly," he reached forward to cup my chin. I closed my eyes, taking in the feel of his touch and his scent. "Maybe we had some sort of connection with each other…"

I opened my eyes then in realisation.

"…M-Mathias…"

Beautiful dying blue eyes looked up into mine.

"Mathias … when I was a little girl… there was a bus crash. I lost my mother that night but Jan and I managed to survive somehow…" I swallowed and by the look on Mathias' face I could tell he was starting to catch on what I was saying. "…What if I wasn't supposed to live? Was I supposed to die? Is that why I can see you?"

"Perhaps… I'm just a spirit, Emma. I'm not a creature, I'm not anything. I can't even think for myself. I don't have the ability to have my own emotions. All my emotions are your emotions. You only see me in this form because you want to. I'm nothing at all. I just don't exist."

"Yet you're here!"

"I know… I told you it's complicated…"

I ran a hand back through my blonde curly hair, trying to think. "…I see," At last I stood up to my feet, deciding that I should go change my clothes. I didn't care if Mathias watched… he said he couldn't have his own feelings, so it wouldn't matter. I turned away from Mathias and stepped up to the big mirror on my wall, staring at myself blankly. Lines of drying tears could be seen down my warm cheeks. But I noticed something… My eyes widened when I stared into the reflection on the mirror.

Mathias wasn't there….

I whipped my head around to look back at Mathias who was sitting on the edge of my bed now, looking at me with a weak smile.

Looking back at the mirror, he was gone again, but I knew he was watching me. I sucked up a breath, pushing the straps of my dress down, staring at the spot on my bed in the mirror where Mat was supposed to be sitting. "Even the reflections can't see you, Den…"I whispered, pushing the top part of my dress down. "Heh… is the spirit world really THAT out of life?"

No reply, he just watched me.

I let my pale orange dress fall to my feet and I stood there in just my underwear, gazing blankly at my reflection. "…if I was a spirit too, would we be together, Mathias…? How could I finally be with you without knowing I'm insane? Would I have to die to be with you?" I asked, not even expecting a reply.

He remained quiet, but I knew he was there.

I breathed heavily; just the sound of my breathing was all I could hear as I reached my hands behind my back and unclipping my bra, letting it drop to the floor instantly. I raised my head a little, staring at my own body. I sometimes looked at myself thinking I was beautiful.

Did I think that way because Mathias let me see myself beautiful?

I watched that empty space on the bed in the mirror again then looked back over my shoulder at Mathias, not even giving him a smile.

He too lost his smile. He just gazed up to my eye contact. He wasn't even interested in looking at my almost naked body.

Yet he could fall in love with me.

Why?

Because I fell in love with him first; I fell in love with someone who isn't real.

I was starting to understand this all. I was starting to understand.

Mathias was just like a toy; A toy being dragged along by a little child. He couldn't do or feel anything. His owner controlled everything he did. He was just there to entertain her and pleasure her. Everywhere she'd go, she'd take him with her. He was just there to make her happy when she was sad. He was just there for her to cuddle and hold.

Just like my bunny George was.

Except Mathias was a lot more than that to me; I could share strong emotions with him. I could make love with him. We'd laugh together, we'd run together, we'd cry together.

Could Mathias die, I wondered? Perhaps he was already dead. Maybe I had to stay alive for us to balance out; the dead and the living.

Till death do we part? How is that possible with me and Mathias?

Was Mathias even alive to begin with? _Mathias…who are you?_

_Why do you like to be called Denny? You said you were a nation. What does that mean?_

_You said you were a spirit, Mathias. What does that mean?_

Maybe I'll never know.

_"Some things are better left unsaid."_

I remember Mathias telling me that back in my world. He was right. Maybe things would have been better if he never told me; if I never shown him the real world.

I reached my hands down, slipping my panties down until they slipped off and laded by my feet. Exhaling a sigh I looked one more time at that empty space on the bed in the mirror before turning towards Mathias so I could see him for real, giving him a faint smile.

"I think I understand now, Den…"

He returned the smile, giving me a slight nod. Any normal man would just be staring in awe at a pretty girl like me standing naked in front of him. Not Mathias. He had respect, at least, even if he didn't know what that was.

I turned to my wardrobe and pulled out some new underwear, slipping them on and pulled out some short jeans and a t-shirt for myself. Once I was dressed again I stepped up to Mathias, sitting down on the edge of my bed next to him, taking his hand in my own and squeezing it. "…Mathias…" I whispered, hearing the sounds of galloping ring in my ears again.

He watched me carefully. I could feel his thumb gently brush over my knuckles.

"Mathias I want to die."

I watched his face drop but that was the only reaction I got. I took his gloved hand, about to pull his glove off before he suddenly yanked his hand away and stood up before I could get it off.

"NO!"

I stared, frightened up at him. "…Mathias…I-I can't live in this world anymore… I can't live knowing that I'm in love with someone who won't exist to anyone else but me! I can't live that way with people thinking I'm insane!"

Mathias lowered his head a little, watching me.

I exhaled and stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him, pressing my face against his red tie once again. "…Denny… whoever you are… can't you do some magical and powerful enough to make us both real…?"

Mathias never did answer me. I barely remembered what happened after I said the word 'real'.

The next thing I knew I was laying in my bed with the blankets wrapped up around me. I opened my eyes, feeling incredibly groggy. I sat up in bed, pulling on my shirt. I was in my pyjamas again… Odd.

I shot out of bed, wondering what happened. Did Mathias send me here again? Did I pass out again or…

Was everything a dream?

I grabbed my Siamese cat calendar from off of the wall, looking at the dates. I always marked off each date at the end of every day and it looks like it's only the next day. A little confused I placed the calendar back on the wall, wandering over to my window and peering out of it, letting out a sigh and watching my breath condense against the cold glass.

I waited all morning, sitting by the window… just… waiting….

…Waiting for Mathias to pop up somewhere.

He never came.

* * *

><p>Days had gone by and it was a new term for college. I hadn't been myself ever since the last time I saw Mathias last month. Everyone noticed how out of it I was, how spaced out and edgy I became if someone asked me an innocent question.<p>

It was an early afternoon. I knew I should have stayed at college this afternoon but I wasn't feeling that well today. All I wanted to do was go home and lie in my bed; close my eyes and hope Mathias will carry me to his world instead of mine.

When I got inside the Yerres Orphanage building I wandered down the hallway, slipping into the kitchen to get myself some food. I searched through the fridge and the cupboards, frowning when I noticed there wasn't much to eat. Godammit, I had to wait another few hours for the food to arrive from where Ms Gabatino normally ordered it from.

Just then I froze when I heard a muffled sound. I straightened up, closing the fridge door and listened. It sounded like somebody crying in the living room. I heard the sounds of screaming and talking coming from the living room TV.

My eyes so happened to glance up at a calendar on the wall. September 11th.

I frowned, listening to the muffled sounds coming from the living room and stepped out into the hallway. I didn't know whether the orphans in the living room were watching the news or something, but it frightened me…

Something felt wrong… so wrong.

For some reason…just like that…

I didn't feel safe anymore…


	12. Chapter 12

_14th July, 2005._ I'm 23 year's old.

Years.

It had been years since I've seen Mathias and not once have I forgotten him. I spent my time writing more and more books.

I had gone to the park many times to find the hedge. The hedge was there but the butterflies were gone. The roses had all died.

Whenever I tried climbing through the hedge, I'd literally hit a brick wall…

When I graduated from college, I left the Orphanage and got my own apartment in the city of Paris. I got a job as a teacher and I was hoping to work my way up to teach others about Art history, even if I was starting to lose interest in the subject. During work my colleagues would always try to engage me into a conversation of some sort. I was never the best at that. I'd always say something weird, incredibly weird and I could tell by the looks on their faces that they thought I deserved to be locked away in a mental institution.

I felt lonely in my apartment after work or on the weekends and breaks, but at least there was nobody else about to watch me talk to myself.

I tended to do that a lot since Mathias was gone… talk to myself. I'd pretend Mathias was there. I'd imagine he was sitting with me in my apartment and we were cuddling. I kept my rabbit George with me in my apartment and I'd pretend George was Mathias. I'd cuddle him, kiss him, and take him to bed with me. I'd sit in bed and pleasure myself with my hands, pretending they were Mathias exploring my body like he had done so before once. I'd sit out on my balcony in the early mornings, watching the sun rise and try to draw on my notepad. I was always a terrible drawer but I'd try. I'd draw all the things I remember from my world and the things Mathias showed me.

Those were all the things I'd do with my time. Other than that I was at work, working with children. I enjoyed my job and I just adored children.

From time to time I'd phone my brother Jan to see how he was doing. He'd pick up, but we'd always end up arguing again so I wondered what the point was anymore with him.

I had times when a guy would ask me out but I refused each time.

I still believed Mathias was out there, somewhere. Each time I'd lean against the railings of my balcony looking over at the city of Paris and knowing that Mathias was out in this world somewhere. Maybe his spirit was connected with another person now. Or perhaps he was waiting for me. Perhaps we were waiting for each other.

He's real. To me he's real. Mathias is everything but my imagination.

It was a sunny morning in Paris. I was getting dressed, putting on some jeans and a short sleeved shirt and a pair of converse shoes before heading out. It was early but I didn't care. Plus it was the weekend so I didn't have work, but I just wanted to take a walk out. I had no idea where I'd end up… I didn't care.

I just wanted my Denny…

I peered into my bag, smiling a little to myself as I walked along the street. I had stuffed George in my bag. Call me a stupid child, but ever since Mathias disappeared I never went anywhere without my stuffed bunny.

I kept walking. Just walking and walking and I was starting to get tired, I hadn't eaten much all day or stopped off anywhere for a drink. I was ready to collapse.

It was the afternoon by now. I was sat on a brick wall just next to a railway track on the other side of the barb wire fence. I sighed, staring down at my feet and clutching my rumbling stomach.

"Mathias… I wonder if you can cook," I whispered to myself then giggled. "I'm starving right now… But I guess it won't matter," I said, turning around and holding onto the wire fence, watching a train thunder pass quicker than my eyes could catch it.

I had plans…

_Mathias, just wait._

_I'm coming for you, sweetheart._

I wore my converse shoes today for a reason. I wore jeans for a reason. I didn't bother to eat for a reason. I came here with George for reason.

Funny, how things have a reason for happening…

Yet Mathias never had a reason for anything he did. It just happened. He just did it.

I clutched onto my bag with George inside, gripping onto the fence and started to climb it, my heart pounding. Whenever my heart raced, I never heard the galloping noise; ever since Mathias disappeared.

When I was at the top I tensed up, gritting my teeth and swung my leg over. Luckily the top of the wired fence wasn't that sharp, although it did rip a section of my jean legs at one point.

Just when I thought I was okay I felt something stab into my leg and I screamed, dropping George with my bag and let go of the fence. A lose wire sticking out had dug straight through my jeans, into my flesh and I was left hanging on the fence.

Screaming with pain I tried to lift my leg, feeling blood rushing up my thigh and my feet turning numb. "SHIT-" cried, forcefully yanking my leg away from the wire, shrieking with unbearably loud pain and fell from the fence, landing with a thud into the hundreds of stones by the train tracks.

With a yelp I weakly forced myself up to my hands and knees, whimpering from the huge pain in my leg.

What was I doing again…?

Oh that's right, getting Mathias back.

I was crazy. Damn right I was crazy. This, my friend is what you call being crazy in love.

I noticed a train in the distance, approaching. Within a few minutes it'll pass me.

Letting out a huff I grabbed George who had fallen out of my bag, clutching him under my arm and staggered up to my feet, ambling over to the railway tracks.

I stumbled to my knees with a cry of pain and fright. What was I doing?

I knew exactly what I was doing.

Biting my lip, forcing myself up to my feet despite my injured leg I lifted my head up high, the sounds of the train's horn force deafeningly through the air, bursting my eardrums. It almost reminded me of that Pegasus years ago and the sound of its battle cry.

I remained where I was as the train thundered closer and closer and closer to me.

_I'm coming, love. We'll be together for real this time._

_For real this time-_

A blue light. That was all I saw in front of me. I felt forced backwards onto my back. I thought the train had crashed into me at first but I could still feel my body together in one piece, aside my injured leg.

My eyes snapped open. The train rumbled over ahead of me and I was lying underneath it in the tracks, the sound of the wheels roaring made me feel dizzy and made my ears buzz even more.

I shut my eyes and screamed as loudly as I could, feeling something warm wrap around me as the train continued to clatter over me.

Mathias. Mathias was here. He wrapped himself over my body protectively. I could hear him breathing heavily into my ear, my eyes were just wide and horrified, watching the bottom of the train whizz pass above me until finally it had passed and I saw the sky once again.

I panted heavily, tears spilling from my eyes. I was petrified with what I had just done. I stared up at the bright sky, almost wanting to blind myself with the sunlight but I felt Mathias place his gloved palm over my eyes, lifting me up into a sitting position.

"Emma, what the hell is wrong with you?" He screamed at me, uncovering my eyes. It was his voice, but to me it sounded like just an echo; something which was left behind but not the real thing, if that makes sense.

I raised my head to look up at him, sucking up a sob. "…Den… you…how did you…Why did you…"

Mathias sighed and looked at me. I was a mess, covered with dirt and cuts and bruises. Mathias looked immaculate.

I launched forward and wrapped my arms around him all of a sudden, crying hard into his shoulder. I could barely think. From all this time Mathias had been away I had just drove myself to insanity.

Did Mathias save me? Or did I just save myself? Was I hugging myself or hugging Mathias right now in the middle of a set of train tracks? I saw a blue light too… have I just woken up or…?

Oh who cares? I could feel Mathias wrapping his arms around me as well as myself clinging for dear life onto him.

"D-Denny w-where have you been?" I sniffed, still crying into his shoulder. "Why did you leave me that day? Six years ago, Denny. When I was eighteen, you just disappeared. I couldn't even g-get back into my world…"

Mathias pulled back, holding onto my face with both of his big gloved hands, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "… I'm sorry. I disappeared because… for a moment you lost faith in me."

My eyes widened and I felt my heart drop. "N-no I—"

"I had to disappear for a little while… I wanted to see if you could move on from your childhood, from me… but you couldn't, could you? You still can't…" He said, letting go of me with one hand and reached over, my eyes remaining on his face until he held my stuffed bunny George in front of me.

I let out a bit of a whimper and just wrapped my arms around Den again, feeling George between us. "…thank you…. For saving me…I love you, Mathias. I always will. I never forgot you."

"That's why I'm still here, Em…" he whispered in return, planting a kiss against my cheek.

* * *

><p>I managed to call myself an ambulance and before I knew it I was lying in a hospital bed, having just woken up from getting my leg wounds stitched.<p>

I felt drained. What I just did was stupid of me but I really thought Mathias was gone. I wanted to see him again.

"Emma?"

I turned my head to the side, spotting Antonio sitting beside my bed, a relieved look on his face. "Mi dios, Emma. What were you thinking?"

_What?_

I blinked at him, forcing myself to sit up. "T-Toni..? It's … it's been years…"

"Never mind about that right now Emma! I heard what happened and came straight here. You were climbing over the fence into the railways, why would you do that?"

I pulled the smelly white blankets up over my nose, frowning and hiding half of my face from my old friend. "…"

"You weren't going to kill yourself, were you?"

I felt my eyes sting from watering up. "…I wanted to see Mathias again…"

Antonio's shoulders dropped and he buried his face in his hands, shaking his head in disbelief. "No no… not this Mathias again, Emma. Please! I thought you finally snapped out of it!"

I shoved the blankets off of myself, glaring at him. "Mathias is REAL, Toni! Only I can see him!"

"No, Emma! You're just imagining him! Imaginary friends don't exist and you have to STOP this! You're putting your life in danger!"

"I'm doing it for HIM, Toni!"

"He doesn't exist!"

"YES HE DOES!" I screamed, getting the attention of a couple of nurses rushing inside my room, checking to see if I was okay. I sighed, telling them everything was fine and that I felt better event though my leg was completely numb right now and just felt weird.

Toni growled at me and shot up to his feet. "Emma, you need help. You have a great imagination, I get it. But maybe too much of an imagination and it's got to stop! I'm serious!"

I frowned and turned over onto my side to face away from him, spotting George sitting on the side table next to me. I smiled faintly to myself, hearing Antonio leave.

I don't need help…

I'm fine…

I just need Mathias…

I'm fine…

* * *

><p>After a day or so I was finally taken home in a bloody wheelchair to my annoyance. I tried crutches but my leg was still too weak for any sort of support, so I had to have a wheelchair for now. Ugh. I felt humiliated.<p>

Antonio agreed to wheel me back to my apartment. I cuddled George in my arms the whole way home. When we got there it was a rather beautiful late afternoon. I sighed when I was wheeled into the front room of my apartment. Antonio asked if I wanted a drink but I shook my head. We were still barely talking to each other since our argument the other day. Antonio went into the kitchen to prepare us both a salad to eat as a snack.

I lowered my head, stroking the top of Georges head, running my fingers through his fake fur.

"You really do think I'm crazy, don't you Antonio?" I said quietly, my eyes gazing into empty space.

"I don't know what to say to that, Emma," Antonio said from the kitchen.

"I know you think I'm crazy. You can barely look or talk to me anymore because you think I'm out of my mind. Even back at the Orphanage, that day I told you that Mathias was in the room you barely spoke to me again after that. You just completely avoided me."

Antonio returned into the room, setting two bowls of salad onto the table in front of me, sitting down on the armchair opposite, shoving a few mini tomatoes into his mouth.

"Emma can we just drop the whole Mathias thing, por favor?"

I rolled my eyes, cuddling George tighter to my chest. "If you were my friend you'd believe me."

"Sorry Emma… but I've never seen Mathias for myself."

"And you never will," I muttered, keeping my head lowered but my eyes glaring at him, swimming with poison.

Antonio froze as if he could feel my glare and slowly lifted his head, stopping in mid-chew.

I leant forward in my wheelchair, an insane smile coming to my lips. "That's because Mathias is made-up. He's made up to all of you, to everyone in this universe except for me. He's a spirit, Antonio, a spirit which only I can see, hear and feel."

I was amused by the slightly worried look on Antonio's face as he watched me. "Emma… it's nice that you have an imaginary friend and all, but-"

"HE'S NOT AN IMAGINARY FRIEND YOU IDIOT!" I screamed, whacking my hand against my bowl of salad, letting it smash on the floor into hundreds of sheds.

Antonio started to look frightened. I snarled at him, clutching George tightly to my chest.

"…Emma… you…y-you really need help…" he whispered calmly. I noticed him tremble.

"No I don't!" I spat.

"Si, you do! What happened to that Emma I used to know, huh? The Emma who was always so giggly and lovable, eh?" Antonio growled at me, remaining in his seat.

"I'm not insane, Antonio! You just won't listen to me! None of you will!" I shrieked, burying my face in George's fur.

I could hear Antonio breathing heavily with frustration but was glad he had less of a temper than Jan used to have. He would have probably beaten me up on the floor by now if I spoke to him like I just did to Toni right now.

But Oh God… he was right. I really was becoming this crazy person I never used to be. Perhaps it was the fear of losing something I thought was there, when really it wasn't. Or maybe I was just insane this whole time and I couldn't escape this wonderland.

We were both quiet. I wanted to cry but I refused to in front of Antonio. It'd only make me look more disturbed, so I remained quietly, clutching onto George for dear life.

Antonio looked up at me, expression softening. "…All I see is a little girl…" he whispered.

I looked up at him, wondering what he meant.

"You've barely grown up at all, Emma… from all these years we've known each other. If anything you've became even more of a child…"

I remained silent.

Toni sighed and stood up, running his hands back through his hair. "Emma. I love you, okay? You're my best friend in the whole universe. But you have to let me get you some help, por favor."

I didn't say a word but just looked away from him. I had no idea what he meant by getting me help but I didn't have a good feeling about it.


	13. Chapter 13

A week passed and I was able to stand again but I still had to hop around on crutches which annoyed the heck out of me. Antonio had booked me up to join some sort of club in which supposedly 'insane' people would gather together and discuss their problems with each other.

Great…

At first I had refused to go to this club but Antonio wouldn't give up on making me go, even if it was for one time. In the end I gave up and let Antonio take me to the club.

Antonio drove me towards where this so called club was that afternoon, around a less populated area of Paris. I wonder why. He parked us outside of the building and helped me out of the car though I wouldn't stop groaning, telling him that I can handle everything on my own. I stood there leaning on my crutches outside of the building whilst Toni went to sort out his car. My eyes scanned the building with a frown. It looked pretty old, much like the orphanage building from what I remember, with plants growing up the walls, but it wasn't as big.

I glimpsed back at Toni with a weak childish look on my face. "Toni I want George….give me George, please. I'm not going in there unless I can have George."

Antonio gave me a nod but I could tell by the way he did so that he had a slight element of annoyance in him from me. I couldn't care less. I was getting pretty fed up with Toni myself lately. Probably because I never realised how much he actually cared about me.

He reached inside the car, handing me my stuffed bunny rabbit that I immediately grabbed and huddled underneath my arm.

"Don't I get a thank you?" Toni's voice muttered but I ignored his question, looking back up at the building and sucking up my courage.

"Just take me inside."

I heard Toni sigh and he gently placed a hand on my shoulder, helping me amble inside of the building and into the reception area. "You know Emma I am trying to help you, the least you could do is thank me for bringing you here," he muttered quickly to me.

I kept my eyes forward, feeling irritated, "I didn't want this, Toni. I didn't want to come here. I shouldn't have to thank you for something I don't want."

I noticed Antonio shaking his head at me and went to go confirm the club meetings with the receptionist. I myself stood there, eyes wondering over all the different posters on the wall. They were for all sorts of things and clubs. I was guessing that this building didn't just hold a club for insane people. They even had things like sport clubs, choirs and all sorts. I wished I wasn't insane, that way I could go to one of those clubs instead of this crummy one.

When the creepy looking lady at the reception showed us where to go, Antonio helped me down along the hallway. I already felt embarrassed for having to hop around with these stupid crutches and a stuffed toy under my arm, but I forced myself to not care.

We glanced inside the room which was in fact a big sports hall. In the middle of the hall were chairs all placed in a circle with people sitting in them, of course.

The lady who supposedly was the leader of the club stood up, smiling creepily at me. She was a black lady with her afro hair all tied back in the tiniest of ponytails. "Hello there, you must be Emma."

I forced a smile, giving a nod and felt Toni pat my shoulder and whisper in my ear; "I'll come pick you up later," and then he left. I suddenly missed Antonio and wished he could stay.

The lady stepped up to me, helping me hop over into a spare seat, my eyes scanning around cautiously at the other people sitting in the room. They all looked normal but I could tell they were all depressed by the way some of them hung their heads low, not even bothering to see the new member of this stupid club.

I sat down with a soft sigh in the spare seat, feeling too self-conscious to look at who I was sitting next to. I placed my crutches down, forcing a smile despite my iffy mood, George cuddled in my arms.

"My name is Alison," the lady said with a smile, sitting down in the empty seat next to my other side. Her tone was very friendly and calm. I was glad for that, though I preferred it if I was having a one-to-one with her rather than be sitting in a hall with about seven other people.

"We're a special group in which we sit down together and discuss each other's problems, good things and bad things with each other. We make friends and do our best to help one another and guide ourselves into the right path in life."

She sounded extremely friendly and all but God I hated how she was acting like I and these other members of this club really were insane. It's like the whole world was against us, pretending to help us when they were only making us feel even more lost than before. At least that's how I felt right about now.

"First of all," the lady said, turning to the other people who all looked older than me. "I'd like us all to introduce ourselves to Emma so that we can welcome her and make her feel more at ease."

My eyes cautiously scanned the room again. All of the other club members seemed normal to me. If anything they all seemed bored to be here. They looked around my age, if not older. They didn't seem insane to me, although there was another lady sitting on the far opposite side of the circle from me who was also cuddling her own teddy bear.

"We'll start with James here and we'll go around the circle, each of you introducing yourselves to Emma," Alison said with smile, gesturing to the boy sitting next to my other side.

I glanced up at him and he gave me a very crooked smile. I could barely see his eyes from behind those fogged up glasses of his.

"Hello…I'm…yeah. I'm afraid of rain."

Well I wasn't expecting that. I used to be afraid of thunderstorms when I was little, though it's possible this guy could have some sort of extreme phobia or something, I wasn't sure.

So, each participant introduced themselves to me and each of them explained to me their mental problem. Most had drug or alcohol addictions. A couple seemed extremely childish when they spoke. There was one girl called Charlotte who claimed she had an imaginary friend. She reminded me a little of my old best friend Elizabeta, but this Charlotte had shorter hair and she was a little more quiet.

When everyone was done introducing, Alison asked me to introduce myself to everyone and talk a little bit about my 'problems' too.

I clutched bunny George close to my chest and cleared my throat nervously. "Hello… My name is Emma. I'm 23 years old and…."I swallowed, already feeling embarrassed. I wasn't meant to feel this way, was I? I thought this was a comforting group, not a group to make me feel even more uneasy. "I-I have a lover…b-but…" Why was I trembling? Probably because speaking my words hurt more than I thought - Fucking truth. "I have a lover called Mathias but… sometimes he likes to be called Denny…I don't even know why." I felt my eyes water and a huge pain in my chest from holding back the tears. "B-but he doesn't exist…Only to me…" I sniffed and shook my head, keeping my eyes down. I heard Alison speak then but everything was just too fuzzy now for me to concentrate.

_Oh Denny… I wish you were here…_

I finally lifted my head up, glancing over at where the Liz-look-a-like sat opposite me.

… But…She wasn't there.

Mathias was sitting there instead. He just sat there with his arms folded and a leg resting on his other knee with a bit of a disappointed look on his face.

I flinched and immediately shot up to my feet, wincing when I realised the pain that still throbbed in my leg. Alison reported up to her feet as soon as I did and griped onto my shoulders so I wouldn't fall.

"Mathias! Mathias what are you doing here?" I shrieked, my eyes only watering up even more.

"What are you doing?" Mathias spoke to me, giving me a horrible, confused look; a look which showed that even he thought I was insane.

I could hear the shuffling and fussy sounds of the people around me and Alison's voice trying to settle me. I could even feel her eye contact on me but I was too much in a panic at what I was witnessing.

"I'm not insane!" I screamed at him but Mathias only shook his head at me. I could feel Alison trying to tug me but I ignored her.

"Stop it, Emma!" Mathias glared at me, straightening up in the seat. "Stop believing in me. Stop loving me," he said firmly, his ice cold words hitting me harder than ever. "It's killing you."

"W-w…NO! I…" When my eyes finally pulled away from him, they caught on the person who was sitting next to the Charlotte-Mathias. It was Mathias again. My eyes widened and I yelped, my eyes glancing around with fright. Everywhere I looked Mathias was sitting there glaring at me with hate and poison swarming within his blue eyes.

When I looked back at Alison… It wasn't her.

Guess what? It was Mathias.

I screamed and pulled away from him, almost collapsing but managing to keep myself steady on my feet, clutching George tightly to my chest with a cry. Just a minute ago I wished he was here. Now I'm surrounded by Mathias.

The Mathias standing in front of me narrowed his eyes at me. "Come with me, Emma. Come to the darkness with me… Come with me or just give up. Stop imagining or wishing I was here, look what it's doing to you."

His words caused something inside me to twist and snap. My expression stiffened and now I too was glaring at him. I dropped George on the floor and stormed up to the Mathias, punching him straight in the face and screamed at him, kicking his leg and trying to punch him again as I cried and shrieked.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MATHIAS! THIS IS YOUR ENTIRE FAULT THAT I'M CRAZY! I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I screamed at him and turned away from him, storming over to a Mathias sitting down, (who used to be Charlotte). I started to attack him too; punching him and kicking him and swearing the filthiest words at him as he covered his arms over his head in protection.

Why did I suddenly hate him? I used to want to be with him. I went to his world as much as I could just to see him. Now it just felt like he was haunting me.

Alison yanked me back all of a sudden and I collapsed back in her arms with a painful cry. Luckily she kept hold of me and balanced me up to my feet. I panted but calmed, my anger disappearing completely as I stared at Mathias, who no longer was Mathias.

It was Charlotte.

I twisted my head up to look at Allison.

Allison. Not Mathias.

I just punched, kicked and screamed at Charlotte and Allison.

Allison looked a little scared by me but I could tell by the steady look in her eyes that she had experienced people like me before. I glanced back around at the other members of the club, who were all themselves again. No Mathias to be seen in sight. They all looked alarmed too by me.

When I looked back at Charlotte, the girl had her arms protectively over her head and was sobbing desperately to herself. I could see she was trembling too. My hand covered over my mouth in devastation as I too let out a sob, my legs giving up on me and I collapsed to the floor again in a heap, Alison begging me to calm down.

Later on when we were finally calmed down, mostly me who was now the most insane person in the club, Alison called Toni to come pick me up early. I sat in the reception area whilst Alison spoke to Toni on the phone, my heart thumping firmly in my chest. I was so afraid for Toni's reaction when he found out what I had done.

I stared down at my toy bunny George in my hands. I couldn't let this go on further… Not anymore. I was hurting people. With a sniffle I slid across the bench I sat on, holding George over the bin next to the bench for moment before finally dropping him in.

Goodbye, George…

When Toni did arrive, he didn't say anything. He didn't even smile or look at me. He just helped me amble outside and climb into the car. His silence was more painful than what I had expected from him.

Antonio drove me back to my apartment and sat me down on the sofa, frantically searching through some papers and bits from my drawer just beside the table.

I looked at him with a soulless expression, my eyes still wet and puffy from crying. "Are you trying to find the number for the doctors? I don't think even a doctor could cure me, Toni…"

"No, Emma," Toni replied, pulling out a small bit of paper from the drawer and sat down on the armchair, picking up the phone from the side. "You need serious help, Emma. You're starting to hurt innocent people."

"It's not my fault…" I whispered staring at him and giving him a bit of a death stare.

Toni pressed in some numbers on the phone. All I could hear was the beeping sound of the phone as he punched them in. It was a very uncomfortable sound.

I watched him quietly as he stood up and spoke down the phone to somebody.

"Si, that's right… I was wondering if you had extra space for her…. You do? That's great. Do we have to have an appointment first or…?"

I glared at him and wiped my fingers across my eyes, sniffling again. I held my arms close to myself, expecting to have my soft stuffed bunny with me but then I remembered I threw him away. It was probably for the best. He reminded me too much of Mathias anyway.

"Of course," Toni rambled on to whoever the hell he was speaking to on the phone. "Sure, what day shall we come in for the interview, Señor?...Tomorrow? That's perfect!... She needs help as soon as possible…"

I looked around my apartment, eyes scanning the room slowly as I listened to Antonio's voice. His voice… I remembered when it used to be squeaky. He used to always make me giggle. I remember the shock of when his voice broke. It only made me giggle more. Nowadays Toni just felt like another enemy, another person against me.

I had spent way too long in my fantasy land to know real life anymore.

When Toni came off the phone I didn't bother to look at him. I continued reaching over to the table next to me, brushing my finger over the edge unconsciously.

Toni sat down next to me on the sofa but I didn't bother to look at him. He tried to gently take my hand but I kept pulling away from him. I felt like we were a married couple at war with each other.

Toni sighed. "Emma… You can't stay here anymore. I've got you some help, some good help."

My eyes remained down at the patterns I drew in the dust on the table.

"…Emma I arranged for you to stay at a mental institution."

My lips started to tremble; I forced a smile and nodded, pretending like I could see this coming. Well to be honest, I could see this coming since the beginning.

"Emma, don't worry. I-I know it sounds scary but you won't be in there forever. It's an all-girls place, and the people there who will look after you are very friendly."

"Of course…" I whispered, giving a weak shrug, my eyes remaining down at the dust on the table.

"Te quiero, Emma. I love you but you need this help as soon as possible…" He sighed and shifted closer to me as I trembled. "You have an interview tomorrow. I'll come with you, I promise. It's just so they can get to know you and your problems…"

I immediately yanked my hand furiously away from Toni when he tried to take it again.

"Emma, por favor… I'm only trying to help…"

"I'm not on drugs or anything, Toni…" I whimpered and shut my eyes tightly, coughing up a pathetic sob. This time I let Toni wrap his arms around me and pull me to his chest. It was comforting, I had to admit. But I barely paid attention when all I could think about was losing Mathias.

* * *

><p>I sat in the office of the institution the next morning, sitting there, nervously bouncing my leg and clutching my arms around myself. Toni sat beside me, stroking his hand over my back to calm me down. I refused to have the crutches today. I wanted to walk on my own today, even if it was to a mental hospital.<p>

The building itself didn't look scary at all, surprisingly. It looked all too neat to be somewhere for people like me to go.

The interview went alright, better than I expected. I tried to act as normal as possible, but as soon as I mentioned the part that I was in love with someone who doesn't exist I could tell by the look on the lady's face who interviewed me that she could tell I was just another nutcase.

It wasn't long before I was packing my bags and moving into the institution. It was only a day after the interview when I had to move in. Toni helped me there but I had to say good bye to him before I went inside.

Me and Toni stood outside the institution, a large lady standing with us. I didn't know why, but I felt a little déjà vu shiver through me. I remembered the night a large lady named Ms Gabatino took me into a home. Now a large lady called Brenda was taking me into a place for mental people.

I couldn't cry anymore. I had spent the last two nights sobbing all through the night. If anything I was exhausted. Tired from lack of sleep; tired from crying; tired of being tired and tired of living. Toni and I wrapped our arms around each other tightly when we said goodbye.

"You'll be out of here in no time…" Toni whispered to me before letting me go.

_Yeah right_, I thought.

Brenda took my hand and led me inside as I clutched onto my bag to my chest, the bag contained all the things I needed. It was just clothes and Toni was asked to check it was just clothes and nothing else.

When we were inside I stood in the hallway whilst Brenda spoke to another lady who looked a lot like some kind of nurse. I tilted my body a little, glancing down the hallway, spotting other patients in a large hall down the end of the hallway. I swallowed, squeezing Brenda's hand, afraid to meet anyone else from there.

I was showed to my room by Brenda who I had to admit was very friendly. I asked her what the other girls were like.

"Sometimes they can have their moments but they are just humans. Most of them have drug issues."

Typical.

"But sometimes they can be very friendly. Don't worry Emma, you'll soon fit in. This place isn't as scary as you may think it is," she smiled.

Well now I feel more creped out than ever. I nodded, consciously sitting down on the edge of my bed in my room. I was lucky to have a room all to myself. I was worried I had to share it with somebody else. It wasn't because I was afraid of meeting someone who may or may not be as crazy as me. It was because I just didn't want the company of anyone anymore.

"I'll let you settle in for a little while," Brenda smiled and stepped out of the room, leaving me alone to 'settle in'. Biting my lip I raised my head and glanced around the room. What is it with these places having white or pale painted walls? It was freaky and it made me feel sick to my stomach.

Later on that day, I changed into my gown…

No Ms Gabatino to help me this time…

I was taken into the hall where most of the other patients were. They all seemed normal at first sight until I actually stood by the doors and stared around at them.

My heart pounded when a couple of them looked towards me, one girl licking her lips at me in a seductive way. If there weren't nurses all over the place I would have bolted straight out of there and headed for the hills.

Three girls were fighting over the TV remote. One girl was sitting on the floor reading a book. The others were either in pairs or small groups, sitting or talking to each other. From time to time one girl would scream out in laughter at God knows what. I wondered if she thought I was funny.

I then noticed a girl sitting by the window on her own. She was just sitting on the ledge, looking out of the window almost dreamily. She looked like a mixed-race girl, her dark brown hair tied up in two curly ponytails with big red ribbons.

I hesitantly stepped up to her and the girl twisted her head towards me, a wide cheerful smile on her face. "Well hey there, new girl!" She bounced up to her feet and took my hand, shaking it. My green eyes widened in fright as the girl placed a hand on my shoulder, patting it. "Hey, don't be afraid! I know what it's like to come to a place like this on the first day. Don't worry, you get used to it, including the other girls," she chuckled, taking my hand. I could feel her fingers curl around my hand, her thumb stroking my knuckles.

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

"The name's Michélle by the way. I come all the way from Seychelles," she told me.

I had never heard of a place called Seychelles but I didn't bother asking. This girl didn't seem like the type I'd get along with. I tried pulling my hand away from her but Michélle only wrapped her arms around me tightly. I yelped, trying to shove her away but she wouldn't budge.

"Hey, hey don't be worried, silly girl!" She giggled and finally pulled back, her hand stroking through my hair. I winced, a little like a frightened cat not wanting to be stroked. "You have beautiful hair, y'know. I wish I was a blondie."

"Heh… merci…" He muttered nervously.

"What's your name, by the way?" She asked me, tugging on my hand.

"E-Emma," I replied as Michélle dragged me away out of the hall.

"Show me to your room! Where are you staying?"

As she dragged me down the hall I bit my lip, trying to pull her back to stop her. "Are we allowed to be here?" I asked.

She laughed. "Show me where you room is!" She ordered, sounding more like an angry mother now.

I frowned, not that I was ever smiling anyway and pointed to my room which was just on the other side of the hall.

Michélle let go of me and skipped over to my room, opening the door and peering inside. "Wow, you didn't even lock it," she chuckled as I followed her.

"My room is this one, right next to yours!" She beamed.

I forced a weak smile, holding my hands behind my back. "Oh, really?"

"Girls!" A voice echoed from down the other end of the hallway. There stood Brenda, staring at us both as she gave us the 'come here' finger.

"Get back to the hall girls, no hanging around here, okay?"

Michélle skipped passed me, "okay!" She cheeped as I slowly followed her back to the main hall.

When we did get back to the hall, I sat down in a seat near the window, glancing out of it and staring at the houses in the distance, thinking about the families which lived there. Oh how I wished to have my own family. I always dreamt of having a family of my own with….

Nevermind.


	14. Chapter 14

For the rest of that day I felt soulless, literally; as if the soul of mine had been left behind. But I believed that Mathias stole my soul a long time ago, as well as my heart. I couldn't feel the need to cry anymore or socialise at the least with these people here at the institution. I'd just sit on the floor hugging my knees, thinking about death. The only person who ever really spoke to me was Michélle who I became friends with soon enough.

It was evening, still an hour before bedtime. Michélle was with me in my room and we were talking. Not anything in particular, just really telling each other about our likes, dislikes and a bit about our lives.

Michélle told me that after she moved to Paris, that's when things started to go weird for her.

I sat on the edge of my bed, with just the light from the lamp on the side table to light the room. It was still dim but I oddly liked it. It was a little romantic. Thought I'd never consider going romantic on Michélle. Heck no.

Michélle paced up and down the room as she blabbered on about her past boyfriends and how sad her life was. I just sat there rolling my eyes. I found her lucky to have a dozen real boyfriends, unlike I who had one imaginary boyfriend.

Would I even consider Mathias a boyfriend? I don't even know anymore…

But God, did I feel awful. His spirit knows I tried to hurt him and I was afraid because of that I had lost him. I missed him so much. I couldn't wait to fall asleep tonight in hope that he'd appear in my dreams.

"So then this other guy was bothering my little brother and he was being a complete dick so I go and beat him up and ever since then I became pretty nasty towards people who dares touch the people I love. My mother hated me since then and I tried to runaway…"

I whipped my head up when Michélle kept talking and I had snapped out of my thoughts, listening to her. My eyelids were aching. I just wanted to go to sleep.

Michélle sighed and shrugged, sitting back down on the bed. "I can't stop moving either… I just have to keep moving, y'now?"

I could tell by the way she was bouncing her legs even when she sat down. So Michélle was a violent runaway? Odd… Then again I wasn't really listening to half of her story.

"What about you, Ems?"

Ugh, Ems. I hated that name. It reminded me of M&Ms.

"You mean…How did I end up here?"

Michélle nodded her head.

I sighed, curling and twisting my finger around a lock of my hair. "I…I see a person…a man that nobody else can see… They all think I'm crazy…"

"Oh, you mean like you have an imaginary friend?" She smiled. Ugh, Michélle, please don't smile. I don't like smiles.

"Oui," I frowned, holding onto my knee as I rocked myself on the edge of the bed.

"Wow, must suck, huh?"

"Yes….yes it sucks…" I sighed. "Listen, Michélle. I'm extremely tired right now. Do you mind I head on off to bed? It's been such a long day for me; I could do with some sleep."

"Huh?" Michélle whispered, her lips pressing together into a pout.

"…" I frowned at her reaction, not liking it one bit.

She got up from the bed and went to the door, closing it shut and grabbed a chair from the side, holding it in front of the door so that if anyone tried to get in, they couldn't.

I gasped, watching what she was doing, my heart thumping in my chest.

"What are you doing?" I whispered angrily, standing straight up to my feet.

"Shhhh! You're going to get us in trouble!" She whispered, quietly stepping over to me. Too close to me, extremely close to mine as I tried to lean away from her.

"….Michélle…don't…I'm scared," I breathed and she gently took my hand, placing her finger to my lips and shushed me again.

What was this all about? Was this part of Michelle's disorder or something? Was this normal? I didn't know what normal was anymore.

"Hon, you don't have to be scared, okay? I know what it's like to have an imaginary friend. I had one…she kept telling me to do all those things I did in the past…I know what it's like."

Okay, perhaps I was just overreacting in my head. Perhaps she wasn't going to make a move on me. Maybe this was just her way of calming me.

It wasn't fucking working.

"Did you love your imaginary friend?" She then asked me.

I shyly nodded. "Yes….Yes I loved him. More than anything."

"What was his name?"

"…Mathias."

Michélle smiled widely, "...I'm going to kiss you. Pretend it's Mathias, okay?"

_Whoa, wait what?_

_This little slut wants to make a move on me._

_I'm trapped._

I opened my mouth to speak but Michélle just kept shushing me, only leaning closer and closer to me as I leant back more and more, a little too much. With a yelp I fell back onto the bed and Michélle landed on top of me, her horrible tasting lips crashing right against mine. My eyes widened with horror. I was frozen but I let her kiss me, her head tilting each side in persuasion to get me to give in and kiss her back.

When she started to wipe her hand up my body, that's when I started to panic even more. I squirmed, whimpering until she finally pulled away, looking a irritated.

"Emma, you need this… Just relax. I can tell you want this, deep down you want this. I can see it in those beautiful eyes of yours…" She murmured as she leant closer to me again.

I breathed heavily trying to catch my breath since I felt suffocated from her slobbery kisses.

"R-relax?" I stuttered quietly, Michélle nodding. "I-I…I don't…want to I j-just want to sleep, dear…Please, let me sleep…" My eyes started to water up. I wanted Denny, not her. I barely knew her even if she did tell me her life story in a whole afternoon.

"Close your eyes," she whispered as she pressed her lips to mine again. I arched my back a little and let out a sound as my eyes drifted closed.

My eyes were closed and all of a sudden I started to warm up to this idea.

I was imagining that Michélle was Mathias, just like she asked me to. And with that image in my head and the memories of laying in the meadow with Mathias on top of me, I naturally curled my leg around Michélle, shyly wrapping an arm around her as she gently squeezed my breast, causing me to breathe a quiet moan into her mouth.

_Mathias… Just think Mathias. His warm hands on my skin, touching and teasing me, his mouth gently pressing to mine, each breathe exhaled with passion._

"Mnh…" He shut my eyes tighter when I felt Michélle grind her hips a little against mine. My heart was beating faster than it was when I first made love to Mathias.

But this wasn't making love. Me and Michélle; we were both insane. The world wouldn't accept us anymore so why should we care what we do anymore? We're both trapped.

I allowed her to run her fingers through my hair which was comforting. But her humping really wasn't. I tilted my head back, exhaling a quiet moan.

My head turned to the side as she trailed her kisses down to my neck and I opened my eyes a little.

Within my blurry vision I saw somebody sitting there on the chair on the other side of my room. My eyes snapped open in shock.

…Mathias.

He just sat there with his arms folded, watching me with a blank expression as I was getting completely dominated by a girl smaller than me.

I let out a panicked sound which sounded more like a moan when Michélle continuously grinded her knee against my crotch. "M-Mathias…" My eyes watered up so much so quickly and I had to blink a dozen times so I could see him clearly.

"Come with me to the darkness, Emma…" His voice quietly echoed.

"Mathias I'm sorry!" I screamed, feeling Michélle immediately flinch away from me, sitting on the other end of my bed. Even she had a frightened look on her face.

"Ignore it, Emma," Michélle told me.

I panted with panic and sat up, small tears slipping down my cheeks as I looked between Michélle and Mathias.

I couldn't tell which one of them was real anymore.

"Mathias, please!" I said desperately as I looked back over to him. "Please I don't want to be here anymore! I give up trying to be what the world wants me to! I want to be with you! I'm sorry for hurting you, Mathias. I'm so sorry…" I started to sob.

Michélle glanced at the chair which to her was empty, and then back to me who was crying towards the empty chair.

"You haven't hurt me, Emma. I can't feel self-pity. Just your pity towards me," he said blankly.

My trembling hands frantically tried to wipe my tears away and I looked over at Michélle. "I-I need to go. I don't want to ever see you again," I stood up and Michélle stood up with me. I looked quickly at the chair for a spit second. It was empty again.

Michélle grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me in her direction. "Don't leave me! Please don't leave me! All I've ever wanted was to find a girl like you! I just want to fuck someone like you!"

My expression turned horrified and I slapped her hard across the face, immediately rushing to the door and threw the chair away from the door with a scream, bolting out of the room and down the hallway, running for my life.

As I ran I spotted Mathias standing down the end of the hallway with his arms held out to me. "Quick!" I heard his voice echo in my head again as well as the mixtures of the sounds of the nurses yelling at me to stop.

I felt I was trying to escape from a nightmare.

I felt like Alice trying to escape from Wonderland.

I just kept running until I reached Mathias and tripped into his arms. With a gasp I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, clinging for whatever I had left of life to him.

I whimpered, feeling frozen droplets fall rapidly down onto me. It was raining. I opened my eyes and lifted my head. We were outside and it was pouring with rain. I was still in my gown which I wore back in the institution.

Mathias held me tightly in his arms. He was shivering just as much as I was.

We were on some sort of street. I wasn't sure where but it was the middle of the night and it was pouring with rain. I let out a cry and forced myself to stand up straight, still clinging onto Mathias. "W-what happened? Am I dead?"

"No," Mathias replied and let go of me. I tried to launch forward for his hand again but I missed.

"Follow me, Emma!" He called to me over the sound of the rain. He started to bolt down the street and I immediately followed after him, whimpering with the frozen ground because I was bare foot.

I kept running after him, ignoring the pain pumping all through my body as I ran, spotting Mathias run right out into a main road where traffic whizzed by here and there. With a gasp I skidded to a stop just in front of the road, terrified.

"Keep going! Don't stop!" I heard Den's voice echo to me in my head again.

I sucked up the last bit of my courage and rushed out into the road, every vehicle screeching to a stop when I ran out in front of them.

What was I doing?

Whatever the hell I could to have Mathias.

One black car beeped so stridently when it halted in front of me it caused me to stop and scream, catching a glimpse of the man who shot out of his car and glaring at me, a man with blond hair, green eyes, a couple of piercings. I didn't even notice his expression change as I bolted off again, finally reaching the other end of the road, wanting to collapse, barely able to breath from tiredness and fright.

I couldn't hear anything. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing and the quiet distant sound of somebody calling.

_"My daughter! My daughter!"_

I straightened up when the voice alarmed me a little but I was completely taken away from my curiosity when I felt Mathias arms curl around my body again as I cried against him, "Mathias where are we going?"

"To the darkness," He replied.

I frowned, starting to whimper. I was probably going to get extremely sick after this night from the rain and cold. That's if I was ever going to return to this world.

I sniffled, clinging onto Mathias' arm as I walked along with him. "Mathias, am I going to die? Are you going to show me the symbol on your hand?"

Mathias didn't look at me once. It had been years since I saw a smile from him. It was sad. "No, if I do that you'll be dead and we won't be together. There's only one way to get out of this world," He said, stopping in his tracks as I held onto his hand. He glanced up at the sky. I looked at him curiously, following his gaze and glancing up at the sky with him, narrowing my eyes a little to protect them from the pouring rain.

The Eiffel Tower stood there, tall and proud in front of us. It was closed for the night and because of the rain but it was still beautifully lit up. I always loved the tower. I dreamt of going up to the top but never really did. I was too busy thinking about a certain man who's hand I'm squeezing right now.

"Mathias…? What—"

He turned to me, pulling a fingerless glove off of his hand. I gasped and shut my eyes tightly so that I wouldn't pass out again or drop dead despite Mathias saying he wasn't going to show me the symbol. I honestly had no idea what was going on or what Mathias' plans were to take me away to a better place, but I trusted him.

"Hold still…" I heard him whisper, feeling a warm glow press against my forehead. My eyes remained closed and I felt relaxed and for a moment; peaceful. That is until I felt a huge migraine spread through my head and I gasped, letting out a scream. When my eyes snapped open I froze.

"...Mathias what did you…?" My voice trailed off as I stepped up to the fence, staring out at the distance in confusion.

Mathias stood behind me. I looked back over my shoulder at him, blinking a couple of times. I didn't know whether to be shocked at where we were or shocked at the fact he was smiling at me now.

"Emma, we're standing right at the top of the Eiffel Tower," he grinned.

My eyes widened a fraction and I covered a hand over my mouth in shock, letting out a breathless chuckle of surprise as I looked back over at the city. The rain was settling and despite the fact it was raining I could see so many lights from so far away. "Mathias…this…this is beautiful," I muttered, my eyes tearing up with joy.

"I didn't want you to leave unhappy," he said as he watched me. "I knew you always dreamed of coming here. So here you are."

I looked at him; stepping closer to the man I only ever truly loved and suddenly wrapped my arms around him, reaching up to crash my lips to his.

We were both drenched with frozen water, standing on the top of a famous landmark in the middle of the night, surrounded by billions of lights and stars. It was my perfect way to go.

I felt Den smile against my lips as he kissed me back, his own arms sliding around my body comfortingly. I felt warm despite where we were. I felt warm because of Mathias.

We lasted a good long minute before we gently finished our kiss and looked into each other's eyes, smiles on both our faces. I enjoyed the feel of his thumb brush gently over my cheek. I leant my head a fraction towards his touch, closing my eyes for a moment. He still was wearing his gloves. I never did find all the answers about Mathias. I never really did find out all about him. Perhaps there was so much more to him that I didn't know but I didn't care. We loved each other and after tonight, Mathias will be mine, forever.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked me, his voice and tone soft. I could barely hear the sound of the rain or the traffic below in the city; just our breathing and his beautiful voice, my eyes captivated by those sky blue eyes of his.

I slowly nodded in reply. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready."

"Once you go, there's no turning back…"

He reached up onto my bare feet tip toes, running my hand through his messy blond hair. "I trust you."

Mathias gave me a sweet smile and took my hand, leading me over to the fence. We were standing on the tourist platform. Obviously it was empty right now because of the weather and the fact it was the middle of the night.

How did I end up here? Mathias was just a miracle maker. Like I said a while ago, Mathias never had a reason for doing things. He just did it.

I reached forward and curled my fingers around the wires of the fence, glancing through and gazing out at the distance.

"How are we going?" I asked quietly as I watched the lights of the city.

"We fall," Mathias whispered.

I froze and whipped my head back at Mathias, my expression full of dread. "…w-what do you mean we fall?"

Den was just standing there, leaning against the fence and gazing out into the distance himself, a content smile on his face. He looked so calm but happy. It was calming me too, surprisingly.

"Mathias?"

"Emma. There's only one way to get to your world again, and stay happy. You're happy right now, aren't you?"

"Yes… I am, but-"

He turned to me, holding onto both my shoulders. "It's complicated, Emma. But listen carefully. This would be like…how you call it, portals. This is how we move to one world to another; like dimensions. You have to be ready to go. You're happy, you're with me, and you want to go. So the portal will open and take you there to the world you desire to go to."

My eyes widened as he spoke. I had no clue what he was saying. It sounded like something from a video game Lovi used to sometimes play when they first came out. My mouth opened, lips trembling. I couldn't get a word out. I was just so fascinated but scared at the same time. Despite the emotions my trust level for Mathias remained and I squeezed his hand.

"D-do we have to…c-climb over the fence o-or…?" I stuttered.

Mathias shook his head and asked me to shut my eyes. I did so, sensing the glow of his hand press against the fence.

"Okay."

I guessed that was an 'okay' to signal it was fine to look now and I opened my eyes. The fence was gone. I gasped and took a step back, clinging onto Mathias desperately, already feeling the sickening feeling of vertigo.

"M-Mathias I'm scared!" I cried, hiding my face in his shoulder. It was no longer raining but it was getting a little blustery up here.

Mathias held onto me for a little while before I finally developed the courage to look up to his face, my body still trembling somewhat. "H-heh… I never knew I would die this way…"

He looked down at my, gently cupping my cheek in his gloved palm. "You're not going to die. You're just going to a better place," he smiled.

I returned his smile as Mathias started to slowly wrap my arms around his waist, he then wrapping his own arms around my body.

All I could hear was our breathing, not even the crashing sound of the wind bluster against my ears.

"Are you ready, Belgium?"

I blinked up at him, startled, wondering why he titled me as Belgium. "I-I…" I refused to make myself anymore nervous and just nodded firmly. I desperately wanted this, no matter how scared I was. I sucked up a breath, breathing in the smell of the fresh night air. "…Y-yes. I'm ready to go, now."

One more smile I saw from Mathias before he tightened his arms around me and took a step backwards off the edge of the platform. I pressed my face into his chest, shutting my eyes tightly like a little child clinging to her father, not wanting him to leave her life. Much like my own father did.

I could feel a huge force of gravity pulling me and the strength of the air pushing us as we fell. For a moment I felt free. I felt so free and I almost wished we would grow wings and soar up into the air. But we didn't.

We just kept falling and falling from the very top of the landmark. All I could hear was my panicked breathing. Time was moving slowly, extremely slowly. Even when I tried opening my eyes I couldn't. I just kept falling with him.

With my eyes closed, all I could see was darkness. From time to time flickering images appeared in my mind. I couldn't make out what they were until I realised the images were of a little a girl, a little girl who looked like the happiest little girl in the world. She pranced around in a huge field with no trees or fences around. I could hear her giggles echo throughout my brain.

I smiled gently to myself, barely able to feel anything anymore.

I couldn't feel the cold, the wind. I couldn't smell the fresh night air or hear the sound of the traffic, just my breathing and the girl's voice in my vision.

The little girl was me. She looked to me and waved, grinning widely but sweetly, her rosy cheeks matching her rose red ribbon and matching dress. For a second I felt so happy I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I couldn't tell if I was crying or not.

We kept falling.

Until…

I felt something smash against my body. Within the shortest of thoughts, I believed I had smashed into the concrete pavement with Mathias.

But we didn't. There was a lake just below the Tower which the both of us landed into with a crash. That was the very last thing I felt until everything just became numb, even my mind. The sound of the little girls giggles in my head faded, along with my life.

Mathias and I sunk in the lake, both lifeless.

Only one of us was dying.


	15. Chapter 15

How did fate take them here? It's something no human can discover the answer to.

Did Mathias take Belgium away?

Or did Belgium just kill herself on her own?

Nobody knows.

Later that evening, ambulances and fire engines and rescue teams surrounded that lake.

One officer stepped up to a man who was claimed to be a witness of the supposedly suicide attempt. He looked shaken up from what he saw, his eyes constantly staring at the top of the landmark.

"Sir, mind if I ask you a few questions?" The officer asked, the lights of the vehicles flickering behind them in the night, people behind them staring into the lake and some getting ready to try to find the body which had landed in there.

"Y-yes," the man replied with a shaky nod.

"Can I have your name first, please sir?" The officer asked.

The man nodded, clutching his hands together. "T-Toris, Toris Laurinaitis."

"Okay, now just tell me a little bit of what you saw, please."

"I j-just…went out into my garden a-and I saw someone standing on the edge of the top…" He pointed to the Tower.

"Man or woman?"

"I-I'm not sure… I couldn't tell… I think it was a man."

The officer scribbled messy notes in a notepad, nodding at the man's replies. "And you saw them land in the lake?"

"Yes, right in the lake. I have no idea how, I mean…isn't that impossible?"

"Depends how hard they pushed themselves to fall," the officer said. "Nobody's ever done it before, we don't know."

The man sighed and nodded, still obviously nervy. "I-I see."

The officer was about to speak again until the sound of somebody yelling in the distant caught his attention and he whipped around, spotting a man rushing towards them. A man with blond hair, green eyes, a few piercings, maybe.

The man looked panicked and confused. He was holding something in his hand and waving it about frantically to get the officer's attention whilst the fire fighters searched through the lake for the body.

"Excuse me! Somebody help me! I saw my daughter! I saw my daughter run passed my car! L-Look, this is a picture of her when she was four years old!" The man held the photo up frantically, a photo of a little girl with a bright red ribbon in her hair, looking joyful than ever and prancing in a wide open field. "Her name is Emma! I don't know where she's gone but …Oh God you have to help me find her! I haven't seen her for years! I know it was her! I just know it!"

Another officer stepped up to the panicked man, trying to settle him. "Sir, we'll try to help you but right now we have a bit of a situation going on here," he said.

In the background a couple of vans appeared from the TV news network, presenters rushing out of the vans and immediately filming the scene.

The blond haired man shook his head, gripping his head with frustration. "No, my daughter!"

"Sir, if you don't mind! We have a problem here. Somebody has just committed suicide and our team are doing the best we can—"

"Please don't tell me it's my daughter!" He shrieked.

"We don't know, sir!" The officer snapped at the frightened man. "A witness thinks the figure was a man, but that's exactly what we're going to investigate now."

The blond man whimpered with worry, shaking his head and gripping his hair.

The officer looked at him with confusion. "…What's your name, sir?"

"George. George Maes…"

"Well George Maes, we'll investigate as much as we can and as soon as we find out any evidence that the person is your daughter we'll contact you immediately."

"Thank you…"

A little while has passed in the night until the rescue team finally dragged a body out of the lake.

A body which wasn't feminine at all; it was a man's body. Blond, messy and drenched hair, shoes lost, white shirt, black sleeveless jacket and pants, gloves and a red tie. A 27-looking year old man.

Mathias.

The rescue team all fussed and yelled at one another to move out of the way as they layed the man's body onto the grass, a few paramedics taking over when they tried to get the man breathing again.

George shoved each person out of the way so he could get to the body the rescue team dragged out of the water. "MOVE! I want to see my dau—."

George froze, shoulders dropping when he saw the man lying there. Not his daughter. "…W-where's….where's my daughter?" He cried. "Please! I saw her come this way! I'm sure she was here!"

An officer shook his head, placing a hand on George's shoulder. "Sir, the rescue team have searched all through the lake already. They have only found one body; this man. Sorry, there's no sign of your daughter to be found anywhere…"

George frantically gripped onto his hair again and let out a growl to stop him from breaking down, green eyes glaring down at the man in the grass who the paramedics managed to get breathing again. George watched the man cough and splutter, choking out dirt and water he swallowed. He looked panicked, as if he didn't want to end up there. Well, who would? Yet why would he just jump off the top of a landmark anyway?

One paramedic checked over the man whilst another kept asking him questions. "Sir, do you know where you are? What's your name?"

The man blinked, frightened blue eyes staring at the paramedic in front of him. "I-I…I don't know my name! H-How did I get here?"

"Do you remember anything that happened, sir?"

"I don't remember anything! I don't know what happened!" He cried.

"Sir calm down. We're going to help you. We're going to get you help and make you all better," the paramedic reassured him as another wrapped a thick blanket around the shivering man.

Meanwhile, George who was witnessing this just shook his head, almost bumping into Toris as he stormed off, brushing the tears away from his rough cheeks as he left.

The paramedics kept trying to ask the man questions to try and jog his memory like what his name was, but he couldn't remember. He didn't even know he jumped off the top of the Tower. He had no idea about anything.

He was taken straight to the hospital that night to be treated.

Weeks later when the man recovered he still couldn't remember a thing in his life, including his own name. He decided to name himself Erik.

From that day on, Erik remained alone, living in a small house in the countryside of Germany. He moved to Germany as soon as he was let out of the hospital, wanting to be away from people, too afraid and shaken up to socialise or find out about his life from anyone.

Erik spent the rest of his life living alone. All he did each day was sit in his house and meditate or go out for a walk.

All this time he had been alone not once had Erik found out about who he really was.

The fact he used to be a spirit which only one life could witness him.

The fact he traded places with Emma.

Mathias had this plan all along, ever since he met Emma.

Mathias came from another dimension, another world. Everything in that word was the same, except he was a representative nation. He represented Denmark. It was the old ages in his world, and tough times.

He was selfish. He never loved Emma. He just chose her to be the Belgium in his world.

He traded his non-existence for Emma's existence, just so he could get away from the hell in his world and live the peace as a human in the real world.

Because of the power Mathias seized of being a nation, it provided the power for him to trick a human into thinking he existed in their life, thus slipping his plot into effect.

If only Erik knew he was Mathias. If only he knew who, what he was. The fact he had a huge role of being the founder life form of the land of Denmark.

If only Erik knew how selfish and evil he was to Emma.

All along Mathias was just a big fake. He didn't want love. Nations could do anything but know how to love properly.

All he did was steal, just like other nations.

* * *

><p>Decades passed.<p>

_July 24th, 2057. I'm 79 years old._

My name is Erik. I've been living in Germany ever since I woke up in Paris next to the Eiffel Tower, surrounded by teams of paramedics, officers and all sorts.

My life has just been one big mystery.

I've been too confused to do anything with my life. I've spend my days living off of stolen cattle, pigs and chickens from other farms in the country.

I sit here in this minor house every day, sitting and imagining what my young days were like before I woke up.

I keep having dreams about a girl, a little blonde girl which rosy red cheeks and a rose red ribbon, matching her red dress. I can't stop dreaming about her every night I go to sleep.

Who am I?

What happened?

Who is this girl I see in my mind every day and every night?

As I sit here in my living room, old and aged and spending my days watching the dust develop on the furniture, or crappy shows on TV as I wonder these thoughts.

I had to wear glasses when I reached my middle ages. My vision was blurring and I had to take a one-time trip to the local village. My hair was silvery, not like the blond it used to be. Even my blue eyes were starting to fade.

This house I sat in was just as old and frail is I was.

My thoughts abruptly became interrupted when I heared the creaking sound of my door opening.

With a weak groan I lift my head, glancing back over my shoulder, only to spot a figure standing there by my front door.

I couldn't recognise the figure at first, but as they stepped inside the house, I noticed it was a lady. A young, blonde lady, dressed smartly with a rosy red ribbon in her hair.

My heart sank.

This was the girl from the dreams I dream at night, only older. Though to me, she was still very young. She looked around 23 or so.

"Hello Mathias," the girl hummed quietly as she stepped up to me. "At last I've found you. Silly boy, you could have picked an easier place to hide from me," she chuckled.

I gazed up at her in alarm, adjusting the glasses on my face. "Who are you…? Who's Mathias?"

"Ah, that's right!" She smiled. "You don't remember. I am the representative human form of Belgium. I used to live in this world as a girl called Emma. She used to love a man called Mathias. That man was you," she told me, her sharp green eyes piercing straight towards me as she stood in front of me.

I sunk more in my armchair, feeling a little cornered. "I-I don't remember anything…"

"Of course you don't, Mathias. Don't think I don't know what you did; trading Emma to have her human life. You got rid of our old Belgium and replaced her with me. You wanted a new Belgium, didn't you? But that's not all you wanted. You wanted to be human, didn't you?" Her quiet tone was scaring me. I was too weak to argue or cry for help. I just listened and trembled.

The woman flicked her golden hair, glancing around at my dark room before returning her gaze to me, a smirk slithering on her lips. "You know, Emma love you, Mathias. She had been forced into love by many people but only one of them she truly loved and that was you. Little did she know that you were just a huge fake. The clues were there. I couldn't believe I couldn't see it before. You told me once that you can't feel emotions for yourself, meaning you cannot experience your own feelings of love. You don't have a heart, Mathias. You can't love."

I frowned, pressing my wrinkly palm to my chest, feeling my heart thumping in my chest. What was she talking about? And why was I constantly being called Mathias?

She chuckled and knelt down beside my chair, reaching up and lightly brushing her finger tips over my aged face. I lowered my head.

"You thought you could be so smart. You thought you could get away with escaping the role of being a nation. But you can't. You never will. You're never known what it's like to feel or love. And thanks to you, I now have to be an emotionless nation too." She sighed, shaking her head. "You know, I never did meet my real father again. Remember George, Mathias? I found him. But there was no way I could reach him or let him see me. Thanks to you, sweetheart, I've lost everything. Even my humanity."

I glanced up at her with a sad, defeated look on my face but the woman, who kept calling herself Belgium just held my face. She was wearing these fingerless gloves, which was random.

"We need a new Denmark, Mathias…" She whispered to me, gently pulling her right hand glove off, smirking darkly at me. My heart started to beat faster in my chest but I remained still. There was nothing I could do.

I ended up thinking this was just a dream or my imagination. But it wasn't.

The woman held her palm to my face. The last thing I saw was a symbol printed on her palm. The symbol looked a little like a circle with a cross drawn straight through it. It was the last thing I saw before I took my last breath and dropped dead in the chair, sitting limply there.

* * *

><p>Belgium smiled and straightened up to her feet, pulling the fingerless glove back onto her hand as she stared at the dead man before her.<p>

"See you in our world, Denny."

She had no feelings whatsoever anymore for him anymore, or anyone. If she was going to suffer eternity as a emotionless human, then she'd drag Mathias with her, whether he liked it or not.

"I thought I loved you, Mathias. I really did. I used to imagine that I made love to you all the time. I used to think about our future. I used to dream of marrying you and having a family with you like a NORMAL human being. Hm…"

Belgium turned away from the dead Mathias who she'd soon meet again as a young Denmark back in a world where human countries existed.

"I used to believe all that…yet none of it was true. You never did love me.

Hm… Must have been my imagination."

**(The End)**


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